I have lately begun a very intimate, high drama, high conflict relationship with my pillow.
See I read this book, All the Ways You Have Already Irreparably Screwed Your Unborn Child. You know that book, right? Anyway, this book said that once you are 16 weeks pregnant you should not sleep on your back or YOUR BABY WILL DIE!!! No problem, I never sleep on my back. I've had to rearrange some of my favorite couch sloth positions, but really no big deal. However, the next paragraph was about how you should also not sleep on your stomach because it puts pressure on your uterus and YOUR BABY WILL DIE!!! OR AT LEAST HAVE A MAJOR PERSONALITY DISORDER!!! AND WE KNOW ABOUT ALL THAT WINE YOU DRANK BEFORE YOU KNEW YOU WERE PREGNANT AND BELIEVE ME YOU WILL REGRET THAT YOU STUPID HORRIBLE COW!!!
(I think the tone of this book may be a little reactionary. Anyway.)
I sleep on my stomach with my head under my pillows. It's really the only way to do it and I'm not interested in anybody who might have another opinion on the optimum way to sleep because frankly you are just wrong. However, I consider it a sort of personal goal to not kill my baby, so I'm willing to try the whole "sleeping on your left side" thing that all the reactionary pregnancy books recommend, even though clearly this is an elaborate hoax played on pregnant women because everybody knows it is not possible to sleep on your left side. The gurus recommend that you sleep with a pillow either between your legs or next to you with your top leg on top of it for support and also to prevent you from rolling over onto your stomach. I've been trying the pillow thing for about a week.
Our relationship has been a bit rocky. The first few nights, I got fed up and just threw the pillow out of bed. I mean, if that pillow is going to have the nerve to try to keep me from sleeping on my stomach, it can just sleep on the floor. After that, I let the pillow stay but woke up every hour or so to punch it as evidence of my displeasure. This was easy to do since I was usually sleeping directly on top of the pillow. On my stomach. However, the last few nights I think I have found a solution that allows us to peacefully coexist in the same bed. I just scoot over towards Chris's side of the bed and roll blissfully over onto my stomach, and the cats sleep on the pillow to prevent it from getting any ideas about trying to get me back onto my side. We are all very happy with the arrangement, except for the Lima Bean of course, but I've already done so many things wrong that I'm sure one more won't make any difference.