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Tell me I'm pretty, too

You know what I hate? When people write posts that say "oh, I'm so awful" just so that people will say "no you aren't you are fabulous and thin." But that is exactly what I am about to do. You are welcome to skip the following sad sack, poor me, miserable whining and just skip straight to my comments and tell me I am wonderful, and you are also welcome to skip this post entirely and come back tomorrow when I will tell you about how Chris and I went out! To dinner! Without the baby! (Don't worry, Mia was well cared for by my parents during the 90 minutes we managed to stay away. We didn't just leave her in the Pack and Play to fend for herself.)

Anyway, on with the whining. Yesterday, Mia was cranky. Then she refused to nap. Then she refused to go to bed for the night. By the time I finally got her to sleep at 10:30 she had been pretty much awake for 12 hours and was generating what I am confident was the crankiest cranky the world has ever seen. During most of the 12 hours the child refused to sleep it was the Mommy Show. I held her, I walked, I danced, I bounced, I sang, I made faces, I blew raspberries, etc., and so forth, and on and on. She, more often than not, screamed. Also, she spit up a lot so I also changed both our clothes at least five times. By the end of the day, I was worn out.

Ok, to be honest, I was worn out well before the end of the day. Actually, I was over it. The low point came when I put Mia in her crib to watch her mobile for a while. Mia loves her mobile. Ordinarily, I think she would be perfectly happy if I wound that thing up for her eight hours a day, but yesterday I knew that at best it would be a few minutes of diversion before she started screaming again. I found myself sitting on the floor next to her crib crying because I just didn't want to have to pick her up again. She did scream, of course, and I picked her up, of course, and resumed my usual bouncing, dancing path around the upstairs, but at that moment all I wanted was to have 30 minutes - or even 5 - where I didn't have to be the mommy.

I feel like I should be able to handle this. I'm not working, the cleaning lady does most of the housework, the groceries are delivered, I don't even cook dinner. All I have to do is feed, clean, dress and entertain an infant. And do eight loads of laundry a day. Optionally, I try to eat both breakfast and lunch and get the dishes into the dishwasher before Chris gets home from work. That's it. I should be able to do that. Yesterday, I couldn't do it. Or at least, I couldn't do it well.

I know there will be days like that, I do. But in the middle of a day like that, it is hard to remember that it is just one of those days.

Comments (43)

I know the feeling all too well, it is a bad one. I'm so sorry, I wish I could make it better. You are doing everything just fine, this happens to everyone, it DOES get better, maybe even today.

you are fabulous and also very pretty and also a very competent mommy.

...there. now don't you feel better? ;)

seriously, you are doing a really good job from what i can tell just on this blog thing and no different than lots of moms do but in secret for some reason. so i hope you got to dress up and be a non-mommy for the night in the most fun way, and then also where is another picture of mia's mohawk? hmmm?

You are wonderful.
Seriously, I am anticipating motherhood to be one of the most overwhelming experiences of my life. And there's no shame in being tired from it. And -of- it, some days.
Just do me a favor and tell me something similar in two months time.

Beth, you are so very pretty. And thin! And also normal.

Every one of my friends who is a mom has felt exactly the way you did -- more than once too. Hell, my friend Laila has a nanny to help her part of the time and a cleaning lady and she still gets overwhelmed feeling sometimes.

I hope you and Chris had a lovely grownup dinner out.

I'm not a mother but I bet everything you are going through is normal. Taking care of an infant is a lot of work even if you don't do the cleaning or whatever, infants need constant care. Give yourself a break you're still a new mother. You'll adjust I"m sure.

don't worry Beth. you are fabulous and wonderful and fabulously wonderful! i'm sure every mom has felt those same exact feelings.

oh Beth...it really was just one of those days...and they do go away...and they will get better and better-er.
You ARE a fabulous Mommy. And recognizing when you need a break makes you even more fabulous.
I am SOOO impressed that you changed your pit up upon clothing! Me? I wallowed in it.
So you've got a leg up! Clean clothes! YAY YOU!

RAH RAH RAH! You can do it! GO BETH GO!!

Hang in there! It DOES get better!!

By the time they are 17, they just sleep all day long. Sleep and sleep and sleep. Just like you wanted them to do when they were babies. ;)

oh boy, have i been there. it sucks, to say the least. but, it gets better, i promise.

does she like the car? i find with Isabella that usually if she's cranky, if i take her for a ride in the car or a walk in the stroller, she usually calms down.

yikes...at least it is a new day...that bad one is all over. i hope today went better!!!

You might have seen this before, but it sounds like you need it.

http://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~geoffo/humour/flattery.html

Chalk it up to new motherhood, heck old motherhood. I still have days like that--sometimes I have them more often than not. I also feel the same way, that I should be doing this better as it's my only job. But you know what, it's a damn hard job and some days it just kicks your ass.

Someone yelled at you for what, 12 hours, and you're feeling guilty about being upset? (who that someone is completely irrelevant) You must be kidding, or the greatest mother of all time.

