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Ollie Ollie In-Free


Today is the day, folks. Today is the day to muster your courage, rally your troops, possibly even gird your loins, and comment where you have never commented before. Think of it as making your mark on history, like writing an amazing novel or curing cancer or peeing your name in a fresh bank of snow. You don't have to be clever or funny or wise, although extra points will be awarded if you are, but if you don't comment I will sit in the corner and whine like a little kicked puppy and nobody wants that, now do they? So let's go, kids. Delurk and show yourselves for the brilliant and savvy people you clearly are. I will even give you a topic:

Of the following real-life happened to me examples, which is the worst:

- Drooling (and I mean big-time) on your yoga mat in the middle of class.
- Training a group of 150 people for two hours with your fly undone.
- Passing out. In church. On Christmas Eve. While standing at the front of the church holding a very large candle.
- Coming out of the bathroom with your dress tucked into your pantyhose. At a wedding. Your own wedding.

So come on now, don't make me beg. I mean, I'm happy to beg, but it won't be pretty.

(Whoops - almost forgot to give a shout-out to Sheryl for the idea!)

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» Gab-fest from WaterLanding
According to Miss Zoot and Beth the Fish, Sheryl has declared today De-Lurking Day. They explain it better, but basically the message is to encourage interactivity and build community through colloquy across the cyber-galaxy, specifically by promoting ... [Read More]

Comments (84)

Yes! The first one out of the shadows! Okay, okay, I know I am not technically a lurker therefore I should move over and give way to those who are and are waiting to comment already.....

btw...i chose training with zipper down...

Here's your comment! I'm voting for the wedding dress in the pantyhose.

Also, I linked you in my DeLurk post.

I've gotta go with the wedding mishap. Fainting/passing out is something that can't be helped, drooling is a natural body response, and the fly undone is mighty embarassing, but not as embarassing as tucking your dress into your pantyhose!

Were you drooling on your wedding dress when it was tucked into you panties and then you fainted when you came out and saw Chris' fly undone? 'Cause that would have been a fun video to capture!


The dress tucked into the panties is by far the worst. I've done that myself...but I was in the 4th grade standing before my class...and I had on cabbage patch kid underwear. Mortifying. Though I'm sure the wedding setting was worse. :0)

is this a bonafide holiday or just something you crazy cacti do?

I'm definitely a lurker -- I read your site (and your husband's) every day, but never comment. Here's what I think about the worst of the four embarrassments: definitely worse to pass out with a candle in church. Why? Because with the others, you may face intense feelings of humiliation, but with the church collapse you could have set the whole place on fire! The element of potential property damage (especially church damage) puts this one over the top.

I'm commenting because you scared me! Okay, not really.

For me it would be the fly down. The wedding dress may be more extreme, but I figure there you'd be surrounded by people who love you and you can more easily laugh at yourself. The fly down thing would have had me wondering for days who noticed, etc.

I consider myself a Lurker b/c I spend way more time here than I do commenting. As I told your husband, I believe this is b/c I'm intimidated by your readers. They are SO DAMN FUNNY.

Happy De-Lurking Day Beth.

Delurking to say: fly down. It was the *two hours* that pushed it to the top for me - I mean, was there no one there who could take you aside on a break and say "XYZ, PDQ?"

And was my school playground the only playground where kids said "XYZ, PDQ?" I really hope not.

Yes, the wedding dress thing is probably on top of the embarassing list. Although, passing out in church is right up there. Now if you passed out because you were drunk, and then the candle lit the church on fire, that would push it over the top.

Those are some tough choices. I'd have to go with the wedding dress one. You really did ALL of those? Wow. ;)

Ok...I came out of the ladies room in a bar (A BUSY BAR) with my skirt tucked into my tights! I WAS MORTIFIED! I had to drink myself into oblivion.

i gotta go with the drooling. i was gonna say the church incident, but really, god understands. :D

Happy New Year!

The dress tucked up in the rear, by far the worst. I'm with Zoot - you and your regular commenters are much too intimidating. The wit displays sparkly, sharp edges that I am just too dull to deal with. But I sure love reading it all.

I will say the wedding dress thing. Also, HOW? Aren't wedding dresses typically.... poofy? Like, far poofier than your ass?

Also also, the church thing, but it would have been far funnier if you had sneezed and blown out your candle during a quiet solemn moment and then gotten a serious fit of the giggles. Not that anything like that's ever happened to me. No sir.

