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I've been trying to find a way to make this funny, but it just isn't. There is a happy ending though, so stick with me.

Yesterday at 9:27 AM, my OB called to tell me that the quad screen blood test I had last week had returned a much higher than normal indication that the Lima Bean may have Down Syndrome. The results were so bad that they recommended I have an amnio right away rather than waiting a couple of weeks for an ultrasound.

I spent yesterday trying not to cry (I know, I know, it's only an indicator and very likely to be wrong at that, but you try to be logical when it's your kid) and trying to find someone at my OB's office who could figure out how to schedule an amnio. I'm not even going into the fiasco of trying to schedule the test, because it will just make me scream.

When Chris got home, we talked about it and he convinced me to call the OB back and ask some more questions that I had thought of during the day. When I talked to the OB, she took another look at the test results and realized that they had been calculated using the wrong due date. A correct due date is one of the major factors required to get accurate results from this test. They were off by 4 weeks.

The results were completely invalid.

The OB called me this morning with the results of the test using the correct due date.


I am not having an amnio. I am having a super-duper sonogram in a couple weeks just to be sure they don't see any indicators. I am also reading my OB the riot act as soon as I see that the sonogram is normal.

(P.S. to whoever swiped my cheese out of the fridge at work: Stealing food from a pregnant girl? You must be so proud.)

Comments (56)

Wow, I can't even imagine how your day must've been. I'm SO glad the results ended up being normal.

And SHAME ON the cheese stealer!

I can't even put myself in your place and imagine what you must've have been going through. I am just so happy for you that everything is okay. What a big difference 4 weeks make. If you find out who stole the cheese, I say an eye for an eye. Besides, you can always blame your actions on your hormones, right?

You know, the exact same thing happened to a friend of mine last year, only it took them a week to figure out what had happened. Why aren't they more careful with big important results like that?! Glad everything turned out to be ok.

Shame on the cheese-thief.

Oh, wow, I'm glad that turned out OK.

When I had my first sono with my youngest the tech and doc BOTH saw a two vessel cord instead of a three vessel cord (which can be an indicator of birth defects) and I had five total sonograms before they finally saw that the cord was normal and so was my daughter. I went almost my entire pregnancy thinking I was going to have a special needs child.

I hope the Lima Bean smiles for you!

OMG,I would have KILLED someone at the doctors office. Or at least made them pay for the massages and relaxation yoga classes you will have to take to get rid of the tension from that phone call. I am happy that everything worked out in the end, but that undue stress is inexcusable.

And cheese stealing is wrong! Wrong! that I'm breathing normal be sure and tell that OB of yours that should they try to give you another heartattack like that they are going to get a good butt kicking from a small but fierce Cajun next time they had better double check those result BEFORE they call you

what kind of a-hole steals someone else's cheese?

glad to hear it's all good :)

oh lord! that was just cruel! Stupid stupid test givers! And perhaps a pregnant person stole your cheese? Cause everyone else knows it's life endangering. Right?
Glad everythings ok! Now breath....

So glad that you got the correct (normal!) results- what a horrible day for you. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I say take out your frustrations with your Dr.'s office on the cheese thief. Put some food coloring on some crisco to make it look like cheese and then leave it in the fridge. That should teach them!

Well ya sure scared the crap out of me, until I read further. Damn. Please bitch slap the OB for me too.

And always lick the cheese before you put it in the fridge. Always good for a laugh if some steals it.

So sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad it turned out ok so far.

I would never eat food from the wrok fridge! I don't trust people like that.
More importantly, I'm sorry you had to go through the stress, but it's great that your results are nurmal. L.B. will be just fine, I predict.

When will people learn NOT to fuck with the pregnant women? Seriously.

I'm glad it looks like things will be OK for Lima Bean, and I am in full support of you reading your OB the riot act. Gah. Dumbasses.

You must have been a wreck!
So glad to hear all is good!

I have been reading your blog for a couple months now and I think you are hilarious... I just wanted to say I am sorry about what happened with the obgyn. THAT SUCKED! And I hope whoever stole your cheese gets the shits :) later girl :)

Gah! That's awful. Precisely why I never had any of those stupid tests done.

I can't believe no one's said it yet...


