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In which I talk to myself for no particular reason

Beth: You know what I hate?

Internet: Little dogs.

Beth: Well yes, I do hate little dogs.

Internet: Pointless meetings.

Beth: Who doesn't hate pointless meetings?

Internet: Snotty bitches.

Beth: Ok, that's sort of a pot/kettle thing, but yes, that's true.

Internet: Parsnips.

Beth: Did I tell you about the parsnips? I don't remember telling you about the parsnips. My god, I hate parsnips.

Internet: Your ovaries.

Beth: But I hate them for a very good reason, in that they are lazy slack-ass bitches.

Internet: People who stretch in the gym locker room. Naked.

Beth: Well that's just disgusting.

Internet: When someone.

Beth: Now wait a minute, let's try to focus here people. I get the point, there are lots of things that I complain about hating, but I have a new one! Don't you want to hear about the new one?

Internet: Yes, Beth. Please, tell us about the new thing you hate. (Yawn.)

Beth: There's no need to be so rude. Now let's see, where was I? Oh yes, I hate teenage girls. No offense if you are a teenage girl, but I find that teenage girls tend to be snotty and rude and speak in high pitched squealy giggles and be thinner than me. I've decided that if I ever have a daughter, when she is 12 I will give her a choice: she can either join a convent or the circus. I would personally prefer the circus, but I accept that this hypothetical daughter will be to some degree a person in her own right and therefore I am willing to give her options.

On a totally unrelated subject, I am listening to muzak waiting for a conference call to start and a prominent feature of the current ditty is someone breathing heavily. I just thought you should know that.

Comments (23)

Now, now. We were all snotty, rude, giggling little teenage girls once when we were young. Oh wait. Ok, not ALL of us were. :)

Teen agers period are obnoxious little snits. Fortunately they grow out of it, Well, most of them.

LOL! I love how you inserted the "no offense" disclaimer right between the sentence that says "I hate teenage girls" and the one that calls them "snotty and rude".

Without that disclaimer in there, they might have gotten offended. :)

The teenage years that I see looming ahead of me give me the willies!!! And I agree about teenage girls, which is why Princess being one freaks me out!

Not ALL teenage girls grow out of it. Some become PROFESSIONAL cheerleaders!

I swear I look at teenagers now and i think...was I REALLY like that?
The answer of course is NO I WAS WAY COOLER!
Teenagers are far less cooler these days.

I would love to hear this conversation: I hate you! Go be a nun!

That's how you can tell you're a grown up... you can't stand the sight of what you used to enjoy being. *lol*

p.s. - how's that Steve Martin book? I've been thinking about picking it up. Any good?

Phew! i passed the teenage years this past may. now you can't hate me! well, at least not for being a teenage girl :) hehe

Oh my GOD do I hate teenage girls. I hate it when I go into a store like, Express, or the Limited, and see them in there trying on all their size 0 pants. I used to be a size 0 too, when I was 15 and didn't eat! I usually end up leaving the store and coming back when those little tight assed bitches are gone. I hate, I abhor, the way they look at me. Yes I am in my mind 20s. But, DAMNIT, I'm NOT your grandma! I want to just go up to them and hiss at them that their hips will spread, and that their thighs will inevitably rub together someday. I'm a size 6 and that's okay!

Teenage girls are even worse at the movies. They like, become even more squealy and I'm all, "no way", and they are like, "whatevs. squeal squeal"

I used to love little dogs. Now that we have one though, I hate them. I think I would like a well-trained little dog, however. I wonder when this brat is going to get to that stage. Probably never.

I do hate teenagers, though. The way they dress! Quelle horreur! Anytime I go to the mall I cringe. Who said that buttcheek-revealing miniskirts on 13yo girls is okay?

I sound like an old maid. At the ripe ol' age of 24, too.

High school kids generally give me the pips. They're all taller than me (by at least a head) and they wear makeup (gender irrelevant) and they all look so cute and perfect it makes me want to hurl. Especially on the bus.

Over here we get co-ed locker rooms at the pools, makes those nekkid stretchs a damn sight more interesting!

I hate them too. Their tiny waists hanging out of low rise pants lookin' at me like i am a 30 something year old, old woman. Who the hell had the wise idea to put them on earth any how?!
Oh yea, mine is almost a teenager. I'll smack da shit outta her if she acts like that!
Ok, maybe not.
And, I'll hate her youth quietly.
Just don't push it!

I would choose the circus too....but it's very magnanomis of you to get her a choice...my mom just packed me off to boarding school (not that I wasn't happy to go)

I work with a teenage girl. (Please note: I'm stretching the word "work" to it's absolute limits in order to lump what she does into that category.)She's really very pretty - except that she has a cellphone growing out of the side of her head. It's tragic.

I used to want to be a nun when I was a teen! And also considered running away and joining the circus, but I had no circus skills. *sigh* But def...I do find most teenage girls to be snotty and rude. What's with sauntering in a huge pack at the mall, blocking my way, resulting in loss of precious shopping time? Damn them already. lol

In addition to being snotty and rude they also think the world revolves around them, when it really revolves around me.

Wait, do you realize that shipping your daughter off to the circus means you'll have to come in conact with CLOWNS at some point? You may even end up with a clown as a son-in-law! You can't allow that to happen. Trust me, I once dated a clown and I'm here to tell you no good can come of it.

Mimes aren't good boyfriends, either.

I never liked teenage girls. They all tried so hard to impress each other and make fun of people uglier than them. So, yeah, even when I was a teenager, I thought they all sucked. And now that I'm 26 and get called "Old Lady" by some of them? I hate even more.

Teenagers have to be some of the most irritating beings on the planet. Not to mention they're either dumb, obnoxious, mean, or all three. I shudder to think I will have two of them in my house in 12 years or so!

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So the Fish Said...

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem, I whisper with my lips close to your ear.

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I want to get a pet duck and keep it in the bathtub.
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