Hmmm...I'm going to have to go with fly down during training for 2 hours. Happy delurking day!

Partial lurker here, as I visit far more often than I comment.

My vote goes to the dress in the pantyhose. There are usually friends of everyone's parents & new in-laws, etc. V. embarrassing!

Wedding dress in the pantyhose definitely.

My opinion... The worst has got to be making with the drool.

My reasoning... a)Training people means you're in charge. As far as they know, you meant to leave your fly down. Have you followed up on those folk? Perhaps there are flies down across the country because of you. b)Passing out in church might have gained you respect with the congregation. They probably thought you were having an awkwardly-timed "moment" with the Holy Ghost. c) Nuthin like telling the snobby singles to kiss your ass at your own wedding. You've got class, lady. You can train me anyday.

I hate to be so boring, but I'm not sure I've ever done any of those things. But I'll gladly comment for you anyway. :)

I go with the wedding dress thing followed closely by the zipper. Oy the embarassing moments we have in our lives!
(I can't beleive I just said oy)

I suppose I'm a partial-lurker, since I have commented a few times, but am a daily reader.

I think the dress thing is absolutely mortifying! Although the church thing is pretty close . . . I can't believe these things actually happened to you! =P

I'm a lurker more than a commenter - although I have commented here before!

I can't imagine having my WEDDING DRESS tucked into my pantyhose. I would die a thousand deaths!

I lurk from time to time. I guess 'cause I'm afraid my comments will just pale in comparison to your skinniness and good complexion. But, here I am saying hi. Oh, and I hope you win for Best New Blog.

As I have passed out in church more times than I can count (I have no idea what thats about), I'm going to say that the wedding dress would be the worst-- that, you would actually have to be conscious for.

Good morning from a loyal lurker. I'd say conducting training for 2 hours w/your fly undone -- if i'd been there...i'd have told ya sweetie!

My life is FULL of embarassing moments...really, it's like it's one LONG extended movie version of embarassement....Here are a few illustrations....

1) There was the time that my future father-in-law walked in while I was in the 'up right position' with my significant other....he thought it was so funny that he decided to stay for a few minutes to talk about the weather (wherein I actually asked myself silently if one could DIE of embarassment)

2) Or perhaps the time in the dorm room during undgrad that I had my crush, Derrick, over for some home brew cider (I was feeling SO cool at this point because I had actually brewed the illegal stuff myself in closet!)...and I handed him a mug with an errant TOENAIL floating on the surface (HOW DID IT GET THERE? We'll never know!) I can tell you however that the feeling of coolness definetly evaporated as soon as I saw the look of horror on his face!

3) Or maybe even the incident that kicked off my life of shame (which happened when I was like 10 or something) where I farted....REALLY loudly...while seated on a wooden an auditorium that seats about 800+....during the really intense part of a hypnotists performance...HE ACTUALLY TURNED AROUND TO SEE WHO IT WAS...(again, thoughts of dying from some kind of shame induced aneurism flowered through my tender mind)

See? You're SO NOT the only one!
phew, that felt good!

While none of those things have happened to me (other things have, but none of those) I was at a wedding where the groom passed out. So that's almost a two-fer - passing out in church and embarrasing thing that happened at a wedding! Oh and did I mention, when he passed out, he collapsed on his 9 year old son! The kid's scared for life, I tell ya!

Yesterday I was wearing a cute new skirt. This skirt had an inner slip which was attached only at the top (not all down one side or anything), which is how the bottom of the slip ended up hanging out over the top of my skirt for a few hours. Not quite the pantyhose incident, but of course no one bothered to tell me about it. I seem to have many, many stories which involve large numbers of people seeing my underwear...maybe i'm in the wrong business?
Happy D-L day

I'm not a lurker...I'm your husband...although I guess the two aren't mutually exclusive. But happy DL day anyway :-)

That kind of stuff is just really fun to re-live, isn't it?

I don't think it's embarrassing, but the fainting in church...I have seen 3 people faint in church. One was an old man, who ended up in an ambulance. The other two were young women who ended up with a positive pregnancy test. Did this happen to you THIS Christmas Eve?!? Wouldn't THAT be something!

I don't comment as nearly as often as I read. You are fabulous. *smooch*

Delurking to say how much I love your site and posts and all that.

