First, I want to thank you all for helping and supporting me in this very difficult time. I appreciate the effort and thought you all put into the more than 60 yummy boys you recommended for the position of my new Pretend Celebrity Boyfriend.
This has been a very tough decision. Part of the difficulty is that that I still really want to pick Jude, because I've loved Jude so long it's hard to walk away. Why did you have to turn out to be a schmuck, Jude? Why?
Also, I should have said from the beginning that I am not considering rock stars. For one thing, I'm already married to a rock star so having a rock star Pretend Celebrity Boyfriend just seems a little redundant. Also, if I were going to choose a rock star it would be Dave Matthews and frankly, that is not up for discussion. I don't even care what he looks like because his voice is so amazing that sometimes when I hear it I have to go lie down for a few minutes to recover. That's why I love Dave Matthews always and forever and also why I don't listen to him on the treadmill anymore. Don't lie down on the treadmill people, take it from me.
I'm sticking firmly to the nobody under 30 rule, even though that eliminates so many worthy competitors. I'm just not ready for a boy toy yet, and when I am I plan to do it right, a la Demi and Ashton.
Jason Bateman does nothing for me. Matthew McConaughey makes me twitch, and not in a good way. I'm saving Johnny Depp for later because he just keeps getting better and I don't think he's done yet. Ewan McGregor lost me with the mountain man on a motorcycle look. Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, and Hugh Grant are too mainstream and as an added bonus Hugh is too slimy. John Cusack will always be Lloyd Dobler to me and I love him for that and don't want to ruin what we already have together.
All of these options have sort of confused and upset me. So, while I have made a choice, I'm not willing to commit my undying love because now I'm worried that I'll change my mind and regret my choice and it will be just another bad relationship which will make both of us unhappy and we will end up hating each other and not even be able to remember the things that made us fall so madly in love in the first place. No, instead I'm taking this one slow and am just saying that this is my Pretend Celebrity Boyfriend "for now," and we'll just have to wait and see how it goes and then later if it's working out we can talk about the loving forever and ever until the shark jumping.
And so, without further ado, my new Pretend Celebrity Boyfriend is:
I've decided to love him even though King Arthur sucked so bad because of the eyes and that chin. Oh. My. God. Have you seen that chin? Go look at it for a minute, I'll wait.
And also, he's 6'2". 6'2". 6'2".
I called him to let him know the news and now we are in love. He wanted to take me to Venice to celebrate, but I told him to take me to Paris instead because in Paris there are more places for him to buy me pretty, pretty things.
We're both very happy with the way this worked out, and thank you again for your support.