I'm living in a war zone.
My front porch is home base for one side in the wide-ranging conflict. My front porch makes an excellent base as the surrounding terrain makes it easy to defend. Also, you can hide behind the hedge rows and launch a surprise attack when the enemy passes by. However, as far as I can tell the soldiers have walkie-talkies but no weapons, so I'm not entirely clear what they use in the attack.
The retaining wall in my back yard appears to be some sort of holding cell. There have been interrogations taking place there sporadically for several days. I expect there will be a sneak attack from above before long, and I think the occupying army should pay careful attention to what is going on in the junipers above their heads. Also, as long as they are down there, they should take my trash and recycling up to the curb.
It has been rather stressful trying to live my life while surrounded by battles. I can't decide whether I should barricade myself in a closet or invite the commandos in for hot cocoa. You see, it's very cold today and I'm sure their mothers would be upset to know they weren't wearing their gloves. I've also considered loaning them my set of walkie-talkies, but I am concerned doing so may change the balance of power in a conflict that I do not fully understand.
Perhaps I should call the U.N.?