so the fish said...
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More coherent sentences but no discernable point.

This morning, I noticed that I had raccoon eyes from yesterday's mascara. I thought it was a little odd since I had washed my face last night and this morning, but whatever I'll just wash it off. Turns out it was not mascara after all, just the bags under my eyes. Is Heroin Chic still in? Because if it is, baby I've got it going ON.

How can I have a closet (ok, several closets) full of clothes and still only have 6 summer tops that I can wear to work?

I had a business lunch yesterday and I carried the conversation for almost the entire time. I'm not usually the one who carries the conversation in these situations; I leave that to the peppy bubbly people. I'm usually the one who sits on the edge and answers direct questions or occasionally contributes a sarcastic comment or an unfunny joke. However, yesterday nobody else stepped up to the job and there is only so long that you can sit and listen to five people chew before you go batshit so I jumped in to save the day. After going around the table asking everyone probing questions like "So, how long is your commute?" and "So, where did you buy your shoes?" I think I lost it a little bit. I jumped up on the table and screamed "For the love of all that is holy, would you people please make a little effort to have more personality than a bunch of rocks!" That broke the ice and it was better after that. I have to meet with HR about it this afternoon, but I still think it was worth it.

I would like to take this opportunity to mention that you should all begin immediately to love and admire Casey. Since I am a detail-oriented person, at least according to my resume, I will give you three very good reasons for this. Number One: She promised to eat lunch with me in the cafeteria at Blogsville High School. Number Two: Even with the high level of crappiness in both our lives lately, she always manages to find the positive in the situation. This can be really annoying when you are trying to wallow in self-pity, but it is also an excellent quality and one that I am working to emulate. Number Three: She said that when I meet her boyfriend I can say "Hi, Sailor" to him.

Did I ever tell you about my sleep obsession? It seems relevant now since I'm not actually sleeping more than three hours a night. Occasionally I will have this dream, or something, that I'm sleeping wrong. I'll wake up and become obsessed with the idea that however I have been sleeping is the incorrect way to do it and then will be unable to fall back asleep. If I do fall back asleep I'll wake myself up again just to check whether or not I was doing it correctly. This does not make me a whack job, because clearly lately I have been sleeping wrong and it is causing me to wake up every morning at 1 AM on the dot and be unable to go back to sleep until 15 minutes before I'm supposed to get up and go to the gym. Anybody have any brilliant and wonderful ideas on how to stop this and actually sleep? Other than heavy drinking because, you know, that's not the answer to anything and also I already tried it and it didn't work.

Also, does anybody know which side your appendix is on? I've had this stomach slash side slash back pain for a couple weeks now, but it keeps moving around and switching sides. I'd like to know where, exactly, my appendix is so I can focus my psychosomatic symptoms there and have something concrete to obsess over.

Also also, gmail gave me more invites! I'm starting to hate gmail a little bit, and I'm also tired of looking at these sad and lonely and unused invites all day. So if you want one, let me know. Good complimenting of my cats yesterday, by the way. Today the price of an invite is you have to recommend a major and serious disease which could be the source of my phantom and portable stomach slash side slash back pain. Treatable diseases only please because otherwise you will make me cry. Not-enough-cute-shoe-itis would be a good one, for example.

Comments (16)

Oy vey... I can help on the appendix thingy tho. Right side a good 3-4 inches below ur belly button. Mine never hurt my back tho. Could be a kidney infection coming on. Oops. You probably didn't want to hear that eh? Drink some cranberry juice and see if that helps it.

Um, endometriosis is a real and serious disorder that could cause all kinds of abdominal/pelvic pain, but being that it is an often-misunderstood "female problem" it works very well as a psychosomatic thing, as well.

Didja like that? Can I have a gmail invite? :)

right side it is. don't wait until it starts to rupture like i did -- much more painful that way :|

I say, tell everyone you have a rare condition called floating appendix, it covers all the bases. I would like a new name for the red puffiness that is now my left eye, becuase the word sty doesn't cover it. Painful puff of death is more like it.

Could be gall bladder trouble too.

ohhh floating appendix is VERY serious. You might to call in sick for a like week or something. is it catchy?
Also, the sleep thing? TOTALLY makes you a whack jo, and as an insomniac I know these things!

Appendix is the right side thought the floating appendix thingy and shoe-itis are also possible culprits. Really though, depending on other symptoms, IBS can cause those types of symptoms too.

wow, i had this 5000 word post for you and it just went poof. that really stinks.

Hey! Glad to see you back!

I must now hide your blog from my husband, so he won't start stalking you. He really thinks the crack ho look is the hottest thing ever.

Then again, he thinks I'm sexy when I'm sick, so his taste is questionable in these matters.

Oh, I see that you're back (it only took me a few days to realize). For all of the crap you've been going through, I must say that you've been funnier than hell lately. These late few entries have been basically brilliant. Bye now.

thank you

Maybe you have a kidney infection? Urinary tract infecction?

Damn, someone beat me to the gall bladder thing.

It could also be Serious Hardcore Terminal Heartburn. No, really. It happened to me. And do you know what caused it? Aleve. That I took for cramps. So then I was PMSy AND had vicious nasty heartburn. Cramps were gone, though.

Anyhow, I vote for gall bladder issues. I've heard getting Big Buckets of Cash from your employer helps that, though, as the A Number One cure is to go out and immediately buy a New Cute Outfit - shoes, purse, accessories - the whole nine yards.

Woah, you are talking to the world's best hypochondriac/for-real-always sicky here. For side aches? I have had, been misdiagnosed with, and self diagnosed myself with the following: Kidney stones, ovarian cysts, ulsers, mono (with spleen about to explode and liver about to shut down), a Tuuumah, burst appendix, and that alien thing that pops out your stomach.

Good luck. You should really go see a doctor. And from the sounds of it, it might be stress related.

Sue mentioned IBS. I know this is a serious disease but everytime I hear something about it I start to giggle because of the Cohen brother's movie The Ladykillers.

Still could be Appendix my ex had those pains, left side, right side, center, left side finally it got so bad about 1 month into it...I took him to the hospital and wham surgery! Don't mess around get a blood test and make sure your white count is not up. Could be stress, but could be appendix.

Sleeping. Ah. Is your bedroom work free? TV free? They say (whoever they are) that it should be a free zone from real life and then it allows you to sleep more deeply. The bedroom should be a retreat. And the other option is dealing with the thing that is bothering you...

Hope neither is serious!

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So the Fish Said...

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