I am twenty weeks pregnant today. Halfway. It seems like I have been pregnant forever, but it also seems like I can't possibly be halfway there already. In another twenty weeks (or so) I will have a baby, which I will be expected to take home and care for and teach things and protect and I haven't got the faintest idea how to do any of that.
I can't wait to have her, my daughter, to meet her, to see her, and I also never want her to come out. I mean for one thing, have you seen how they come out? I don't see how that is possible. And for another thing, I'm scared. I don't know what to do with a baby. My whole life will be different and I don't know how to get ready for that. I'm afraid that I will drop her, that the cats will suffocate her, that I won't be able to breastfeed, that there will be something terribly wrong with her because I ate too many cookies. I'm too scared to even think about all the things that I am scared of.
I am living in a constant state of horror and shock. I really don't know how I'm going to do this. But then, I saw her toes.
Her toes made it all worth while.