I am trying to figure out whether I spend more time than most people throwing good after bad, or whether I have just become more sensitive to the results. You know how it goes - you work 100 hours a week at a job where they don't appreciate you and you will never be promoted, or keep trying to rebuild a relationship with a friend who has moved you out of their heart. Most of the time, you will never get your investment back and will eventually have to give up and write it off as a mistake or a lesson learned.

Sometimes I do this a lot and sometimes I don't do it enough. But there is one thing in particular that I have put a lot of effort into over a long time and finally the tide has turned and all the things I have worked for and hoped for are happening. But they aren't happening to me. It is like I put my life savings into buying lottery tickets every week and finally bought the winning ticket, and then lost if and someone else found it on the street and collected my prize. The problem is now I don't know whether to stand up and yell that I am the rightful owner of that prize, go back to buying lottery tickets hoping to get lucky again, or accept that it was good thrown after bad and buy mutual funds instead.

Maybe being so concerned about this is a sign that I am too selfish or have a cold and callous soul. Maybe at my core I am simply jealous and covet only those things I cannot have. Maybe I didn't try hard enough and I really didn't earn the prize. Maybe I did. Either way, it is hard to keep buying lottery tickets.