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Three months

Mia Bean,

You are three months old today, and I think it makes sense to start by talking about the things you have stopped doing rather than the things you have started doing. You have stopped crying. Not entirely, of course, but you have stopped having the crying jags where we would have to walk you around for hours bouncing and singing and trying anything we could think of to comfort you. Now when you cry it is only for a few minutes and always because you are either tired or hungry or just want your mommy. You almost always stop immediately when I pick you up or rescue you from whatever non-mommy person I have dared to allow to hold you. You have, for the most part, stopped screaming when your father holds you. I can still comfort you faster than he can, but he can usually calm you down pretty quickly. The exception to this non-crying thing was last week when I cruelly left you with your grandmothers for 20 minutes while I tried to get a few chores done. You screamed the entire time like they were taking turns sticking you with pins. We are going to start working on getting you more comfortable with other people, but I have to admit it doesn't hurt my feelings a bit that you love your mama.

The other thing you have stopped doing is sleeping through the night. I was so proud and cocky and am paying for my arrogance. You prefer now to sleep in two hour stretches and then get up to eat. We aren't sure why this is happening, but I suspect it is because you are very close to learning how to suck your thumb and you wake yourself up because you want very badly to get your thumb into your mouth but you just can't do it yet. You hate the pacifier we tried to give you, and when I give it to you you look at me like I just poured dirt into your mouth.

You still hate to be on your tummy and I have to trick you by putting you on your tummy on my tummy. From there, you like to lift your head to look at me and chew on my boobs and especially like to roll off my tummy and land on the bed on your back. (I hold you very carefully when we do this.) You like me to turn you upside down and lift you over my head like you are flying. Your father keeps warning me that one of these days you are going to spit up in my face and you and I have made an agreement that you will only do it when he is at work and we will never tell.

You are a very happy baby, provided you are well fed and rested. The first thing you do every morning is throw your arms over your head to stretch and then give me a huge, wet smile. You are smiling spontaneously now, not just when we smile at you. (You will also stick your tongue out at us. I taught you that, and I am so proud.) I love your smiles, the way your whole face lights up and you look so totally delighted. When you smile it is like it completes something in me that I didn't even know was missing.

You love to lie on your back and kick and wiggle. Your father does a one man band routine with your rattles when you are cranky and it always makes you smile and squirm. You are starting to grab things - your clothes, your blankets, my hair, which you are very good at pulling. You like it when I run the tips of my hair across your face and also when I put a piece over your lip to see what you would look like with a moustache. You love to take baths, but hate to get out. I keep thinking you are about three seconds away from discovering your hands, but so far they are still just things that occasionally wander into your mouth or yank on your bib or your diaper.

You are starting to like your swing and your bouncy seat, but not as much as you like the ceiling fan in our bedroom. I am often able to eat dinner without nursing you at the same time, and am sometimes even able to eat with you sitting next to me rather than in my lap or over my shoulder.

Today, you napped in your crib for the very first time. You outgrew your bassinet but we were not ready to move you into your own room, so we just got you a bigger bassinet for our room. You slept in your crib only so we could move our bedroom furniture around to get your bed into a better place. I had a hard time getting you to sleep in your crib, because you kept just peeking your eyes open, spotting Eeyore, and waking up to gaze at him with love and admiration.

I haven't told anyone this and I didn't plan to, but I decided to tell you now because I think it is important. I had been worried that I wasn't bonding with you the way I should be. I loved you and would do anything I could to care for and protect you, but for quite a while I didn't have that feeling that everyone said I would, that huge, intense, overwhelming thing that everyone described to me. I have it now. Mia, I love you more than my own life. We were meant to be, we three.

Love,
Mom

Comments (30)

that was beautifl!!!

How beautiful. You are very luck:)

"We were meant to be, we three"

I love that. That was a tear-jerker!

Beth, The letters you write to Mia are just beautiful. She's very lucky!

Beth,

I think that it takes time to learn to love the real baby. I, too, felt a little less than enthusiastic when my own daughter, now 7, was born. But it comes. And when it does, it is shocking in the intensity of feeling. Motherhood, for me, was a love that was born of the disassembling of my former self. It just took a little while. Now, I would beat down an entire gang of school secretaries to get to my child. And I have.

I can't say I understand it, but I thank you for sharing all these feelings and Mia's beginning with us. I'm so happy she gets you to watch over her.

i love reading these, when i have kids i am just gonna give them random copies of this and say i wrote it.(kidding)
lol, my kids will know full well that i can't write like this...their mommy will be a dumbell, lol...which is MOI!!!

Such a beautiful letter.

The waking thing may be hunger caused by an imminent growth spurt. See if you can feed her more/longer before bedtime. In any case, when the growth spurt is over, she'll go back to sleeping for longer periods. Until the next growth spurt.

