You know what I hate? When people write posts that say "oh, I'm so awful" just so that people will say "no you aren't you are fabulous and thin." But that is exactly what I am about to do. You are welcome to skip the following sad sack, poor me, miserable whining and just skip straight to my comments and tell me I am wonderful, and you are also welcome to skip this post entirely and come back tomorrow when I will tell you about how Chris and I went out! To dinner! Without the baby! (Don't worry, Mia was well cared for by my parents during the 90 minutes we managed to stay away. We didn't just leave her in the Pack and Play to fend for herself.)
Anyway, on with the whining. Yesterday, Mia was cranky. Then she refused to nap. Then she refused to go to bed for the night. By the time I finally got her to sleep at 10:30 she had been pretty much awake for 12 hours and was generating what I am confident was the crankiest cranky the world has ever seen. During most of the 12 hours the child refused to sleep it was the Mommy Show. I held her, I walked, I danced, I bounced, I sang, I made faces, I blew raspberries, etc., and so forth, and on and on. She, more often than not, screamed. Also, she spit up a lot so I also changed both our clothes at least five times. By the end of the day, I was worn out.
Ok, to be honest, I was worn out well before the end of the day. Actually, I was over it. The low point came when I put Mia in her crib to watch her mobile for a while. Mia loves her mobile. Ordinarily, I think she would be perfectly happy if I wound that thing up for her eight hours a day, but yesterday I knew that at best it would be a few minutes of diversion before she started screaming again. I found myself sitting on the floor next to her crib crying because I just didn't want to have to pick her up again. She did scream, of course, and I picked her up, of course, and resumed my usual bouncing, dancing path around the upstairs, but at that moment all I wanted was to have 30 minutes - or even 5 - where I didn't have to be the mommy.
I feel like I should be able to handle this. I'm not working, the cleaning lady does most of the housework, the groceries are delivered, I don't even cook dinner. All I have to do is feed, clean, dress and entertain an infant. And do eight loads of laundry a day. Optionally, I try to eat both breakfast and lunch and get the dishes into the dishwasher before Chris gets home from work. That's it. I should be able to do that. Yesterday, I couldn't do it. Or at least, I couldn't do it well.
I know there will be days like that, I do. But in the middle of a day like that, it is hard to remember that it is just one of those days.