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A whole new world

Amelia Bedelia and I went to the mall this morning, because I have barely left the house in the last five and a half weeks and it is starting to drive me a little infuckingsane. I intended to look at ridiculously expensive purses, which is what I have mostly decided on for the "hooray, you gestated and birthed an entire human being" gift that I am buying myself. (I am buying the "hooray, you gestated and birthed an entire human being" gift for myself for the simple reason that nobody else did. My campaign for new diamond earings was not successful.) (I guess somebody decided that a girl with four pairs of diamond earings does not really need another pair.) (God, I'm a spoiled little bitch.)

It finally hit me in the mall. I am a mother. You know what did it? The escalator. The escalator is no longer an option for me, I am an elevator girl all the way. I will likely not be on time anywhere I go for at least the next year. I can no longer leave the house without a carseat, stroller, diapers, wipes, changes of clothes, hat, sweater, burp cloth and blanket. I will frequently appear in public with spit up on my shirt because I either could not manage to change or did not have anything clean to change into. My new perfume is eau de sour milk. I will only shop for lovely, expensive purses if they start carrying them in Baby Gap and Gymboree.

My life for the forseeable future bears little resemblance to my life of 6 weeks ago. I was a little shocked by how little it bothered me.

Mia slept through the night last night, and this morning she laughed when I blew a raspberry on her belly. She is my gift.

Comments (36)

I will likely not be on time anywhere I go for at least the next year.


He he he! That's a good one!

Tell another!

So you mean those perfect strangers who threw you longing glances and told you "your life will never be the same" were right?
Just wait till you catch yourself, chasing Mia down a grocery store aisle, saying the same to some expectant couple.

Oh god, sweets...welcome to our club. Congrats on the full night of sleep! (Mia's, not yours, as I am sure you were not sleeping, but waiting for her to rouse)

And what a sweet little gift she is.

I remember the moment it hit me, too. I was at a restaurant, and my son's father was walking around with him. I sat, by myself, for several minutes, enjoying the first quiet I'd heard in a long time. And suddenly, a baby started to cry. I didn't really notice, it stayed somewhere in the back of my head for a while. After, oh say 5 minutes, I had a thought. "Someone should pick that damn baby up and make it stop crying."

That's when it hit me. That was my baby. I had to pick it up.

It's a funny feeling, isn't it?

my son is almost two and i can still relate. i hate to be late for anything, but i've come to accept that it's fashionable even if my stained clothes and bag containing extra diapers and wipes and sippy cup are not.

Hi "Mom". I hope you had a good time shopping. And congratulations on that slept through the night statement. I've always thought that things got a lot easier to manage when you get a full night's sleep.

Have a wonderful evening.

I'll never forget when John finally got on his reflux medicine. After 7 weeks of screaming, he slept through the night. That morning, he laid there smiling and cooing up at me. It was the best feeling in the world. I'm so happy for you guys!

I have memorized where every elevator is in my local mall and in Grand Central! Now I understand why moms are always prepared, we HAVE to be! You must post pics of the purse.

Holy cow!! Slept through the night already?!? Congrats, girl! That is so great... I hope it keeps up. :)

*runs off to the mall to run up & down the escalators*

That last paragraph almost made me say "awww!" out loud. I would have, but I'm in the library.

I am so happy for you! And Mia! She gets a great Mommy.

I have to agree with ben. What the hell do you mean "year"? Are you gonna ship her away somewhere or something? Try about 3 years, sugar-pants. Eventually your diaper bag will be filled with toys instead of diapers, and coloring books instead of rags, and crayons and stickers instead of the change of clothes for yourself. The rest will probably still be in there. And that doesn't even begin to describe the stroller, adorned with many varieties of snacks that were only half-eaten.

But so worth it, huh? I am totally OK, with giving up my expensive stuff to see the smile, hear the laughter! I am glad you are enjoying it.

P.S. You totally deserve a gift because you birthed a humen - I made my hubby get one for me! At first he was all like, huh? And then, then he got on board. :)

You'll get better at the outings. I remember feeling really overwhelmed at first, then it got easier. By the time baby #2 rolled around I was out the door in 2 seconds and never thought about it!

