Dear Lima Bean,
I know that you are really only 13 weeks old and that most of your intestines are still probably hanging out in your umbilical cord, but now that your eyes have moved to the front of your head and you are able to move and grow eyebrows and pee, I think it is time to start setting some rules and teaching you responsibility.
First of all, do not start sucking your thumb. I know it will be very tempting in that your thumb is right there and your arms are finally long enough to get it into your mouth and honestly, there isn't a whole lot going on in my uterus as far as entertainment goes, but just trust me on this one. I sucked my thumb until I was 16 and only gave it up when I started smoking. Take my word for it, don't even start. (We'll talk about the smoking later, but if you do take it up you will be required to bum smokes to me and your father.)
Second, we will be having your picture taken in a couple of weeks and this is not the time to be shy. Don't cross your legs. I am going to be changing your diapers for years to come, so there isn't anything there that I'm not going to be well acquainted with. You will have plenty of opportunities to keep secrets from us, especially once you hit the teenage years, don't start with this one.
And finally, we are going to see the nice doctor tomorrow and have the triple screen test. Don't worry, they test me, not you. All you have to do is, well, whatever it is that you do all day. Now, I will still love you with all my heart even if you turn out to have gills or a great big melonhead (like me) or even if you are a Republican. I know this test has an incredibly high false positive rate, so even if it is positive there's a 95% chance it doesn't mean anything, but I'm not sleeping as it is so I'm going to have to be very strict. If you don't pass, you are totally grounded for 25 weeks.
(Just for fun, if you ever read this letter and can tell me what the title references, I will either give you a cookie or let you borrow the car, depending on which will thrill you more when it happens.)