You're doing fine. You're pretty. I love your shoes. OK, I've never seen your shoes, but I bet they're lovely.

And guess what? It's ok to set your watch for 10 minutes, put some headphones on, blare some very loud music, and let her cry. It's totally ok.

I remember those days. It gets better. I think if you survive the first 3 months, someone should give you a medal!

You are doing a awesome job
With my last baby there were nights I would just throw his pacifier as far as I could, and cry, hold him, and cry some more.. Bruce was/is a high maintence child. We went last winter of two months of him not sleeping more than a couple hours. I thought I would die. Hang in there. It gets better really it does.

I hid in my closet [crying] one morning to get away from the scre@ming. You're definitely not alone.

Spoken like a true mommy. I love you for posting this. Honestly, sometimes I feel like an alien because I feel so overwhelmed at times and when no one seems to be going through the same thing...well, I feel like a horrible mom. Now I know you're a good mom, so don't sweat it. I'm going through it too, and I'm sure plenty of moms are. Good luck!

you are beautiful, fun, witty, and totally normal. being a mommy is a tough job. but it gets easier, then harder, then easier again and then kinda hard with some easy spots and then... well, you get the picture. it's a learning and growing time for both of you. i didn't shower regularly until Cam was about a year old. i didn't get any time to myself until he was... well, i'm still kinda waiting for that!

eat standing up, shower sitting down and learn lots of showtunes... that's what helped me get through the first few months. *hugs*

During those moments just take a deep breath... and file the memory away to blackmail her with when she's sixteen.

sorry. but wasn't it a sunday yesterday? aren't you missing an important fact? wasn't your husband around to share the load and help with mia? i have three kids, no parents, no in-laws and no outside help. yesterday would have been tough but i can assure you it gets much tougher. good luck.

If you feel bad, just call my grandmother. She will tell you you are being completely normal and rational and sane. And she might send you homemade cookies to make you feel better.

Poor Beth! Hardest profession in America is being a GREAT mom.

Cleaning lady! Can I borrow her LOL. Okay, a few things, first off, think the words "post-partum depression"...happens to all of us. Sucks, too. We all think we're worthless then. Secondly, you're an amazing mother. You see these stories about parents who just neglect their children. What proves that you're a great mother is that even though you didn't want to get up and pick her up again, YOU DID. All great mothers care more about their children then we do our own sanity. I know, I have 2!

Beth,
Thank you for being honest in this post. The truth is that I FEAR those days and I do not have children, and am not even pregnant. But when I think about having children, that trapped feeling you describe is one that I fear greatly - if the baby is inconsolable and I want to run away, or if I'm too selfish and don't want to be involved in the child's activities after school, or heck, even doing what it takes to GET A KID to school...you're brave for being honest and even though I have those fears, hearing that you - someone beautiful, smart, with a loving husband has experienced it, makes it already 'normal' and not something to dread so much - thank you!

"All I have to do" Listen toots, that's like saying, "All I have to do is juggle these flaming torches all day while I ride this unicycle."

Oh Beth,

I have been there. I still have days like that when all you want is 10 minutes for a hot shower. 10 minutes when you can just sit and be you and not be the soul provider. You're doing fine, just fine. Not to worry. This too shall pass...

There are days when all the advice in the world won't help. Be strong, and accept the help. Ask for help. Sometimes it's the hardest thing to do... there is a reason it takes a village.

N.

I have had those days so I know where you are coming from. Things do get better.

Beth -- sadly this happens every so often with a reflux kid. It's part of the territory. But in a few short months, you can do cereal and it will keep things weighted down. Speaking of weight, you are skinny, lovely and a good mom. And speaking of weight again, has Mia grown alot? Maybe her medicine dosage needs to be adjusted. Last but not least, don't forget Beth time -- maybe time for an afternoon of shopping all to yourself? Good luck!

You are fabulous, pretty, and so very very thin, and you are a wonderful mommy! She's not on her way to Idaho, is she?

go to www.worldvision.org to see how good you have it.

As a mom I can surely tell you three things: yes, you are pretty, thin AND doing a great job. Sometimes babies just have those days where they give us the blues. I have had at least one day like that with each of my kids. I guess they like to keep us on our toes. And at Mia's age you aren't suppose to have any clean dishes, any clean clothes, food cooked or sanity. Hey you've got a leg up on some of us by having the cleaning lady a few days a week. Hang in there, we've all been there.

God, dealing with a cranky baby sounds like hell even WITH all that help. You totally deserved a good cry.

Sounds like both of you had a tough day. It's so hard sometimes since they can't always communicate exactly what is wrong. You try EVERYTHING and nothing seems to help for long. And there needs are so very intense during this first year.

Do you think she could be starting to teeth? I'm not sure exactly how old she is, but some babies do start pretty early.

That first year, before they can communicate well, was a time that I was always so glad I was nursing though. (Heck...I still have days like that and my youngest is 2.5 years old! Nursing is still a cure for so many things!) Offering to nurse could almost always fix anything that was wrong and I was truely greatful I had that tool in my kit! :)

There are days when I don't even bother changing out of my spituppy clothes because I know there is more coming.

