I hope somebody else brought the funny today, because I think I left mine in my other purse.
As a child, I was taught what to do when someone hurt me or wronged me. I was taught to forgive and forget, turn the other cheek, do unto others. I was never taught what to do with the anger. I wonder sometimes if little boys are taught how to be angry and it is just little girls who are taught that you should not raise your voice or throw things or hold grudges. It seems there is always at least an implication that an angry woman is a harridan, a harpy, a bitch.
Wait, I was taught one thing about anger. Don't get mad, get even. Fine, sometimes, but not always appropriate.
The last couple weeks have been pretty emotional for me, but mainly what I feel now is angry. The anger is the only thing I don't know what to do with, the thing that the world seems to tell me I should get over, should not feel.
Anger at some random person is easy enough, because you don't have to get over it, at least not quickly. You can decide that person is not worth knowing, someone you don't want in your life. You can close the door and let the anger evaporate gradually, you can move on.
But as they say, you only hurt the ones you love. So what do you do when someone you love makes you so angry you could pop? After the explanations and the apologies, where do you put the anger? You are not supposed to stay angry, after all, you are supposed to forgive and forget. And apparently, you are supposed to forgive and forget immediately. The apology is supposed to solve the problem and you are supposed to go merrily along like nothing ever happened.
I reject that, and I've embraced a different clich‚. I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore.
God, that's liberating.