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Well ain't that a kick in the head

I get these friendly and colorful weekly emails about what my baby is up to, such as "your baby is now the size of a kiwi fruit and has rather attractive gills on the sides of her head." Ordinarily, I enjoy these emails because they compare the size of my fetus to a piece of food, such as a lime or a jumbo shrimp. However, today's email for 21 weeks pregnant included the sentence "And you can certainly feel him move." Now, first of all, this is a sentence fragment and they should not be emailing such poor grammar to pregnant women where it can be witnessed and mimicked by impressionable unborn children. (Yes, I know I do it all the time but we are criticizing someone else at the moment so shut up.) Second, no I certainly cannot feel her move. Not a bit. Not once. So thank you, friendly and colorful weekly email for making me think there is something horribly wrong with my child because I cannot feel what you say I certainly should. I appreciate your support at this challenging time when I am already spending most of my time on the verge of tears and hysteria thanks to the rampant hormones running through my brain. From now on, you can leave me and my banana-sized fetus the hell alone.

And just for the record, I may not be able to feel my baby move, but I am 21 weeks pregnant and still wearing my regular jeans. So there.

Comments (18)

I'll bet you have felt her, you just didn't realize what it was.

I personally thought my oldest was gas bubbles for about a month.

I'm 5 weeks or so behind you and I tried squeezing into a pair of my regular button fly jeans yesterday and I could only get 1 button up. So you suck. A whole lot. And I'm using all these fragments on purpose just to piss you off cause you're a skinny cute pregnant girl and I am not.

Precisely right, Kristie. Of course, nothing we say will make you feel better until you feel her move yourself.
C'mon Lima Bean/Banana! Kick yo mama hard!

Oh, honey, I am so sorry you are going crazy. I know, I know! I agree that you probably are feeling her move and don't know what that is (next pregnancy, you will, though). That is what happened with me, too. And the most important thing is that your doctor can feel her move and that your ultrasound was perfect.

Not that any of this helps when you just want to feel her move!!!

Hang in there!

Hugs.

The baby is healthy, you are beautiful, and eventually, you will value Lima's polite, "let's not bother mom" philosophy?

Hugs.

I thought I was doing good because I'm not pregnant and still fit into my regular jeans. Hmmpphh, thanks a lot, rub it in. :)

Seriously, for a long time I didn't realize the things I had felt in my tummy during my first pregnancy were the baby's movements -- felt like, I don't know, kind of hunger pangs or something. But those are the first movements: barely noticeable. Don't you worry. Once baby starts kicking up a storm, you'll long for these days!

So are you still freakishly flexible?

Huh. My last pregnancy (and I mean LAST in the literal sense, because DH got snipped after it), I had to migrate to maternity clothes in the first trimester. Wearing maternity clothes for 6 months sucks rocks.

And don't worry about not feeling the Bean move yet. I didn't feel the last one through most of the pregnancy, we had to keep getting monitored the last trimester because of it. And he's been very calm for all of his 20 months. So maybe you're just getting lucky with her. :-)

Don't know why in the world you weren't on my blogroll before now, but you're now added.

K.

You tell 'em Beth!

The best way to describe the first movements I felt? Like a butterfly kiss inside my stomach. You know a butterfly kiss is your eyelashes right? Just in case it's an Australian thing....anyways, it felt like that :)

Duh, Beth. They said you can feel HIM move. You just haven't gotten the email yet that says "Stubborn female fetuses take so damn long to make themselves known that hormonally crazy pregnant women will just want to scream."

Um. Ya. I had my last baby 5 years ago and I'm still not in my regular sized jeans. You're a Godess.

I thought my first babies movements were gas bubbles for the longest time too. Drink Apricot nectar. Any pure fruit nectar will work, apricot seems to work best to make them move, then see if you have 'gas bubbles'.....

Just do yourself a favor and unsubscribe from those freakin' newsletters now. Those and the "What to reject when you are pregnant" books will make you insecure and crazy.

I still get a rogue one now and again from my youngest, and it will be all "Hi, your 27 month old should be able to identify the difference between Mozart and Beethoven, and will enjoy rebuilding your car's engine. Pay special attention to the fact that all the other 27 month olds can eat with a knife and fork, can recite the Prologue to the Canterbury Tales in middle English and also? are potty trained. How's that kid of yours doing, you big loser?"

And your MIL called you chubby?

I'm obviously reading posts backwards...

When my mother told us our pregnancy stories, she used to tell me that I was very, very quiet; which meant that I would be a very settled child. My brother Jack would move in the evening, sort of stretches, which meant that he would be a dreamer (he's a guitarist and a music producer). As for Jim, the youngest, he was so wild (to the point of flipping right-side up the night before delivery) that it meant he would be a traveller and never settle down. These were all my mother's interpretations (no gypsy wimmin involved). :-)

That's just how they get us to buy their home dopplers - they tell us weeks before something is supposed to happen just to freak the crap out of us - as if we're not already paranoid!

still fitting into your jeans - rockin'!

What food was the baby compared to this time?? As for being 21 weeks and still fitting into your regular jeans, well ...bleep... good for you! I'm ...bleeping... happy for you! *grin*

Don't stress over what the email said. I've had 3 kids and only felt 2 of them before 20 weeks... each pregnancy is different.

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So the Fish Said...

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem, I whisper with my lips close to your ear.

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I want to get a pet duck and keep it in the bathtub.
I am addicted to chap stick and altoids.
I am freakishly flexible.


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