Had to...sorry.

Whoa! That must have been so scary! I'm so glad everything's fine.

OMG, talk about a roller coaster ride! Sheesh!

I'm really glad to hear that everything turned out fine. That must be a monsterous whhhheeeeeewwww...

And regarding the cheese issue, I recommend buying a bit of Dave's Insanity Sauce (, and dabbling just a smidgen on some cheese as a present to the cheese thief. It only takes about the amount that would hover on the tip of a toothpick.

You'll know by the screams who the thief is! That stuff is sooo hot.

yeesh! I can't believe someone didn't do a double check. I'm glad it's normal and hope that everything turns out well.

Yikes! What an emotional roller coaster to have to experience and then to find out it was because somebody couldn't add correctly. I would have been freaked out too! At least you can breathe easy now. Phew!

Whew! And *this* is why that test sucks big time!

Hey Beth...

I'm so glad it looks like things are okay. *huggles*

Now to try for a bit of wit and sarcasm (and perhaps an eye roll or two) -- this is just one of the first trials you'll have as a parent. See? The fun's starting already... *wink*


The first few paragraphs took MY breath away...I can just imagine what it must have done to you when you got that piece of misinformation. Sheesh!

So happy for you that all is well though.

There is bad karma waiting to happen to the stealer of the cheese. Aren't people sneaky! I could never touch anything in the fridge at work which wasn't mine.

I am so glad the doc was wrong Beth! But SHAME ON HIM! They need to like quadruple check those results at the bare minimum, not toy with pregnant women's (and their loving men's) emotions so much!

And I vote for a nasty note to the cheese stealer on the fridge at work.

..and I had the nerve to be in a bad mood. My day was wonderful compared to yours

Beth, I'm so glad it was a false alarm. What a nightmare!

Okay, I've heard that that test is pure bullshit. How old are you? A friend of mine (who is a chief actuary for a large international insurance company) said that that test gives false positives for women over... 31? 32? Anyway, she ran the numbers on it and found out that the number of false positives was so astronomical that the odds of having a miscarriage during the amnio were greater than the odds the baby really had Downs. She refused to take the test, which had never happened in her doctor's practice. She had to sign all these legal notices about refusing "medically necessary" tests. As she said, "If I'm not going to abort the baby anyway, what does it matter?"

Glad everything is OK with the little Lima Bean!

Your line about the cheese reminded me of that episode of "Friends" when some coworker at the museum stole Ross's special Thanksgiving turkey sandwich - and then had the nerve to say "It was quite large, I couldn't finish it all and had to throw most of it out." and then Ross had to be medicated to "on account of his rage" - heh! The cheese-thief has no clue what's in store for him/her!

What a stressful day! So glad to hear your happy ending. The super sonogram should be fun...lots of baby pictures! case you ever do need an amnio, it isn't so bad. I had one (because I was pregnat at 39) and it didn't hurt much and the ultrasound pictures were incredible! The worst part was the "idea" of it...a long needle in my abdomen poking around near my little baby (eek!).

The same thing happened to me on a Friday afternoon. I had to wait all weekend (freaking out) to find out they had calculated with the wrong date. You'd think they'd be a little more careful when they do those tests. I'm so glad everything is alright! Good luck on the sonogram - you guys must be so excited!

Thank God everything is ok. I am so relieved for you.

Phew! Good for you for making that phone call. Often we seem to be paralyzed by scary information and do nothing instead. I hope you do read the riot act to the OB because no one should have to go through that.... I bet that happy little lima bean slept through the whole thing though.

Dear god...I'd be pretty inclined to kick the teeth out of my OB for that. I can't even fathom the stress you must have been feeling.

As per erin above, I say do a "Ross" on both the cheese stealer, AND the OB.

You need someone to send you cheese and kick some ass, you know where to find me. Grr. And also glee for you.

PHEW! I'd have to give that OB a poke in the eye for giving me so much unnecessary grief

That right there is why each time when I was asked if I wanted to run the tests that screen for Down Syndrom I would look at my OB and say, "So if it comes back as it may be Downs can we do anything about it?"

"No." He would say.

