When my alarm went off at 5:00 today, I rolled over, yelled "shut the fuck up, you ignorant whore," turned off the alarm and went right back to sleep. I loved myself for that. It was 5 AM after all when all rational people are asleep and warm and asleep and not getting up to feed the whining cats and brave the cold and go to the gym to run on the treadmill for an hour. However, because I am psychotic and also crazy and cannot possibly skip the gym without risking immediate death or maybe bad breath and boils, now I have to go to the gym after work. The only thing that is worse than going to the gym at 5:00 in the morning is going to the gym after work. I hate myself for this, hence my dilemma. Is it better to love myself at 5 AM and hate myself all day, or hate myself at 5 AM and mildly resent myself but also feel self-righteous and thin all day? I think I need to have a peanut butter cookie while I ponder this universal question. We will not even start on the love/hate fiasco brought on by peanut butter cookies.