so the fish said...
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Last week, I found myself in a rather unusual position. I can't say exactly what it was, but let's pretend that someone asked me if I would like to be kicked in the head. It was entirely up to me, but if I said no, a friend of mine would get kicked in the head instead. I had about 20 minutes to decide, and it was really a hard call. First of all, I had been half expecting to get kicked in the head eventually and I was ok with it, but I expected it to come later. I wasn't ready for it last week. But still, since I was already resigned to the head kicking and my friend wasn't, I wondered if taking it myself was the right thing to do. There was no good answer. It would be terrible for me to get kicked in the head, and it would be terrible for my friend as well. It would be very hard on my family and it would be very hard on her family.

In the end, I did what was right for me. I said that no, I did not want to be kicked in the head, knowing full well that by saving myself I was sacrificing my friend.

I feel bad about it, I do. But I feel terrible that I don't feel worse about it. I feel like I should be wracked with grief and remorse, but I am not. I am very sorry for my friend and I will do everything I can to help her recover from the head kicking, but I am not sorry about the choice I made. It was the right choice for me, for us, and sometimes I guess you just have to be selfish.

Comments (31)

You did the right thing. With Lima Bean on the way, you don't need to get kicked in the head right now.

I hate to take the "everyman for himself" but you have to think about your and your family. You shouldn't have been put in that scenario. If it was a "manager" call, then they should have made it themselves. The adminisphere sucks!


I feel very confident that your friend would completely understand and not be mad at you. Obviously, you being "with child" can not be kicked in the head.

Um. That's a hard one. There is always the question of what would your friend have done. Most likely she would have made the same decision had it been up to her. I doubt it will matter much in the long run. But I hate when that happens. Obviously, you should not be kicked in the head in your "condition" but they asked which I find really strange. Personally, I think it is wrong to ask anyone to be kicked in the head. But that's just me. Being a masochist, I would probably have taken the kick to the head myself, but I am also looking for ways to run away so that would definitely expedite the running away process. Speaking of, if I don't stop reading and commenting on blogs all day, I might be getting a kick in the head myself.

The baby thing makes brain-injuries a bad idea right now. It's just your motherly instincts kicking in...bravo!

Wow. That stinks. That is a VERY hard decision.

I'm just trying to find out if this is a metaphor for something larger?

Well, I think you made a wise decision. I mean.. maybe this person will ask your friend if they'd rather have their head kicked or somebody else's, and it's a total round of non - head - kicking until somebody is faithful to their friends. Who knows.. maybe a friend of *yours* would rather have your head kicked than hers.

Too bad they didn't kick you in the head anyway - you could have sued for big bucks b/c of the Lima Bean (isn't it considered discrimination if a company kicks a pregnant woman in the head?). I agree with what Jef said above - it should never have been put on you to make that call anyway.

Hang in there, you did what you needed to do for your family and, as someone else pointed out, your friend would probably have done the same thing.

Goes right along with the book I'm currently reading - The Virtue of Selfishness. You must look out for you and your family. You did the right thing.

You did the right thing. You have to put yourself first sometimes. And I agree with Jef - that should not be a decision you should have had to make. They just wanted to take the guilt off themselves.

If you ever watch Pretty Woman, there's a quote, "Take care of you" that my friends and I always reference. You need to be selfish sometimes and take care of yourself. :)

Agreed. And if I am getting the metaphor correctly, I have been involved in many of these things and while it is hard and no fun and feels awful, usually people move on to better things and are much happier in the end! The usually end up saying things like, " I am so glad I got kicked int he head...if I didn't I wouldn't have been able to find this or do this..." So think positive and I am sure all will sort itself out.

And you do have to take care of you!

Good choice. It's always better to look out for yourself first because no one else is going to. I'm sure if the decision was up to your friend, she'd have done the same thing. Don't worry about it too much.

Maybe they offered you the choice thinking that if you were thinking about kicking yourself in the head after Lima Bean is due, you could go ahead and kick yourself now.

I'm reeeeeeeeally stretching your analogy, aren't I?

But they shouldn't have done that -- it's awful to put someone in that position.

At this point, passing on a head-kicking isn't such a bad idea. Don't worry I'm sure that there will be other opportunities where you can step in for someone else's head-kick.

I think you're right. You have to take care of yourself.


No, seriously, you need to take care of yourself.

Well since I only "know" you and not your friend, I am so happy you did not opt for the head kicking. Maybe you should think that if your friend had the choice she would have put you up for a kick in the head, so you didn't do any less than her. I am sure you made the right choice...and am actually happy you don't feel much guilt, it's not good for the baby! :) Rock on...keep your head kickless!

Did they ask to kick you in the head b/c you might not be getting kicked in the head again after Lima Bean is born? Because that is the only scenario where I think it isn't totally asshole-ish that they asked you to make that call in.

I think you did the right thing. Don't feel bad. The jerks put you in a very bad place.

You made the right choice--and like others have said, it's not fair that they even put you in that position L--A--M--E

I don't think anyone blames you for not wanting to be kicked in the head. I can't understand why someone would ask you though? Don't the high and mighty head-kickers have any balls to make that decision themselves?

as much as we all rely on friends, you need to do what's best for you. take care of the number one. sacrifice the one for the many, or something. what are we talking about? oh yeh, you don't need a head kicking... you looked out for you and your family and there should be no guilt in that.

Ditto what everyone else said so well. Really don't worry about it! Things will turn out fine for everyone.

Why are they asking you if you want a kick in the head? Of course you don't want a kick in the head. What a stupid question. Why would they do that? Sounds like they need a kick in the backside, ifn ya ask me.
Don't feel bad. You did what felt right for you. Life goes on.

It's not selfish because you were making a decision not only for yourself, but for your family. I'm sure your friend would have done the same. Don't beat yourself up for not feeling bad enough, because you made the right choice for your family.

Don't feel bad, (well i know you don't), but there is no reason why you should. You love yourself more than you love this friend right? well, it just seems right to put yourself first. You did the right thing.

sometimes you just have to look out for you. and besides - giving you twenty minutes to decide something as life altering as a kick-in-the-head is hardly fair (nor is asking you to decide who takes the kick in the head either...)

Take care of you first. and the lima bean. oh yeah, and that cactus fellow too...then you can worry about the rest of the world.

I'm going to have to get back to you on this one...

You have to take care of yourself first a lot of the time, and with the babe on the way, you have to worry for her.

I'm sorry they even put you in that position.

no one wants to get kicked in the the long run we all have to look out for our OWN heads.

Yes you do. And it never feels good, but if it comes down to me and my family surviving, you know what I would choose. I feel for you for having had to make that choice.

My sociology professor would absolutely love this dilemma,... he would turn it into an example of why humans are more than just random creatures.

And you are a good friend because you stressed over this decision,... the dilemma was not of your own making.

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So the Fish Said...

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