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My new boyfriend

I was going to write a post about how Garrison Keillor is my new boyfriend because he reads me a poem every morning when I leave the gym. But then, I met BedHeadSmallTalk. Oh BedHeadSmallTalk, where have you been all my life? BedHeadSmallTalk is my new boyfriend because BedHeadSmallTalk really listens to me and cares about my feelings and does nice things for me just because. BedHeadSmallTalk and I are in love. It could not have happened at a better time. I had been very depressed when RetroBlowDryLotion just ran out on me with no warning and didn't even say goodbye. I mean, we both knew that it wasn't working out, but I was still there every morning making the effort and I felt I deserved some sort of explanation. Now I barely even remember all my months with RetroBlowDryLotion, because BedHeadSmallTalk is just so perfect for me.

For example, when I say to BedHeadSmallTalk, "BedHeadSmallTalk, you know that place in my otherwise straw-straight hair where it is all wavy and frizzy and looks like a zipper? I want that to be nice and straight like all the rest of my hair." BedHeadSmallTalk does not argue with me or tell me I am being too demanding. BedHeadSmallTalk just makes the zipper part all nice and straight.

And when I say to BedHeadSmallTalk, "BedHeadSmallTalk, you know that other place in the back that always does the opposite of what I want it to do? That flips out when I want it to flip under and flips under when I want it to flip out? That even when I try to trick it by flipping it the wrong way and not letting it see what all the rest of the hair is doing still always goes the wrong way? You know that piece? It hurts me when it does that." And BedHeadSmallTalk just says "I'm sorry baby, it won't happen again." And then BedHeadSmallTalk takes that bad wrong-flippy piece and makes it flip the right way and tells it if it ever treats me like that again it will have to deal with BedHeadSmallTalk.

And then this morning? BedHeadSmallTalk stacked up all my layers in the back, just because BedHeadSmallTalk loves me. It isn't even my birthday or our anniversary or anything. BedHeadSmallTalk just wanted to do something nice for me to show me how much he cares. I mean, any guy can bring you flowers or candy, but how many will do your layers in the back?

I am totally going to marry BedHeadSmallTalk. Mrs. Beth BedHeadSmallTalk. Catchy, yes?

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference My new boyfriend:

» Cosmic injustices. from GeminiGirl
My hair tends to go all one way, which is to say the left side will be flipped under and the right side flipped out, or the right side will be flipped under and the left side will be flipped... [Read More]

» The towels! from
For the love of all things holy, can anyone do anything about the towels? We have a basket full of beach towels. It has been completely emptied and washed twice today. Bath towels? Don't even start me on the bath... [Read More]

Comments (7)

Wow, I am so happy for you and BedHeadSmallTalk! Tell me...Does BedHeadSmallTalk have a brother? While I don't have one of those zippery tufts of hair, I do have one of those flippy-the-wrong-way-all-the-time tufts of hair that needs some TLC from time to time. Can ya see if you can hook flippy up for me?

heh, cute!

I'm a paul mitchell fan personally. BedHead products just don't jive with me - I find them too fickle and pretentious.


Beth, you nut. I'd marry you if I could, that's how much I love you!
And I mean that in the nicest, not creepy at all kind of way.

I am so, so jealous right now. I have no husband, and you are going to have TWO? And perfect hair, to boot?? I love you but I hate you just a little. Forgive me.

I'm personally having a sorded affair with Aveda right now....I so get your connection with Mr. Bedhead.....may you have a long and happy relationship

Wow, I need to meet this BedHeadSmallTalk. I have a salon appointment this Saturday and I bet he'll be there.

Stacked layers mean true love. You should grab that sexy BedHeadSmallTalk and jump on a plane to Vegas!

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So the Fish Said...

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem, I whisper with my lips close to your ear.

- Walt Whitman

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I want to get a pet duck and keep it in the bathtub.
I am addicted to chap stick and altoids.
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