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What? Like you never got distracted and totally ignored your blog for a while? At least I answered all my emails at 4 AM Saturday morning, and if that's not dedication I don't know what is. Have I mentioned that I am almost entirely unable to sleep? Have I also mentioned that I am almost entirely unable to eat? I don't even want to talk about what it takes for me to roll over in bed, but I can promise you that it isn't pretty. I will tell you, because I have no shame, that in the space of two hours last night I had to pee at least 6 times. It's magic living with me these days, truly it is.

Anyway, I had a busy week, considering I was on vacation and all. My house is painted, my carpets are cleaned, some of the baby clothes are washed and sorted and put away, and there are four big bags of clay sitting in my bushes waiting for my poor husband to haul them out to the corner. (Anybody wanna come help with that? They can't weigh more than a couple hundred pounds a piece.) My crappy old sliding doors have yet to be replaced by my beautiful new french doors and I have not heard a peep from the contractor in over a week, so I figure I will give him until tomorrow to call me and then I will break out the wrath of the pregnant lady who's nesting instincts are being trifled with and I'm sure that will get him right into line.

I had two experiences this week that made me think "holy cow, I have to blog this!" but as it turns out they were really only funny if you were there. The first was when I was in line at the ATM behind someone who, as far as I could tell, was trying to use the ATM to transfer funds to a numbered Swiss bank account. She just kept hitting buttons. There's nothing you can do with an ATM that requires hitting that many buttons. The second was the 20 minute lecture I got on the features and benefits of the automatic toll paying doohickey we have around here. I went to exchange my husband's non-functioning doohickey for a new doohickey, because I am an excellent wife, and the guy behind the counter was really, really into it.

See, not funny. Told you.

I also had two baby showers, and there is no longer any way to deny that the Bean has an absolutely embarrassing amount of stuff. I am seriously ashamed of myself. The shame is nicely tempered, however, but how freaking cute everything is. The shower yesterday netted our stroller and car seat and having them sitting in the living room last night finally made me realize something. I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to have a baby and have to bring it home and take care of it and she's going to cry and spit up and have trouble with Algebra and date scummy boys and break her collar bone playing field hockey and I am in no way prepared for any of it and I am scared out of my ever-loving mind and don't know how I can possibly stand to wait another 5 weeks to see her.

All pregnant girls are bipolar, right?

Comments (33)

Yes. Yes they are. Hugs for you.

Absolutely they are. And it sorta intensifies as you get closer. But? There's a LIGHT at the end of the TUNNEL. (heh.)

I imagine that it's dreadfully overwhelming and exciting all at the same time! But this 'no room for food' thing sounds really unfair. I thought that was whole point of pregnancy, besides the whole baby thing.

First thing you need to do right now is put the baby seat in the car. Because you will totally forget about it and then the baby will come and you will be sitting in the hospital with the baby and poor Chris will have to drive all the way home to get the baby seat because you forgot it.

Second, buy (receive as gift?) a second car seat because after the 137th time you have to move the car seat to the other car, you are going to want to kill someone. And it will be poor Chris's fault again.

i think i was stuck behind the same lady on Saturday. was you lady a short, brunette with a hairdo that closely resembled a football helmet because if so, it totally was the same person!

she finally gave up and stepped away from the machine but she didn't leave the bank vestibule. she stuck around until i was gone and then got back onto the machine. lady, get a clue! it ain't happening. she probably would have had better luck getting money by robbing a 7-11 i think.

yep, they are. just wait til after the Bean comes... that emotional rollercoaster is at least a 2 e-ticket ride.

as someone who never ever ever wanted children, i was amazed at how quickly the maternal instincts kicked in for me. so never fear, thousands of years of unconscious memories will take over and you'll be an award winning Mom.

Yes all preggos are bipolar. I won't tell you the last few weeks are the hardest--you already know that :-) I'll keep my fingers crossed that you have her a little bit early, instead of a little bit late ;-)

We definatly are.

OMG, you are soooo cute! Yes, no sleep is totally normal. My theory: It's mother natures way of preparing you for what is coming. Sleep when you can and get lots of practice.

Maybe not field hockey. How about lacrosse? A little less body contact.

If it helps at all-- I played both lacrosse and field hockey and never broke a collar bone. I saved that for when I was working on a friend's movie-- so, just to be safe, keep the Bean away from film school.

