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Now with 20% more buttcrack!

At yoga last night, I spent the whole class behind Clearly Visible Buttcrack. Of course, this buttcrack did not belong to the cute boy with the nice hair and really good legs. Oh no. The buttcrack belonged to the big pasty grunty guy and was therefore not anything I wanted to see. It was very distracting. I really wanted to yoga my way over to him and whisper in his ear "Dude, namaste and all that, but could you please hike up the shorts?"

However, I did discover that yoga is far more rewarding when you put your mat behind the cutest boy in class `cause then you get to admire his legs for an hour while pretending you are looking in the mirror to check your alignment.

Also! I have developed an Excellent New Plan! I believe that you should always weigh yourself while wearing shoes, and then just subtract the weight of your shoes to arrive at your Actual Correct Weight. For example, my tennis shoes weigh four pounds apiece, so when I weigh myself I have to subtract 8 pounds. Your results may vary. Also I have discovered that the older I get, the heavier my shoes become. Very strange, that.

And finally I would like to report that I look Very Nice today. For most people, that would not be noteworthy, but my usual style is what I would call Presentable (in that my clothes are generally not stained or torn and frequently almost match) so this is an occasion. However, the skirt I'm wearing is really starting to bother me and I may have to take it off, in which case I will not only blow my shot at looking Very Nice, but will also crash all the way through Presentable straight to Fired and Possibly Arrested. But at least my pretty necklace will look good in my mug shots.

Nope, sorry, no idea what is going on today with me and the Random Capitalization.

Comments (9)

LOVE the shoe/weight idea! And? Random Capitalization is good for Emphasis.

You would not believe how heavy your shoes get after two kids. It's unbelievable. ;)

My shoes easily weigh about 10 pounds or so. Each.

Also, have you ever noticed that the doctor's scale adds at least 5-10 pounds? Hate that.

And you SO should have called out buttcrack man. You don't need to see grungy buttcrack! You need to see Hot Young Yoga Mens! They are so not the same thing.

Funny; My shoes weigh like 35 pounds or something.

"Dude, namaste and all that, but could you please hike up the shorts?"

I would just also like to take a moment to mention that this is one of the funniest things I have read all day.

as well as the shoes weighing in you have to take account for the scrunchy (or other hair accessory) effect...did you know the average hair scrunchy weighs about 2 pounds...no lie...so you have to take that into account also ;)

This part -

"in which case I will not only blow my shot at looking Very Nice, but will also crash all the way through Presentable straight to Fired and Possibly Arrested. "

Made me giggle a bit. The capitalization makes it funnier b/c it's like those are official titles. Like, "Hi, I'm Zoot, I'm Fired and Possibly Arrested, who are you?"

hehe.

Two things: NUMBER ONE! In yoga .... position yourself one row in from the mirror, from the either left or the right. One cute guy in front of you, one cute guy between you and the mirrorm from either the left or the right. WHY? Because you can look in front of you for eye candy and pretend you are looking AROUND the other eye candy to check yourself in the mirror. For more eye candy. Not always an accomplished feat. When applicable, take advantage. NUMBER TWO! They make you take off jewelry in your mug shots. Not allowed to wear it in the holding tank.

"Dude, namaste and all that, but could you please hike up the shorts?"

Thank you, I now have apple juice in the far reaches of both sinuses. Whew, how hilarious was that?

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So the Fish Said...

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem, I whisper with my lips close to your ear.

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