She laughed out loud? Wow! Did you cry? I did when my firstborn laughed the first time.

Damn it now I'm crying. F-ing hormones. Really though, that was so lovely.

That was simply beautiful, Beth. I, too, must be a tad hormonal because I cried when I read that last line.

awww. so glad to hear she finally slept through the night! i bet you hope that trend continues. :)

Ultimately, I ditched the diaper bag for a Kate Spade messenger bag. Works just as well and is more my style.

I catch myself riding in elevators at the mall, even when I'm alone. I forget that I can take the escalator!

So, did you stop by Paws n Claws so Mia could build a stuffed animal?

After 3 kids, I am no longer able to go on escalators, even when I don't have the kids with me. I seem to have lost the knack, and teeter indecisively around at the bottom or top of them, just like I did as a small child. Pathetic, I know.

May I recommend for your expensive purse buying needs? I recently purchased one and it arrived yesterday!

And you should definitely think of the kate spade diaper bag, too.

And post reflux, you can sling her over your shoulder...just like a new bag. :)

Give me your secrets.... I have a little one a week younger than Mia... and she REFUSES to sleep through the night... as a matter of fact, she refuses to sleep through a full hour of the night!
By the way... Love.Your.Stories.

oh my god, i will never take escalator riding for granted again!

also, i used to love the amelia bedelia books as a child. that was the first thing i thought of when you announced mia's name. heehee!!

oh, and yes, i totally agree. you already have the best gift in the world. (but go get yourself a bag anyway!)

For many years I thought I was getting about like a normal person, I even got real clever and taught my baby how to drink her bottle while I drove the car (multi tasking). Only now does my brother tell me my car always smelled like off milk, from all the times she dropped and squirted (champagne bottle style) the milk around the car while I busy driving..I still have much to learn...(By the way that little bottle squirter turns 15 this week...can you imagine).

FOUR pairs of diamonds? Egads woman! WHOOT some special man loves you! AND welcome to being a mommy...a good nights sleep for a baby, a raspberry on the belly AND a smile! My gawd life is so sweet! Who cares if you smell like sour milk! You are a card carrying member of the NEVER the same club! Late...get over have a real life now! : ) AND it goes by way too fast! Hugs

Congats on the full night's sleep! At her age that's nothing short of amazing!

I was never a handbag person but after I had my daughter, I became crazy about Diaper Bags. Would have bought a new one ever two weeks if I thought I'd get away with it!

Being a Mam rules. And it's just going to get better!

buy yourself the gift.
for each of my four chirrens, I bought myself a nice piece of jewelry.
Not only do I have my-gawd your a great birthing machine-gift, but later on I plan to pass that piece of jewelry on to 1)my daughter and 2) my daughters in law.
It's not a "me"'s a legacy, a family heirloom. You don't need a need platinum.

Welcome welcome...leave your shoes at the door, put your feet up, and relish in the fact that now ,as a mom, everyone and noone can relate :)

I have a couple of other gift-to-self ideas. If you like her birthstone, you could buy yourself a ring with her stone on it. My husband gave me a mother's bracelet from Elisa Ilana ( If you read InStyle magazine, you've seen their ads. Their sterling silver items a great.

Hi, I'm new to your blog so first I'll say: glad to have found you.

Next: for the next year eh. Yes that was funny. I have an 8 yr old a 2 yr old and a 4month old. i'm still trying to be on time, with clean clothes and escalator? i use to remember those. Personally, i'd still be on the diamond earing campain.

just so lovely

you have a way with words, i really love reading you...a gift indeed!

you could ask for one of those mothers necklaces, or get a pretty chain and hang mia's birthstone on it!

btw, i am sure you loverly with spit up on your clothes, no one will notice cuz they will be looking at your adorable baby!

or maybe get a v. expensive tote bag and carry the bebe in it.

I second (or eighth) the recommendation to get something with the birthstone if you like it. N. bought me a great bracelet with Bean's birthstone... it will be a nice thing to hand down one day (for the mother of his children...).

Oh and I am with you... a girl can never have too many diamonds. : )

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So the Fish Said...

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