You want to sell me something? All you have to do is print "Reduces the risk of SIDS" on the packaging in a nice soothing, authoritative font and I will buy it. It isn't even a conscious thing, I see that phrase and whatever it is jumps into my cart. Sleep positioner to prevent a child who is incapable of turning herself over from turning herself over? Yes please. Special swaddling blanket? I have three. Separate monitor to go under the crib mattess and sound an alarm if there is no movement for five seconds? Ok, my mom bought that one, but I'm the one who hooked it up. However, since there is no chance that Mia will actually sleep in her crib anytime soon it isn't getting much use.
What I want to know is, how long does it take before I can stop checking to make sure she is breathing every 20 minutes? Last night, after about the 40th time I sat up in bed to cram my head into her bassinet and listen for breathing I figured out the one thing I don't have that I really need. An old-timey ear trumpet. If I had one of those, I could at least keep my head on the pillow. Then I had the phase "old-timey ear trumpet" running around my head for the rest of the night, during which I did not sleep because my usually fabulous sleeper just was not in the mood last night.
Anyway, I have a question. Mia is nine and a half weeks old, and in the last nine and a half weeks I have prepared dinner precisely one time. If Chris weren't cooking we would be surviving entirely on food that could be delivered with no preparation required. Now, I know it must be possible to have a child and still fix actual food, but what I want to know is, how in the hell do you do that?
And finally, isn't she lovely in purple?