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I'm not getting fired tomorrow, so you know, happy joy dance. However, some people will be getting fired tomorrow and I always feel guilty for being among the un-fired when there are firings afoot. Therefore, happy joy dance tempered by sympathy for my fellow man.

I have spent the last two days at work staring out my windows, which is not very interesting. However, my computer was very broken. After two days of helpdesk intervention it is still broken, but less so and therefore, hey, progress.

I said yesterday that I was ok with Chris meeting hookers; I did not mean to imply that I was ok with Chris utilizing said hookers for their traditional purpose. That I would be somewhat less ok with. I told Chris that when he met the hookers, he had to prominently display his wedding ring because hookers care about that, right? Hookers commonly turn down married men on moral grounds. Actually, wouldn't it be nice if hookers were the only ones who had no qualms about married men? Well, nice for the wives anyway. Sadly for all involved, the great hooker hunt ended with nary a hooker being found.

You know what's more freakish than being freakishly flexible? Being seven months pregnant and freakishly flexible. Yup, I'm still exceptionally bendy, only now I have to find something to do with my belly and when stretching my belly tends to hit the floor several minutes before my head.

We have a magnolia tree in our front yard, and I will never sell this house until we figure out how to take the tree with us when we move because I love it. Over the last couple days, it has gone from a very large and rather non-descript tree to the focal point of Magnolia Mania 2005. The tree is right outside the nursery window, and it may just be my hormone-influenced imagination but I think there is an especially high concentration of flowers around the nursery, like my tree is decorating for my baby.

Oh wow - I think I just made myself gag a little.

Now, does anybody have any advice on how to get up and pee in the middle of the night without actually waking up?

Comments (28)

If I had any wisdom on how to pee in the middle of the night without getting up I'd patent and bottle it and then share it with all the other pregnant ladies.

But if you find out first, please do let me know!

Catheter! LOL

Oh...nooooo!

When you get up, don't open your eyes, well not much anyways...then waft back to bed without opening your eyes much...will it work? Probably not :)

Catheter, but I do not recommend it.

Keep your eyes shut, it helps a lot!

So far I have been considering a bedpan, but actually am getting used to it in a strange way. Unbelievable....I am thinking Depends might not be such a bad idea

adult diaper???

*cringe*

I have no idea how to pee without waking up. I always have to get up to pee, and I'm not even pregnant. It sucks. Also, can we see a picture of the tree?

I know it has been suggested but seriously . . . D.E.P.E.N.D.S. I have often considered it for those all-day occasions like Mardi Gras, Kentucky Derby, etc. where the johnny lines are just WAY too crazy for chicks. I think it is the only way to go. Pun intended.

I get up to pee about 3 times a night... I drink way too much water before bed. I have found the solution to the waking up issue. Unfortunately you have to wake up some, but not completely. The trick is to keep your eyes closed. HAHA I hope you have the house memorized because it's the only thing that will work.

Yay for not getting fired :))

Just stay awake! Who needs something silly as sleep anyway?

Well, I just stopped flushing.

Pad, pad, pad. No light. Ahhhhh....pee. Wipe. Rinse hands quickly in the dark. Pad, pad, pad, back to bed. Sleep.

Repeat 4 times nightly.

No advice, but if you figure out that peeing without waking up thing? Please let me know.

Actually, write a book and then sell it. You could totally make millions. But maybe give me a little hint for free, because you love me and all?

Unfortunately, I don't know if that's actually possible without having to change the sheets. Sorry.

Ever read James Herriot's books? He claimed to be able to drive to a remote farm, deliver a calf, and drive home again without really waking up. Try channeling his spirit, maybe?

When BabyJuJu was in NICU for jaundice, they taped a little baggy to her "parts" to catch pee. All you need is a ziplock and some ouch-free tape! Viola!

LOL. Good thing you're not absolutely against your husband meeting hookers for the traditional purpose, your only "less okay" with the idea :)
By the way, you shouldn't move if not with the magnolia tree, I absolutely agree. I just picked a house just because it has 8 very tall cypresses in the garden :)

I am glad you clarified that hooker thing... and also glad you didn't get fired!

I love magnoloa trees!! you can always try a catheter heee!!!

i'm still trying to figure out the get up and pee without waking trick. i do try to make it without turning on the lights and opening my eyes. it doesn't stop me from waking up but the banging into walls and crashing into the bed means that i'm not the only one awake! misery loves company :) (although the man isn't terribly impressed)

No lights, no flush, no hand washing (I don't care what you think! I wash them extra when I get up in the morning!). Try to keep eyes closed, but just a slit will work. I have at least stopped remembering the precise number of times I get up each night.

Well, clearly the ONLY practical solution is to take up sleeping in the tub--then you can sleep away as it trickles down the drain. And I'm sure you'll be none the wiser and incredibly comfortable, not to mention the coolness of the tub may even help with any hormonal hot flashes you may find yourself afflicted with at this time.

that's easy, wear a diaper!!!!!!!!

ok, seriously, why is your husand looking for hookers, again??

Get one of those flat blue night lights. You can see to get to the bathroom and do your business but the light is dim and doesn't blast you awake like a blinding bright white light. You will get back to sleep fairly quickly. You'll find them beneficial at night too when you are breastfeeding. It helps get the baby used to night feeding and going back to sleep. You can never get a fully wake baby back to sleep quickly after feeding at 2am.

Can't help you with the pee thing. Maybe you could get a catheter (sp?) then you wouldn't have to get up anymore. I'd like to figure out how to breast feed at 4 a.m. without actually waking-up...that would be a cool trick.

Darnit! Remind me to read the other comments before I comment--I'm like the third person to suggest a catheter.

"Happy joy dance tempered by sympathy..." I love it! How humanidocious (tm Shallow Hal) of you.

They've got it - nightlights. I've got them all over the damn house so I can walk anywhere without actually turning on any lights.

Also, making sure you have an unobstructed path to the bathroom helps. ;)

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So the Fish Said...

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem, I whisper with my lips close to your ear.

- Walt Whitman

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I want to get a pet duck and keep it in the bathtub.
I am addicted to chap stick and altoids.
I am freakishly flexible.


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