Coleen threw down the gauntlet. And I tripped over it and landed on my ass and decided I had better agree to participate in Februarium 2 before I did myself any further damage. The challenge is to write five posts about love over the next five days on topics specially selected by our lovely hostess. At the risk of making you all gag uncontrollably by writing letters to my unborn child two days in a row, I hereby present my effort at:
Februarium Day 1: Who you love
This is a letter to anyone. Or no one in particular.
Dear Lima Bean,
I was not prepared to love you, at least not now. I expected to love you later. I had this fully developed fantasy where they placed you in my arms and your father put his hand on the top of your head and you opened your eyes and bam, I was madly in love with you forever. Or maybe it wouldn't be that way. Maybe I would be too tired and overwhelmed and would miss the moment. Maybe it would happen that first night when you were lying beside me and started to cry and I picked you up and you stopped crying, not because I had done anything but just because you recognized me and were comforted. That would have done it too - instant and total love. I'm sure I will love you at both those times, but it won't be the first time.
I don't know when it happened. I don't know when loving the idea of you turned into loving you. I was not prepared for it. I was not prepared for you to change from a clump of cells and an idea into our child. I wasn't ready for you to go from being a baby to being my baby. I was shocked when you stopped being a theoretical creature composed halfway of me and halfway of the man that I love and became your own being. I wasn't ready for this to happen so soon, but there is no going back.
I love you with all of my heart. I spend every minute of every day thinking about you and hoping that you are alright and trying as hard as I can to do all the right things for you. I promise you that in the midst of all the craziness and uncertainty that I am bringing you into, you will always, always know that your mother loves you. I can't wait to meet you.