Oh and I can't decide which i want to hear about more. The wedding dress or the training. I have done the dress before not at my wedding of course but never the training so maybe we should go for that one :-)


I'm going with the drool. I'm going to guess the dress was big enough/long enough that although it was obvious it was tucked in you weren't actually bearing your behind to anyone.

Happy New Year, Beth!

Let's see....

I think I will go with passing out in church, based soley on the amount of punctuation you used in describing it. Plus, there is the extra fire hazard involved.

I do think that the wedding pantyhose thing would push me over the edge, but that's why we have things like Maids of Honor, ceremony coordinators and the like.

Luking officially over.

So this Christmas Eve fainting candle incident? Was anything set on fire? If so, I think that wins for most embarrassing ;)

Anyway, delurking as instructed. I just recently started reading your journal and am quite shy about commenting. But here I am!

I've nearly passed out in church several times.

OMG they are all just classic. I can't pick just one. You make me laugh and really I am laughing with you, because all of the above, could have been me. But I was too busy playing wall ping pong with my own body.

I prefer begging -- it's more pleasurable that way... oh yes -- especially from you...

My uncles farm, and my grandfather's farm were about a mile apart -- one day, when I was about 6 or 7, I left my uncles farm -- I knew I should have used the facilities before I left - I knew it, but didn't. So -- the first half mile wasn't too bad - mild cramps - nothing big. The next quarter of a mile I had to stop and scrunch my cheeks together -- oh yes -- I thought this might work... the next eighth of a mile (still and eighth to go - I know how mathmatically challenged you are) I considered doing what most bears do -- but was afraid of encountering one of them -- so on I went -- with my butt cheeks clenched...

Finally - I could see my grandfather's farm -- oh the pain -- oh the agony -- but just a few hundred yards to go -- I tried to run, but couldn't - I could sense an eminent escape in my drawers -- so I walked -- stiff-legged -- those last few hundred feet -- I reached for the door -- no one was home, but the door was open -- I took a single step into the house -- then -- then -- it happened --- yes -- I did... but it felt soooooooooooo good....

There -- happy now?

I'm relieved to know why these corners have been so hard to hide in -- you have a billion lurkers skulking around here!

I have to go with the wedding dress in the pantyhose debacle as most embarrassing. It's the one where the odds of the incident ending up on film are too high for comfort. (Eep!)

I'm technically supposed to be WORKING, so I'm just going to shout "HOWDY!!!" at ya!

I was gonna say the wedding dress one--but...its your wedding, and you can do what you want. ;) lol

I made a career out of passing out in Church when I was a teenager. Eventually, parents let me stay home. BWAHAHAHAHAHA

Definitely the wedding dress. Didn't you notice that the room had become considerably more drafty? :)

By the way, what does the "PDQ" of "XYZ,PDQ" (from SpaceCase's comment) stand for?

De-lurking to cast my vote for 'Training a group of 150 people for two hours with your fly undone'.
Great blog!

Is it wrong to admit I chuckled at each of them equally?

The paper towels at my work are so low-grade, there's no way they have any name, let alone one so grand as quilted sunrise. (Delayed delurker comment)

Coming out of the bathroom with your dress tucked into your pantyhose especially if you're wearing that cute new lacy thong. Unless, of course, you had a really long train covering your tush.

Coming out of the bathroom with your dress tucked into your pantyhose. At a wedding. Your own wedding is DEFINATELY the worst of all of them. *nods* trust me, even if I don't know for sure. =D

Hi, I'm Melissa and I'm a LURKERholic on your site, but today I'm coming out of the closet to spread some honey your way! Come share in this special De-Lurking Day and do some of your own.

Look at all those commenters. Very impressive. Do you have a snap of the wedding dress thing at all? Just wondering...

boy with all this delerking going on do I feel like just another face in the crowd...and what a crowd it is....I've always loved the dress in the hose story...hehehe

I categorically deny that you have ever drooled on my yoga mat in the middle of class. I don't even own a yoga mat.

Oh *your* yoga mat. Ew. How unfortunate.

Would that move be called "slobbering downward dog"?

There can only be one worst?? Now, where is the fun in that... I vote they are all just as blood-draining-from-face-quicker-then-concorde-..oops wit concorde does not fly anymore...ah well you get the idea.

The wedding dress followed closely by the zipper....**shudder**

Yo! I de-lurked, even though I'm not really a lurker. Can we go buy some altoids and a yoga mat now?