So glad I was able to 'meet' the two of you via Sam's virtual shower...otherwise I would have missed out on reading this incredible letter. I was misty by the end. Beautiful.

What a lovely "birthday" letter to Mia.

Amazing. I felt the same way but never voiced it, never told anyone. It was around the same time (3 months) that I was knocked over with the unbelievable, deep and abiding love that everyone said I would have right from the start. Thanks for sharing those feelings.

I too have just found that special "love" with Maddie. It is better than anything in the world, is it not? It gets even better, even stronger. You will not be disappointed.

I just wanted to tell you that I too had worried about that overwhelming love everyone boasts about. I think most are lying. I believe you have to grow to love your baby as you would any other human. Of course we automatically love them but it takes a while to become IN love with them. I am right there with you and you touched my heart with that. It takes time but we all get there and its only up hill from here. You think you love her now wait til next month. I love Gwyn more every month and she is 20 months in a few days and somedays I wonder if my heart will explode. Its wonderful huh?

I love these letters. :) Happy three months Mia!

As for not sleeping through the night, it's possible that she's going through a growth spurt- she will definitely grow out of it and will beback to sleeping through. Hang in there!

(It takes a little while to get the "bond." It's hard to bond to someone who doesn't necessarily notice you're there!!! I'm so happy you feel it now)

Awwww, you are such a good Mom! It is just going to get more and more fun. Hug her, hug her, hug her, because next thing you know she will be eight and smarter than you!

You know, what struck me the most about this was, of course, the last paragraph. And I had to stop and think about when I had that overwhelming feeling-- did it happen immediately? Or later? And can I even remember now?

I cannot remember now. I know that it happened at different rates for each child too. And so I feel a wee bit responsible for maybe you feeling inadequate for not having feelings you thought you were supposed to be having.

I think it's very individual, from mother to mother, child to child.

Beth,

The love you and Chris have for Mia is obvious.

But, THANK YOU for being so brave for your last paragraph.

Along with deciding to become a parent, there are natural fears and selfishness that one thinks about - at least I do.

It's VERY helpful to know that things don't have to click right away - if that were the case, and they didn't with me, I would feel tortured - you can't give them back, lol - thank you for your honesty.

Beautifully written.

Three months? Already? Congratulations, Mia!

Awww. I'm all verklempt.

it's a now-win situation this mommy loving thing that babies do. it's an amazing feeling that he or she loves you more than anyone else, but it kind of sucks when you can't always hand the child over because you know that one second in your arms and all the crying will be over.

i'm in the process of training isabella to like her daddy more too :)

I've just finished reading from July forward, and wanted to say thanks for writing about motherhood in all it's messy glory. My wee one is five weeks old and I could have written word for word parts of your letter to one-month old Mia.

See...that bonding thing? The work with a baby is so intense that sometimes the 'bonding' is buried deep down in there. It sometimes takes a while to get there and we really should share that with new moms so they don't worry.

I felt like the baysitter before I felt like the mommy with my firstborn too. I think it's more normal than we all think.
Happy third month to you all!

Three months already?? You're an excellent mommy! If you just love her (as you do), you'll do most things right. ;)

i can hardly believe it's already been three months! wow. you all are growing so quickly.

that feeling, down real deep of love and awe never ever goes away. if anything it grows stronger, i look at Cam at 3 1/2 and just get blown away by the love i feel for him.

That is great. I remember the boob chewing. My little man is 3. The time flies. I started reading your hubby's blog a month or two before you guys found out you were pregnant. I can't believe how fast that time has flown. It has been well over a year. Wow.

You are sooo funny. And very cool too!

And I hope you like being a SAHM. I am one. And really, its a pretty good gig. It does take some sacrafice because that money isn't there. But there have been a million instances where I'm so happy I do stay at home. Its not for everyone but I think it was the best thing for us.

Take care,

And to add, you are an excellent mommy. Mia is very lucky to have you. And she is so beautiful. Awww... SHe's giving me baby fever. And yes, there are many days I'd like to "sell" my child on E-bay still. heehee. I can so relate.

Awww... I was doing so well and then you GOT me right at the end there. Little tear swiping. So sweet!

Beth,

I am leaving this comment nearly 6 years after you wrote this entry, which is very late to the party indeed, but I felt I had to chime in with the others who said that your last paragraph resonated profoundly. My son is now three months old (which is why I'm currently reading these archives!) and that feeling you spoke of has also just clicked for me. I worried so much that I was missing something fundamental about being a mom since so many people gush about how they instantly felt a love they never could have imagined upon seeing their newborn child, and I just didn't. I of course loved him and was devoted to taking care of him, but it wasn't until those first smiles and coos and signs of personality developed that I felt the fierce and unbreakable motherly bond. Your chronicles of this time are so beautiful, and I'm sure it gets better and better. So thank you, six years later!

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So the Fish Said...

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