And I would say, "Then I would rather not have a test that isn't even conclusive in its accuracy thanks very much. Because if it says the baby might have something and then didn't I would have worried and been upset for nothing. And if the baby does have it, whatever it may be, I couldnt do anything about it anyway, so what's the point?"

He always said, "Then taking the test serves no useful purpose for you and you have the right idea then."

I'm so glad it came out allright Beth. That sucks that you had to go through that scare like that.

I read somewhere that cheese can set off all sorts of erroneous readings ... whoever swiped your cheese, did you a favor...

Hang in there -- things will be just fine. First borns are always tough as nails -- I should know...

That's horrible!!! I feel for you, and you go and read the OB the riot act, he deserves it! I'm glad that things are okay though!

Your news made me catch my breath (not in a good way) and I am glad that the bad news was a mistake. But, with the ranging hormones I am sure that you have enough strength to pick up your OB, pin him/her against the wall, and read him/her the riot act.

Thanks for telling me there was a happy ending! I totally would've cried otherwise :S

i'm sorry you had to go through that! but very glad that your results were normal. you can breathe now. come on...exhale... :)

I'm so glad your results turned out to be normal. I'm sure your Lima Bean appreciated all those stress vibes your doctor delivered to her! hard up for cheese does a person have to be to steal from a pregnant woman? Wow.

Hi, I am so glad you had a happy ending after all! That must have been a horrible day. Gawd.

re: the cheese, I agree with whomover suggested licking it before you put it into the fridge. I think you could take it even further though. Take a Polaroid of yourself licking it first, and then if it gets stolen, tack the photo to the fridge door for the thief to behold! Ha ha ha, I am evil. :)

forgive me for playing devil's advocate but.....your scary day is so so common and exactly the reason why midwife care is superior to ob/gyn care- no unnecessary tests to scare the pants off you. no use of science to steer you off the path of what is a normal, non-medical, everyday occurence i.e. pregnancy and child birth. on the whole, civilisation has been having healthy babies for millenia without the unnecessary intervention of ob/gyns whose interference is to cover their own arse in case of a lawsuit, at the expense of your satisfying birth experience. your body is a battleground! death to the ob/gyns, i say- they only undermine your confidence in yourself to grow a beautiful baby and instil fear vis a vis your test results!!! my three children were born in birth centres- a very satisfying experience. good luck with it all and sorry if i sound like a preg/birth nazi but if i had a dollar for every time i heard a story like yours.....

Beth, I'm glad all is well. I'd missed your postings for a bit, and wondered how you were doing. All the best with LB; you're in my prayers.

Gee, thanks for the early heart failure on top of my already hormone induced emotioal state! I really appreicate it, you incompatent ninnies!!! ....I'm just saying. That would have been so what I might have said had I been in your shoes.

I am so very sorry that they worked you into a scare. I will keep LB in my thoughts and prayers for a great U/S result. In the meantime, sendin' you some mommy hugs!

So glad that everything turned out to be OK. That had to be very scary.

You just don't DO that to pregnant hormonal women! Jeez. Glad everything is OK.

Don't you just LOVE it when they tell you scary things that aren't true. I thought my sone had spinobifoda (sp?) and he was born perfectly healthy.

As for the ass and the cheese theiving.

When you find out who did it, and you've gotten to the point that you have the most horrible preggo toots...Leave a few in their office chair. They'll sit down and the stink will rise. *giggle*

I personally would NEVER do anything like that. I'm too sweet, but you never know!

My heart caught in my throat - so thankful everything is okay.

OMG I'd so be killing someone if that happened to me. You poor thing. The anxiety you must have been feeling! (HUGS) I'm glad everything is looking normal. Will stay posted to hear about sonogram.

I'm so sorry you had to go through all that worry. And really glad everything is all right. Shame of the stupid OB. Last year when I went in to see my OB, she read my chart and asked me how my pregnancy was going! I was like..."What???" "Am I pregnant?" "How did this happen??" "Am I having a miracle baby???" I told her she was mistaken or reading someone else's chart and she showed me the file had my name on it. But when I looked at the date of the chart she was looking at, it was from 1998. Silly, silly woman.

Is my mouth still hanging open?? do you like your OB enough to remain? I can't even imagine the ramifications had you not used your gut. My gut says find a new doctor!

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So the Fish Said...

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