so the fish said...
  home links archives about contact

« Credit where credit is due | Main | A Delivery! Yeah, that's it! »

My Non-Pretend Non-Celebrity Boyfriend

So, now that I have that whole Celebrity Boyfriend thing straightened out, I think it's time to tell you about my Non-Pretend Non-Celebrity Boyfriend. His name is Ralph Jones and he lives in Nowhere, Missouri. Ralph has an account with the company I work for and has been having some problems with his invoice lately. A couple of weeks ago, through a process that I still to this day do not fully understand, Ralph got ahold of me and decided that I was the answer to all of his prayers.

Ralph told me all about his problem with his invoice. I recommended to Ralph that he might want to talk to the people in Billing who could actually do something about his problem. Ralph said he had called them, but they weren't very friendly and he didn't think they were going to help him.

Then Ralph told me about his daughter. Then Ralph told me about the company he used to work for before he retired. Then Ralph told me about the cruise he and his wife took last Spring.

Finally, I promised Ralph that I would talk to the Billing people for him and would call him back in a week to let him know what I had found out.

Ralph called me the next day to read me an ad from his newspaper that he thought might be a better deal for him than the deal he has from my company. Ralph wanted to know what I thought.

Ralph called me the day after that to tell me about his neighbor and also about some car trouble he's been having.

Ralph called me the day after that to ask me if I had given any more thought to that ad he read to me two days ago and also to read me an article from the paper that he thought I would enjoy.

I finally got Ralph taken care of and his invoice fixed. Ralph called me to tell me everything was a-ok and asked if I would give him a call back. I haven't called him back. I'm trying to dump him without hurting his feelings and I think if I just stop returning his calls he'll get the message and leave me alone. If that doesn't work, I'm going to have my friend Sally call Ralph's friend Billy and tell Billy to tell Ralph that I'm breaking up with him.

Ralph called me 4 times yesterday and didn't leave a message. Ralph has called 5 times today, so far. Ralph is starting to creep me out just a little.

Comments (9)

Ok I've had customers get "attached" to me...but nothing to the level of creepyness that Ralph has now should tell him that you already have a boyfriend and if he doesn't leave you alone....Clive will beat him up

Ralph seems to have moved from annoying nuisance to slighty stalkerish, which infringes upon us blog readers, so he must be destroyed.

P.S. Really, be careful

I bet the "unfriendly" people in Billing dumped Ralph for being creepy, and that's why he latched on to you. Maybe he's just a lonely retired guy, but he's still taking advantage of the fact that you can't be rude to him as a customer. And creepy.

Um. Can you get a Restraining Order for creepyness?

I know exactly what is up with Ralph...he is lonely. I get those kinda calls a lot at work...and some of them even get creepy...although if they get too creepy I send em to my supervisor...LOL.

i love it when clients are like, 'ooh, I like your voice.' It's so funny. You're calling me to get help receiving disability benefits - it's not phone sex, sorry.
I think you should sic Clive on 'em. After all, he was a sniper in The Bourne Identity.

Ralph is, indeed, lonely. I think you should find a way to mess up his cable or water bill, so he can start buggin them instead. It'll give him a rebound. Ease the transition.


that was you? Sorry! ;-)

Weee aren't phone jobs fun?! I know just what you're talking about from my (former) job on the phones. I had one guy who called everyday about his credit card bill with *another* company that he had problems with and somehow thought *we* would fix. Um...*snort* no! He was older though and I felt bad that this old guy couldn't seem to get it. But he was also a chovanist (sp???) jerk and always seemed to be talking down to me...even though he kept calling me.

Anyway, Ralph sounds a bit odd. I'd let your security department know this guys keeps calling and it's a bit worrisome. He probably won't do anything, the best thing you can do is continue to ignore him actually. But don't let it go unsaid to a manager/security, just in case. But usually with these guys once you ignore 'em long enough they go away.

Good luck and just keep Clive close and you'll be fine ;)

Post a Comment

Remember personal info?

So the Fish Said...

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem, I whisper with my lips close to your ear.

- Walt Whitman

Meet the Fish

I want to get a pet duck and keep it in the bathtub.
I am addicted to chap stick and altoids.
I am freakishly flexible.

World's Most Beautiful Child


World's Most Handsome Child


Other Important Things

Clive Owen

Clive Owen
Pretend Celebrity Boyfriend

RSS Syndicate this site (XML)

Design by Emily

© Copyright 2004
All Rights Reserved.