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So, yeah. A whole lot more people were interested in the mole on my head than I thought would be interested in the mole on my head, which proves either that my moles are deeply fascinating to the multitudes or you were all really bored yesterday. Anyway, after such an outpouring of concern and support and surprisingly no jokes at my expense (at least none that I got) I feel like I owe you an update.

First things first, I have decided to name the mole Myrtle because I like it and also because my love for Dawn is deep and unending and possibly inappropriate but she sent me a page-a-day cat calendar so she should have expected that. So Myrtle and I went to the doctor yesterday, and the doctor said that while Myrtle may possibly be planning a coup d'etat or some other such mischief, she is not malignant and therefore can stay or go at my discretion. The doctor than presented my options for Myrtle's untimely demise. I can either go to my dermatologist who would apparently remove her with a melonballer, or some such contraption, or I could let the doctor just chop her off. The drawback of going to my dermatologist is that, while I love him for giving me magical zit potions that finally kicked the ass of my adult acne, he has the bedside manner of a trout and I try to avoid seeing him at all costs. The drawback of having it done by my doctor is that Myrtle may grow back, and if she did, I'm sure she would be almighty pissed.

So in the end, Myrtle and I left together to take some time to contemplate the lesser of two evils. We are going out for a nice dinner tonight, just us, to talk. Myrtle feels that we just don't communicate anymore.

Comments (20)

At least there was no talk of shaving right? You two have fun at dinner tonight!

Good to know all is well. :)

Myrtle works... and if it didn't? Its not like I sent you a cat calendar-- you can't compete with that.

I've had two moles extracted-- both by my doctor. I vote for going to the person who will wield the melon baller and the subsequent torch thingy with the most care. And then I'd go with whoever is hotter.

Ya' know - breakups are always tough for ALL involved...enjoy the last bit of time you have with her.

That is totally whack.


I'd avoid the trout. Maybe look for a referral ("Do you know any totally hot dermatologists in the area?")

Maybe she thinks ya'll don't talk anymore because she's a little concerned with the knowledge that you've put a contract out on her life? Just sayin'....

I'm telling you, the answer lies with Uncle Buck.

Melon baller, huh? Please report back before I have Ernestine checked out.

So glad to hear Myrtle is benign. Myrtle is definitely the more appropo name. You're probably too young to remember this but Myrtle reminds of me of the little girl Dodie on My 3 Sons who had a doll names Myrtle. Just one of the useless TV trivia facts I'll evidently always remember from my childhood. Can you tell I'm avoiding work?

bedside manner of a trout! OMG I just spit coke all over my monitor! lol

He must know my doctor. He told me last time I went in "You've gained 15 pounds, you better watch it."

Um WTF? For the record, I'd lost SEVEn pounds and his scale was wrong. lol Not that I needed to gain or lose any weight, am at healthy weight, so WHY IN GODS NAME WOULD HE SAME SOMETHING LIKE THAT? lol

Pray tell, what exactly was the magic potion for adult acne? I really need a miracle here. Glad you and Myrtle are going to have a heart to heart.

Myrtle owes you for even including her in the decision making process. It is, in fact, your body and your control! :-)
Good luck at dinner, and hopefully, Myrtle will see the need for a decision!

I just read in the Mayo Clinic quarterly that there is new research which says that patients with moles who eat a lot of chocolate have experienced up to 34% shrinkage in all skin growths. But you have to eat a. lot., so I don't know whether you would be willing to make that kind of sacrifice or not.

Gobnait. She's annoyed because you're calling her the wrong name. For a cat calendar. Tsk.

bedside manner of a trout. *snorts*

Honey, you are talking to your mole. Are you feeling ok?

it's good to talk these things out...just make sure you don't give her too much wine....I hear those moles can become quite hostile when intoxicated

Damn freeloading mole. Until she gets a job and pays rent, you are the boss of her. While she's living under your roof, you make the rules.

(maybe if you upset her enough, she'll just run away....)

Can I have a whack at it?

[grin] Beth, you are your readers are all so funny I'm definitely coming back here for more!

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So the Fish Said...

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem, I whisper with my lips close to your ear.

- Walt Whitman

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I want to get a pet duck and keep it in the bathtub.
I am addicted to chap stick and altoids.
I am freakishly flexible.

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