The last several days have been truly amazing. Mia, it seems, has finally arrived. All of a sudden, she's awake. Oh boy, is she awake. She looks at me and seems to notice that I am somewhat different than the section of wall she had just been staring at. She watches her mobile turn and coos and wiggles with glee. She smacks her hands out at her favorite toys and makes contact fairly often. She can keep the pacifier in her mouth all on her own for upwards of 30 seconds at a time. She wants to play and kick and yell and gurgle (and scream and cry, oh my) and she definitely does not want to nap because there is too much else to do.
So she's a lot more fun now that she's, you know, interactive, but she's also a lot harder. Instead of only ever wanting to eat or have her diaper changed or sleep, now she has a whole new set of things to want and I have not caught up to figuring out what they are. This leads to days like yesterday when I dumped her on Chris the second he walked in the door and then hid upstairs for two hours because I just couldn't take it anymore.
Hiding from my child made me feel pretty bad, like I wasn't up to this or wasn't trying hard enough, but then I realized two things. First, sometimes I will have to get the hell away from my baby. This doesn't make me a bad mother or a bad person, it makes me sane. Second, even when she screams all day and refuses to eat and refuses to sleep and spits up 12 times and poops all over two outfits and her crib and the changing table, even on those days I am so, so blessed.