Yesterday, Chris posted a question on his site as to whether or not it was ever appropriate to drink directly out of the one gallon bottle rather than using a glass. The answer to this question is no. However, the people who responded to Chris's question were clearly confused and did not recognize that the answer to this question is no. What follows is the email conversation Chris and I had regarding this confusion and the serious implications of the underlying question.
Oh, this might be offensive. Sorry bout that.
I don't think so. I just think they see no harm drinking beverages as god intended they be consumed.
If god intended us to drink out of the bottle, he wouldn't have given us glassware.
"Sip thine sports drinks from their original vessels if thou art the solitary drinker. Offendeth not thine guests but encourage thine wife to getteth over it."
"Wast thou raisedeth in a barn? Wast though raisedeth by wolves? He that doesth not decant thine sports drinks into appropriate glassware is an abomination and an affront to nature. Also, he who sipith sports drinks from their original vessels aggravates thine fat and cranky wifeth."
"Protesteth not the nature of a man who drinketh from plastic. For it is not the vessel of the sports drink that matters. Nay, it is the vessel of man of greatest import."
"He who sippith of the vessel carved not of glass but of 25% post-consumer recycled plastic intends no affront to his wifeth. For she is neither rotund nor cranky. She is beautious in her splendor, being with child. Whilst her moods dost swing, there art more pressing concerns than drinks of sport."
"He who drinkith from the bottle drinkith his own backwash."
Billy Bob 17:76
"He who hath a fat and cranky wife shall consider who hath gotten her into such mess in the place of the firsts, and shall make such small
accommodations as shall bring pleasure to said wife to insure the happiness of his home and maintaineth his headeth upon his shoulders."
"The Lord hath revealed to his chosen people that upon his decree all people shall pour their chosen sports drinks into appropriate glassware before drinking always. Further, all people shall rinse said glassware and place it into the washer of dishes in an orderly and correct fashion. So sayeth the Lord."
"And Denzel strode into the kitchen to rinse his vessel. Upon its deposit in the dishwasher his cranky wife spoketh - 'arranged glassware properly, you have not, Denzel. For now I must rearrange all the dishes in the place to assure proper washing and ease my neuroses' Verily, Denzel gave up instead using no glassware for surely he would be wrong in his arrangement of such vessels."
"And the Lord sayeth,be ye not a sheep and follow blindly. Be ye a leader, blazer of trails, leader of men, leonardo of the caprio. Reject the silly imbibing habits of mortals and drink direct from the font of sports beverages."
"Soylent Green is people!"
"Damnit, you called dibs"
"Thou knowest full well that while thine wife doest have the annoying habit of rearranging the washer of dishes, thine wife generally doest politely refrain from mentioning such rearrangement and rather quietly rearranges the washer of dishes to accommodate her own neuroses."
"If thou choosest to be a leader, thou shouldst not be a leader in drinking from the vessel of the sports drinks but rather be a leader in picking up thine own socks from the bedroom floor."
"Louie Louie [unintelligible]"
"She who hath the dibs, hath also the power."
"And the Lord said drink. Drink of my blood and my malted beverages.
Drink straight from that tap of all that is good and holy. Drink thine 40, drink from its paper bag the color of the desert. Use no other vessel but the vessel in which it came."