I wrote this long post about despair and hardship and crying on the floor and holes and pits and hills and crossroads and relationships and faith and trust and learning to love myself, but it was boring as all shit so I deleted it.
The short version is that I have been freaked out about turning 30, because it's 30! Oh my, 30! Did you hear me? I said 30! I don't know why I've been freaking, I don't have any good reason. The truth of the matter is that 29 really sucked for me. I hope to one day look back and think "oh yes, 29, ha-ha, that was the worst year of my entire life. Thank goodness it got better from there." So I am looking forward to 30. I am looking forward to putting some distance between me and this terrible year. I am looking forward to making all of the hard and vulgar things into lessons learned rather than injuries.
I'm ready. I have learned a lot this year about who I am and who I am not. I'm ready to stand up for myself, to take risks, to believe that I will be ok. I understand that life goes off the tracks sometimes, and that is not always a bad thing.
Look out 30; I'm going to make you my bitch.