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Paranoid? Me?

I am so paranoid. How paranoid am I? I am so paranoid that I ran some google searches to see whether someone had posted something bad about me to cause my comments to totally tank over the last couple days. I didn't find anything, so I must assume that I have just been more than usually boring. Or else, whoever posted the nasty thing has already removed the post so that I would not find it in my clever searching of the internet. Or maybe people are upset because I said that I had a smokin' ass two posts in a row and everyone who does not have a smokin' ass has stormed off in a fit of jealousy. Or else, possibly some evil empire is blocking all my adoring fans from leaving comments on my site, causing said adoring fans to sit in the corner on the floor and cry bitter, bitter tears of woe. Hard to say, really.

Anyway, I realized (thanks to Alektra) that I haven't made any new rules in a while. I'm sorry about that, I have really been slacking on my job as benevolent dictator of this authoritarian regime and it is time for me to get back to work.


1. If you work for an internet company, you should know that "email" is not written "EMail". When corrected, do not try to excuse yourself by clarifying that I told you "email" was the "corporate standard," you dingbat.

2. Don't ask pregnant women how they are feeling. I guarantee you the main thing a pregnant woman is feeling is annoyed by having to tell everyone she speaks to how she is feeling.

3. Grown-up adult people with jobs that do not involve playing professional football should not be required to participate in a High Five Line. Some of them, such as me, even consider quitting their jobs as a viable alternative to participation. (Shut up. I don't want to talk about it.)

4. If you manufacture foam mattress pads which you ship encased in airtight plastic and which stink to hades, do not try to market that stink as a "newness scent."

5. No more Lost reruns. Period.

(BTW, if anybody knows who posted something nasty about me causing my comments to tank, would you please let me know so I can act all brave and mature like I'm taking the moral high ground while secretly bad-mouthing them to everyone I talk to? Thanks.)

Comments (34)

It was me. I was totally bad mouthing your hot ass and your stinky matress pads. I'm sorry. I was just jealous. It wont happen again.

So, you're pregnant, huh? How are you feeling?

Amen to the "How do you feel?" question. Shut the hell up already people, I feel fat and annoyed.

Also? Amen to the Lost not happy.

Your ass smokes? Does that make it hard to sit down?

i'm here to boost your comments :)

Glad to know that it's just not ME who's paranoid.

I think we all like hearing about your smokin' hot ass and also how you're feeling. heh heh...

Oh yeah, #5 for sure. What is that about? High five!

Well, I don't know if anyone has written anything bad about YOU this week, but someone sure did bash me on Wednesday! I'll let you know if I come across something... :)

I'm not going to ask about the high five. If I have to ask, I don't want to know.

Also, it's totally smokin' ass jealousy. Some people just can't stand to be reminded of the hotness that exists in the world that is not them.

one would think talk about a smokin' hot ass would BOOST comments...hmm...

Jealous of your smokin hot ass? Yes.
Envious of your stinky assed mattress pads? Uh, nope.

Im amazed, totally in awe, when someone replies to my posts. Of course, I am not that interesting and witty. Just plain old boring me. ha! I'm always just on the outside of the clique. *wink*

You think your paranoid. I get like one comment per post, and half the time, it's your husband.

I'm starting to wonder....

Wait, are you insulting my smokeless ass?

I feel better knowing that you haven't had many comments lately. I'm relieved because it means the rest of the world must have been as insanely busy as I have been lately. Or maybe there's just something in the water keeping us all from our favorite blogs. Or maybe everyone else just got digital cable like me and they've been glued to the Science Channel, too.

I google myself, I search technorati all those things in fits of paranoia. :)

And as the high five thing. I hate that too. Do that thing where you fake em out and they are slapping at air and feeling like an idiot. Then it would be funny.

I don't know anything about anybody dissing your smokin' hot pregnant ass, but if I did, I'd rat them out to you so quickly, the lima bean would flip over.

I think it's just been a weird, blogcyclical week.

Yes, I made that word up. I may not be pregnant, but I have been pregnant three times, so I am totally allowed to do that.

De-lurking: more smokin'ass! Restarting Lurk-Mode...NOW.

don't even joke about someone talking smack about you... cuz i will hunt them down and whack them on the back of thier heads. who do they think they are? bitches. get me an ip addresss and heads will roll... i mean it. i love you. in a totally normal not weird way.

There are just way too many comments in this post. I'm going to have to post some nasty stuff about you. Again.

You didn't find it in Google because I didn't let their site ping it so that it would remain a secret to everyone who read it and no longer comments here.

Feed THAT to your paranoia! :D

well now that I have effectivly pulled my head out of work for a moment I can say that I saw no such nasty post and that if I did see such a post I would sign that person up for every possable spam list out there...because I am evil like that mean I have to read AND comment?? LOL sorry!

I'm confused. I don't know of any nasty comments? Freshly packaged plastic smells are bad and I am definitely jealous of your smokin' ass especially since you managed to maintain while pregnant.

It's totally that you have a smokin' ass while pregnant. I haven't had a smokin' ass since high school. (and NEVER while pregnant!)

Hey my comments have been off too and I was wondering the same thing.

In my rules, we're all allowed to talk about our own smokin hot asses on our own blogs as often as we want. ;) I referenced my own today!

Happy Friday to you, Chris and Lima Bean!

I love the rules!!!

I respectfully request rule #5 be changed to exclude the Boone episode because I missed that one.

And if you say you don't like Lost, I'm totally going to lose respect for you even if you do have smoking ass, whatever that is. ;)

A high five line? Is this a regular occurance? You poor thing. Can't you make up a pregnancy ailment whereby you get womb worms via hand to hand contact? You could make your doctor write you a note, cuz no one should have to endure that.

Oh my god, you're SO paronoid AND demanding. You must be pregnant!
(so how are you doing? :)))

'5. No more Lost reruns. Period.'
We just had the first episode here yesterday. I'm not sure if it's worth watching, what would you recommend?

sheesh...pregnant women are soo moody! ;-)
I'll admit, I am jealous of your 'smokin' ass' but I wouldn't bad mouth ya about it on the internet, I wait until it's dark and I'm in bed, then I bad mouth
just joshin'!

just "de-cloaking" to say hi. for the record, your site is one of my daily reads even though I don't always comment. it's among the more pleasant, refreshing, and friendly outposts to visit :) and what's with the high five? my theory is that it has something to do with water coolers and those funny, cone-like water receptacles. just a hunch.

Newness scent? Yeah, right... Ewwwww...

I hate it when people high five - it makes me feel like I am about thirteen..

And you know we love you and your smokin' ass...

I hope this cheers you up - you were nominated as a featured blog!

First, I've been paranoid, too, what with my comments tanking as well. Not paranoid enough to do a Google search, though. That is classic.

Next, I work at a newspaper and it is AP style (most major newspapers use this style) to write it as e-mail. email, then, is wrong, as is eMail or EMail. Or e mail.

So, take that for what you will. I take it to mean that it's fairly open to interpretation. Unless you're in journalism.

I feel so special! I got my own post and everything. And I apologize for asking how you're feeling. ;) These rules? They're for the best!

Hello There,

Have been reading your Blog for a while now and think you and the hubby are belly-shaking hilarious! Never know what to leave as a comment though....
Just this: please keep writing, you (plural) crack me up!


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