Yeah, I know everybody does the letter to the kid thing. Ask me if I care. This is the only way I will write this stuff down, so I don't care if I am copying half the internet by doing it.
You are one month old today, and changing so fast it makes my head spin. For the first couple of weeks, you were pretty easy. You slept all the time. I woke you up every two hours to change and feed you and then you went back to sleep. Those days are over. For the last week, you have been crazy glued to my boobs. In fact, as I type this you are asleep on my lap with your left hand holding tightly to my breast to be sure I don't try to take it away. For the last week, you have spent a lot of time eating and a lot of time yelling. Yesterday you cried your first actual tears and I think my heart exploded into a million pieces. You hate the pacifier, but we keep trying and once in a while it makes you happy for a few minutes and my sore boobs get a break.
We went to the doctor last Thursday, because I cleverly allowed you to fall on your face, and you weighed 9 pounds and 5 ounces. You are starting to get those wonderful chubby baby rolls. First it was your thighs and knees, then your arms, and now you have dimples on your elbows and chubby cheeks and even chubby little fingers on your perfectly bite-sized hands. You like it when I blow raspberries on your round little belly and you wiggle all over when I do it.
You are very strong. You could turn your head from side to side on your stomach the day we brought you home from the hospital and could also roll from your back to your side - always your left side, never the right. When we put you on your stomach, your push your legs back and forth like you are crawling, and if your arms would cooperate I think you could do it. If you could figure out how to get one arm under your body, I think you could also roll over onto your back. You love to kick your legs and fling your arms around, and best of luck to anyone who gets in your way because you pack a wallop. We swaddle you to sleep so you don't wake yourself up hitting yourself in the face, and the first thing you do when I unwrap you is throw your arms over your head and stretch.
You like to sleep on my chest, or especially on your father's chest. You hate to be put down. You do sleep in your bassinet at night, but only if I hit the vibrate button at least four times and reach in to rub your head several times an hour.
You make all sorts of noises - little coos and hums and snorts and lately you yell just for fun. Last night you smiled and made a sound like you were laughing. You are smiling more and more, watching more and more, and sometimes even acting like you recognize me. When you are eating, you make little humming noises and it sounds like you are singing to yourself.
Last night you slept 5 straight hours. When I woke up at 4 and realized you had been asleep since 11 I was thrilled since that was by far the longest stretch of sleep I have had in a month, but also a little sad because this time is moving so quickly. You already look so big to me compared to the day I met you, and you are a slightly different person every day. I marvel at every change and look forward to every new thing, but it makes me really see how quickly your baby-ness will pass.
I am learning from you. I am learning how to sit still, how to do nothing, how to spend two hours smelling your head instead of worrying about the dishes or the laundry or a job. I am very bad at sitting still, but you are very good at it. I am learning to be at least a bit more patient, at least a bit more flexible, to just go with the pace of life and not get upset if that doesn't match my plans or my schedule. Learning to be your mother is very, very hard, but I hope in the end we will both be the better for it.