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Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't to get me

Dear Internet,

I would like to apologize for thinking that you are a big bunch or hairy stalkers with bad teeth and b.o. But really, it was an honest mistake. I received a UPS package yesterday from "Guess." There was a birthday card, signed "Al." There was also a very pretty 2005 planner with flowers and such. I had no idea who could have sent this package. The only Al we know is Chris's grandfather and he would be hard pressed to tell you what his own name was these days, so we ruled him out. I tracked the package. It was sent locally. That was when I really started to freak out. I had visions of crazy internet people hiding in my bushes and peeking in my windows and maybe washing and detailing my car. Actually, that part wouldn't have been too bad. I tracked the phone number - no luck. I tried the address - no luck. I checked the package for anthrax. What does anthrax look like anyway?

I would also like to apologize to the few of you that have my address for thinking that you had been passing it out on the street or possibly had taken out an add in the Washington Post saying "Ever wanted to be a stalker? Start with Beth! Here's her address!" (It did occur to me for a minute that it might be one of you who had decided to stalk me and honestly, I was okay with that.) It also occurred to me that maybe Chris was the one being stalked by someone who had decided to clear the way for a torrid love affair with my husband by rubbing me out and then being there to comfort him in his hour of need. That's when I checked the package for anthrax again.

Finally, I would like to apologize to my good friend Alexis for thinking she was a stalker and had mailed me anthrax.

Fair warning, people, blogging makes you paranoid.

Comments (12)

I agree, it absolutely makes you paranoid, but not only of others...I often catch myself writing to other bloggers and worrying that I might be freaking them out a bit, so I have to censor what I say very carefully so as to not make anyone wary of me. I AM NORMAL AND I WILL NOT STALK YOU, INTERNET! Happy early birthday!!!

What?! Alexis gets credit for my gift?! She's a gift stealer! It was me! And I washed and waxed your car too.

Sigh.

I want to be a stalker too. I could wear camoflage clothes and hide in bushes and stuff. Do they get health care?

I like the line Woody Allen line from The Curse of the Jade Scorpion::

"You know, there's a word for people who think everyone is conspiring against them."

WA: "I know, perceptive." -- You just can't be too careful is what I'm saying. :D

in other news... woohoo for friends who send lovely birthday gifts!

Ya know, don't sweat it. Just go have a great b-day!

You're right - the internet does make you paranoid. Whenever I go away I NEVER blog about going away until I'm back. I also make sure to post while I'm away so that no one figures out that I'm away. I'm freaked that someone will do a whois search on my domain name and find out where I live and rob my house while I'm away. Yep - I'm just another paranoid blogger!

I'm not paranoid but my husband is, so I have to act paranoid to make him happy.

it's sad that the few stalkers ruin everything for the rest of us non stalkers.....you have to try to look at everything you do through the eyes of the recipiant.....like "will sending this box of shrunkin heads come off as funny or creepy".....takes all the fun out of it

(of course I didn't send you a box of shrunkin heads for your birthday...don't be silly :) )

In my opinion a stalker is the surest sign of success. Well done.

hahahah!
Can I have you address?
;)

So if I promise not to hop on the next flight going to DC (IF thats where you are...) can I send you pretty presents, too?

Is that why you won't give me your address to send you those damn peas with the expiration date that has gone by?

I'd be happy to let you borrow my pit bull whenever you feel the need. Although I must warn you she requires large amounts of bacon, potato peelings, and empty milk jugs to chew on. ;)

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So the Fish Said...

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