Since you're scared about having the baby, what do you say you give her to me. I want one, but would totally LOVE skipping the whole pregnancy thing. ; )

Just remember that you need to sleep as much as possible or you'll go nuts after you bring her home. As if you haven't heard THAT a million times already.

This really has nothing to do with your post- I just wanted to share that I, too, have always wanted to have a pet duck and keep her in the bathtub

Yes all pregnant ladies are bipolar and quite often they stay that way as mommies, but it will be okay. Because you will also have a baby girl who will smile at you and only stop crying when her mommy holds her like only mommy knows how and smells like only mommy knows how and then she will be giggling when you tickle her and blow raspberries on her belly and of course the little pony tails that you will pull her hair into with ribbons will be the most adorable thing in the whole wide world.

Isn't it wonderful? Soon you will have a baby in your arms and in the stroller and car seat instead of inside your belly. It will be alot more comfortable then. Not to mention incredibly rewarding.

Regardless of your lack of sleep and non-replaced sliding doors, your posts make me smile and I can't wait to hear your stories once the Bean arrives. :-) I have no pg or child rearing advice though so I'll just stop now.


Good gosh, all that stuff doesn't happen in one day! Lord! Usually the biggest thing they do is poop and eat. Work up to that other stuff.


I certainly hope schizophrenia is a pregnancy symptom. If not, I'm screwed.

Haha, I think those weeks will be gone before you roll over in bed again :)

What's a doohickey?

When do we get to take bets on your due date? *ducks*

When my boss was pregnant her Dr. told her there was a sleeping pill OTC she could take, I'm thinking it was sominex. Check with your Dr. (if you're not horribly opposed to taking them).

Also my doctor highly recommends sleeping in a recliner to be comfy. I know that conflicts with the whole "don't sleep on your back" thing, but I've had several other people tell me the chairs are worth their weight in gold when pregnant. As an added bonus, you can use the side arm mechanism to "launch" yourself out of the chair. :)

bi-polar. that's a good description. It's amazing how many thoughts go through your mind while you're waiting.

Well, you don't have long to wait.


Bipolar? Us? Yes! No! I hate you! Hug me!

As we were driving back from a lake in upstate NY yesterday, I was laughing, outloud, singing a nasty little song to all the suckas waiting in line to pay cash as I sailed thru the tolls with my EZPass doohickey thingy. Suckas! I LOVE my doohickey!! :)

Seriously, this rolling over like a turtle thing sucks tho.

Congrats on all the new stuff.

Nesting much? As far as all the stuff you got. Enjoy it because there will be some small something that you didn't get but will find that you need. Besides, the Bean deserves a good start.

Babies are lucky they're so cute, otherwise it would be hard to justify why they're worth all the suffering. :) Soon Beth soon, and then you'll be so ready.

Even if we're not bipolar...we can't let the men know we're not!

Those last few weeks are the hardest! All the prep work is done, now comes the waiting. Everyday you will wake up and think "Is today the day?" and if you are as slightly impatient as I am it will drive you NUTSO.

So nice to hear from you, Beth! The bipolar thing totally makes sense, and it's adorable how you and Chris are both worrying, but don't let it overwhelm ya too much. You're gonna be really good at this :)

was the ATM lady all like the typey-typey girl on meet the parents? cause that makes me laugh EVERY time.

Not long to go

Yes, even the ones that have done it twice before, ask me how I know...

i can't sleep or eat either...suckypants...

I, for one, think the 20 minute lecture on how the toll thingy works sounds fascinating ;)

I don't know about being bi-polar, but when I imagine being pregnant, I think excited, yet terrified is probably how I will feel.

wow, up to pee 6 times?! that's it, i am never getting prego, lol! right now i get up 0 times in the night, i can't even imagine, geesh!

Noticed your first comment was from one of my favorite people... Believe her, she knows what she's talking about. I don't think she will mind me telling you that while pregnant, she watched "The Notebook". That in itself, proves nothing. The fact that she did not shed a tear watching aforementioned film is, however, proof of her bi-polarity.

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So the Fish Said...

Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem, I whisper with my lips close to your ear.

- Walt Whitman

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I want to get a pet duck and keep it in the bathtub.
I am addicted to chap stick and altoids.
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