(I don't know, lack of food has made me woozy.)

De-lurking and hoping to see you at my place to comment so I can add another dollar to the tsunami fund!

I have to go for the wedding fiasco.

Looks like you've gotten a few comments today. Kudos

My cousin used to pass out in church A LOT. Especially on holidays. I think it had something to do with the standing-room-only crowds on those days and the stiflingly funky-smelling incense. When you try to hold your breath for 45 minutes, it can tend to make you light-headed.

Okay, the last scenario is very clearly the worst. Happy De-Lurking Day!

Wowza, what a lotta lurkers! Um, me included. I'm de-lurking because I don't think I could take the puppy-whining. It would make me cry and want to adopt you.

Wow. One of my New Years Resolutions is to be less lurker, more commenter. This was an easy first step!

I don't know why I have been in lurky mode lately but consider me unlurked.

Passing out in church does sound quite embarassing and something that might happen to me. 10 minutes into any church service causes me to have narcolepsy.

Oh it's true I lurk more than I post--- so shoot me. No, please. SHOOT ME.

But of the mishap list? Hmm, drooling = personal moment, no worries. Dress in pantyhose at your own wedding =great story for the grandkids, no worries. Passing out in church, in front with a candle = a sign from God that you should start your own religion, no worries. Fly down during a training seminar = an effort to get their attention and hold it, did you get a bonus for that? Cause most trainers do not make nearly that kind of attempt. They should be paying you the big bucks-- that's all I'm saying.

DATE: 01/05/2005 07:25:30 PM

Sorry about the previous comment - I just wanted to be 69 (the magic number) SO BAD!!!!!

I want to hear more about the passing out on Christmas Eve in church.

Happy De-lurking day!! :)

I am exhausted from all this delurking damnit! I need a nap!

Ok, ok, here I am. You know I'm always reading you. :)

Oh, I'd have to say the wedding dress "for you" that is... most of us guys would probably dig it!



I have all kinds of drool issues myself, and they're always humiliating. Like on airplanes? So I sleep on airplanes. And when I sleep, my mouth opens and I drool. That's how it works around here. It's always so embarrassing. So I've gotta go with the yoga mat drool incident.

wedding dress

Gotta go with the wedding dress in the hose episode! But the question is, did any one get it on video tape? And can we see it? *grin*

Waving! I am here...even though I am behind in my reading! I made it on the same day you posted!

Not really a lurker, but hello anyway! And I think the training/open fly incident would be the most embarrassing to me. At least all of the people at my wedding knew me and loved me.

Happy De-Lurking Day! I lurk around here everyday. I think the worst real-life mishap is your wedding dress being tucked in your pantyhose. This happened to me once, but I was in the third grade & had shorts on under my dress. I loved hanging upside down on the jungle gym when I was little. Anyhoo, I am out of the shadows today and giving out a lot of info about myself right now. :O)


I passed out once in church on Christmas Eve too! Although, I was up kneeling for communionion and not holding a candle, it was still dramatic as all hell.

Apparantly I was like the 5th person that day, because the new carpet was emitting some sort of fumes.

Too funny - I thought I was the only one.

whoa! You have a million comments! I am not a lurker, but always a fan...

Ok, I don't think MY BLOG has had even 80 comments in total and that so pisses me off but that's a whole nuther story so....The wedding dress and the panty hose thing. That is wrong on so many levels. First thing, it was your wedding day and you were wearing pantyhose? Didn't your mother give you that talk about how you have to wear the corset and the garter belt thingy with the crotchless white lacy undies? Mine did. Didn't everyone else's? What....they didn't? Damn.....

probably the dress thing even though I can't really relate. Alright there was that time in 84 but I was only experimenting and I never did it again!!!

Definately the wedding dress in the pantyhose. The others might be bad, but this was your wedding day. Your day. You get to be the Princess day. Princesses don't wear their dress in their pantihose. Major embarrassment.

Oi, it would kill me.

I think that if you were to untuck your dress from your underwear that it would not be that bad.. haha the memories it would make though! My little sister had her skirt tucked into her 'stockings' at my sister Bridgets wedding, and she was unfortunate enough to have there been 5 aunts that all took pictures of it.

MOST DREADFUL: Passing out in church in the front. Holding a candle.

Sorry I haven't commented in awhile!!

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So the Fish Said...

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