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The Hunchbelly of Washington DC

So, the baby has a new thing. No longer content to just kick me non-stop, she has decided that the most comfortable way to spend her time is to wedge her entire body as tightly as possible into one of the top corners of my uterus. (Does a uterus have corners? That's what it feels like, so I'm going with it.) At first, this was sort of cool because I could feel her there and I spent several days grabbing Chris's hand and saying "there, feel that hard spot? That's the baby." However, I just noticed that not only can I feel her wedging all 16 or so inches of herself up under my ribs, I can also see her in the form of a large lump sticking out noticeably farther than the rest of my belly. When she gets tired of that, she heads off to bounce on my bladder like a trampoline.

As long as I'm complaining, I can't seem to keep my pants up. How are you supposed to keep your pants up when you have no waist?

Also, I noticed something disturbing last week. My thighs are terrifying. If Jabba the Hutt had thighs, I'm sure they would look pretty much like mine. Now, I've never had especially thin thighs so I don't know why I'm surprised, but things had been going so well and I feel a little betrayed.

So let's see... I'm fat, I'm lumpy, I have to pee every 10 minutes, and my belly button is about three seconds from popping out and causing severe bodily harm to anyone who happens to be standing in it's way. But I? Totally make it look hot. Swear.

I think I need a cookie.

Comments (22)

This may help in the keeping your pants up department. It's actually kind of cool.

http://www.apeainthepod.com/Product.asp?Product_ID=90164330

Is this what I get to look forward to in a few weeks????????????????

Bladder and trampoline do not belong in the same sentence......

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Ah, I know how you feel. Wobbly thighs and all :)

One side of my rib cage still sticks out further than the other due to two kids that thought it was far cooler to hang out on the right side, wedging their bums up under the ribs and then kicking the cr*p out of the opposing ribs.

On the upside, I carried high. My friend who carried low was walking like she had a bowling ball between her legs by 34 weeks!

From the pics I saw of vacation, you still look adorable. So there! You're not a wookie or a jawa or anything scary. Just cute. :)

Does it make you feel any better that I feel exactly like that and I'm not even pregnant? ;-)

Hang in there! It's totally worth it!
As for the pants thing i know what you mean...i wore my pants below my belly and that seemed to keep them from falling off.

C is for cookie and that's good enough for me. Welcome back btw.

Wait until the very end when she decides she is cramped up and starts stretching. You will be able to see the outline of her hands, elbow, feet and knees. My first was very long and kept her feet wedged just under my rib cage. When she flexed you could see my ribs push out and extend. It is like watching Alien in your own body.

For the rest of us without the ability to wear non-pregnant jeans in the middle of a pregnancy, the body starts to....well...shift. Things that were NOT lumpy before, they suddenly get the Lumps. Things that were nice and tight and flat before? Not so much.

THAT is why we all were green with envy before.

Duct tape for the pants. It fixes everything!

Don't look at your thighs. Think of it this way - you are close to the end. The lumpy fat feeling will go away especially since you were exercising before the baby came.

Your THIGHS?! What thighs?! You look awesome!

How much weight have you gained so far?

Your thighs can't be that huge if a month ago you were still wearing your regular jeans. By the way, are you still wearing your regular jeans?
if you are, I'm definitely boycotting your blog :)

Maybe *I'm* pregnant, too --- or maybe it was all that damn food I ate last night at a place called 'Stir Crazy' -- either way - I swear, I can see the outline of something in gut -- and it appears to me moving... I need a Tums...

i could have written your post.

it's so nice to have someone to commiserate with.

ha! and about 10 minutes before i read this, i just posted how i bought these amazing capris that i have to hold up!!

Welcome to motherhood. The good thing is in a couple more weeks you won't be able to see your thighs :) I think at about this time in my pregnancies I started wearing tents ... um, uh ... dresses. Yeah, dresses. I could never keep my pants up and shirts down. That inch and a half of belly that was so sexy before pregancy - not so hot anymore. You're still adorable !!

Live dangerously. Have 2 cookies.

When your belly button pops does that mean you're done? I want to go on vacation now after seeing your pictures.

you have to be the skinniest pregnant woman i have ever seen, so i'm not buying the fat nonsense.

My thighs are not being nice to me either.

Geez, it sounds like you are pregnant or something...

Just wait until the first time you see the outline of an actual foot in the skin of your belly. That's cool. It won't be so cool when she decides to jam that foot in between your ribs...but by the time they master that they're usually pretty close to womb eviction.

If you're worrying about what your thighs looks like...this is a good sign. It means that you aren't wondering how your stretch marks are going to disappear. (You probably don't have any of those, do you. Hmph.)

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So the Fish Said...

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