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Johnny clarification and Breasts! Yes, more breasts!

First of all, I want to go on the record as saying that in my dream, Johnny Depp was recently showered and groomed and wearing clean clothes. I do not go for the grungy thing at all. (Although if he had been grungy I could have made him take a shower, which has definite potential.) Second, my husband has publicly accused me of having luring dreams about Johnny Depp and that is flat out untrue. The total lack of luridness is the entire problem with my dream. I can't understand why I wasted all that time making the world safe for democracy with Johnny Depp when we could have been doing really important things, like smooching. The truth is that my lurid dreams tend to feature my husband rather than hunky celebrities. I know, I'm pitiful, but you can all shut up about it because I am not the least bit ashamed that I love my husband and think that he's a hotty. (Still though - would a little dreamland Johnny lovin' really do any harm?)

Anyway, I unfortunately still do not have any crazy or amusing boob stories to share with the internet. We went to the breastfeeding class last night, it was informative, we went home. The only slightly odd part was that the instructor had a stuffed breast on a string to use as a visual aid. I was wondering about the string, and then I started to think that maybe it was a stuffed breast yo-yo and I got all excited. Stuffed breast yo-yo! That rocks! You could learn how to walk the dog with a stuffed breast! Or make it sleep! I totally need to get one of those for the baby. Why give her a stuffed bear or cat or hippo when I can give her something she will really like - her very own breast! Sadly, it turned out that it was not in fact a stuffed breast yo-yo and rather just a plain old stuffed breast attached to a string for some inexplicable reason. Perhaps so you can walk down the street jauntily twirling it? Like a pocket watch?

I apologize for letting you all down with my lack of interesting breast stories. I will strive to do better in the future.

Comments (17)

Maybe it's so you can have a 'grope on a rope?'

Ha, Ben, that's not funny...I actually got a 'grope on a rope" as a gag Xmas gift! :)

Beth, although your hubby is indeed adorable (you both are...puke!) I also do not see anything wrong with a little smooch with Johnny. I was out this morning so I missed the whole dream post earlier. You know, you could have saved the world while making out I think! Multitasking is big these days! :) Dream on sister.

You are going to get so many visitors because you keep using the word breast. Isn't that going to get you in trouble? Speaking of which, many of the visitors to the PW blog come from your thanks!

I love the idea of a stuffed breast on a string. I really want it to be a cup holder, though, which is horrible.

I think it's so sweet that your lurid dreams are about Chris. Though a friend of mine recently said, "The man of your dreams is also the man of your nightmares."

Don't worry, you'll have lots of interesting breast stories when the baby is here.

I'm laughing over here because you managed to include both Johnny Depp and breasts in the same post, and it's not what it sounds like!

Breast on a string? Sounds rather like the inevitable stuffed penis pillow/shower gift. Which makes a great cat toy, although my Tim disagrees.

Oh, believe me, the stories are coming, whether you want them or not.

I love Johnny!! Oh yes, when he's cleaned up that is. I want a boob yo-yo too!!

just wait Beth...just wait until after you give birth and you're in the hospital and everyone in 20 mile radius has their hands down your shirt trying to stuff your boob into your beanette's mouth. Then..THEN you'll have interesting boob related blog fodder.

A stuffed breast on a string doesn't qualify as a crazy story? You people have really high standards! :)

Your baby would like the stuffed breast, until she found out it didn't give any milk. Then she'd be pissed. :-)

well, you know what you have to do, right? A dedicated blogger would CHANGE her breastfeeding class, hoping that the next one would be good fodder for the blog. Okay, a crazy person would do that. It's just a suggestion. :)

And really, saving democracy? Who does Johnny Depp think he is, Indiana Jones? Or some character in a Nicolas Cage movie?

We'll forgive you if you make one of your own breast yo-yo's. And post pictures.

Oh my God! There is actually a breast-shaped bottle you can buy! Check it out...

awww. how sweet is it that most of your naughty dreams feature your husband. mine usually feature my ex boyfriend. or brad pitt. and once, drew carey. my unconscious mind is a very scary place.

You are making me jealous dreaming and doing unknown stuff you won't disclose to "MY" pretend boyfriend! I say keep to your funny husband and leave my dream man alone! Johnny Depp is ALL mine! Giggle

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So the Fish Said...

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