Rest assured, Mia will grow out of this phase. Hang in there, the Mommy Show is the toughest routine in the world.

Honey you are beautiful inside and out! You are good enough just the way you are! You have everything you need inside of you!

Babies can manage to undermine your confidence...you can feel inadequate...you are not! YOU are warrior woman with child! : )

It is a very hard job. It is a never ending job. And some times it is hard to just get dressed and do the dance of life. You just have to remember you are warrior woman with child! : )

Seriously...be impressed you are doing the dance of life...even though it feels like it will last forever, it goes by very fast... and I am impressed that you know enough to take very good stock of what you do have. It could be a whole other story...

Hum...count your blessings...you have a very supportive and in love husband, you have help! YOU HAVE HELP! Oh my. It is ok that you can't seem to do the simplest things on some days that is WHY YOU HAVE HELP! Grin...leave the guilt behind and enjoy...yes even the wailing...when you have an empty nest you will understand! : )

You know, I have a 2 year old and a 3 year old and just the other day they were a mess, the house was a mess and I had laundry to do and hadn't even taken anything out for dinner and I just sat down and had a good old-fashioned bawl fest for about 10 minutes. I felt SO much better afterwards (we are not gonna say whether or not I ever actually got the house clean;)) Motherhood by its very nature is at times completely overwhelming and there are days where you feel like the worst mother on earth and you wonder what you were thinking when you thought you could do this...and then your little one will smile at you, or kiss you on your face, or just look at you like you hung the moon and the stars...and that alone makes it worthwhile. Here's to better days for ya!

Hand in there, Beth. You are doing just fine. Its alot of work but the goal is keep the baby fed and healthy until she's old enough to mow the lawn.

And you know darn well I think you are pretty, even when you cry.

Oh, my dear, you are not simply pretty! You are gorgeous! You are divine!

And yes, to most of the things everyone else has said. You are a great mom, and oh my, these bad days, they happen, and it sucks. I'm so glad you and Chris were brave, and had supper alone! That's a big thing, and you guys did it.

Be patient with yourself. And know that there's a lot of us out here, rooting for you.

Some days are hard, some days are harder and some days are wonderfully easy. The worst night we had with our baby was the night our dog also decided to diarrhea all over THE WALL of the living room. It was 3 AM, the dog was messing all over, the baby was on his third hour of shrieking and I thought I would never make it. This is a true case for if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger.

Hang in there!! :)

It gets better, I promise.

I remember days that I was so worn out that I'd sit down and cry for no reason (other than being dead on my feet & feeling ugly, unloved, dumpy and unappreciated, that is). Not only will you feel pretty again, you'll feel like one sexy hot mama again. Hang in there, get as much rest as you can, and reward yourself often.

Can someone take the baby for a while? Get a trim or a manicure. Maybe you should go buy that bag?

You have the hardest job in the world - don't forget compensation.

hey, some days you get the dishes done, and some days you don't.

i hope it doesn't sound harsh, but if the baby is crying no matter what you do, it is ok to set her down in a safe place like her crib and step outside for 5 or 10 minutes. it's not neglect, it's mommy survival mode and sometimes it's necessary.

you are doing a great job.

i can't say i know where you're coming from, but i'm pretty sure that what you are feeling is normal. and it's going to happen. and sometimes we all feel like we can't handle whatever "it" is being thrown at us. but you are great and you have a great man by your side and you just do what you have to do to get through the day with as much sanity as possible. :) we're here. vent all you want. it won't be the last time! :)

Oh my! Sierra and I have had too many of those days to count. I've learned the 5 S's of sleep - and I've added a P to it:

Suck
Swaddle
Sway
Ssssh
Sidelying
Patience

I try to nurse Sierra to sleep (sidelying & suck), while holding her close (swaddle)and rocking in the lazy boy (sway) and using her Ocean Wonders Aquarium set on the ocean sound (Ssssh) for about 20 min (Patience). Sometimes she is no longer thirsty and gets mad at the boob for giving her milk that she doesn't want - so then I give her a soother while still holding her in that side-lying position. It works like a charm - even when I miss her tired signs and bring her to bed when she's over-tired. I know - iot's a bad habit to rock her to sleep - but whatever - sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do!

So I'm not going to say anything that anyone else hasn't already said but here goes:

It's okay. You're perfectly normal and the fact that it took you this long to break down and have this feeling is a testament to how strong and resiliant you are.

You're allowed to feel this way sometimes. I love my kids but there are times when I put them down and walk away because I am tired. Period. I even snuck away from them in the grocery store a week ago because I couldn't handle the tantrums and whining for ONE MORE SECOND!!(they were with their biological mother. I didn't leave them alone. heh)

Again, no guilt. It serves no purpose when you aren't doing anything wrong.

And I was just at Chris's site and was looking at his pictures of Mia. THAT is a well loved, well fed, well taken care of baby. You are doing a great job!

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So the Fish Said...

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