Mia is a rather prolific spitter, thanks to reflux and the overabundant milk supply available from my ta-tas. (By the way, do you think that when I finish breastfeeding I will get to keep the breasts? I never cared about not having them, but it is nice to not have to trade entirely on my smokin' ass.) I use cloth diapers as burp rags (but never as diapers, yes you may curse me for my careless creation of more trash for our landfills but I will just plug my ears and chant "I can't hear you" in a sing-songy voice) and I have a collection of about 40, which sometimes allows me to go an entire day without doing laundry. The burp rags are scattered about the house, but invariably there is never one around when I need one. I tried always having one slung over my shoulder, but it falls off or gets used and abandoned in the kitchen sink and I end up trying to catch a milk geyser in my cupped hand to prevent it from splatting onto the couch. (Have I mentioned the glamour?)
A couple of weeks ago, I hit upon A Clever Idea! I tucked a clean burp rag into the back waistband of my (pre-pregnancy, ha!) jeans as an emergency back-up. The theory was that I would always have an extra at the ready if need be. I promptly forgot it was there and took Mia on a thrilling trip to the bank and Target. Hours later, I remembered my Clever Idea, only to discover that my emergency back-up burp rag was missing. I wondered briefly how long I had wandered around Target before it fell out and hoped that I had at least given my fellow discount superstore patrons a good chuckle.
Knowing me as I do, I was not all that suprised that the real solution to the mystery of the missing burp rag was worse. You see, I found the burp rag later that afternoon, I had not lost it in Target after all. I had, however, made a pit stop before running my errands and had cleverly dropped the burp rag straight into the toilet.
I guess I'm just glad I didn't flood the house, because fishing the pee-soaked diaper out of the toilet bowl which is increasingly filthy thanks to my cleaning lady's stubborn refusal to work for free and Mia's stubborn refusal to ever nap ever and my searing hatred for cleaning bathrooms (why can't men pee in the bowl? how hard can it be?) was quite enough motherhood glory for one day. Although I must admit that back when I had my fancy job with my fancy private office and was almost never covered in vomit, I had to fish my ID badge out of the toilet after it fell off my waistband. Um, more than once. And also my pager. Apparently splashing around in toilets is some sort of hobby for me. Possibly I need to get out more.
Comments (24)
fished my own pager outta toilet more than once, spank you so much.
you're not alone.
we're here, laughing at you, but we're here.
Posted by speckledpup | November 19, 2005 12:05 PM
I have wrecked two different cel phones by dropping them in the toilet, and whenever I wear an in-ear-monitor I have to be very conscious to detach the receiver pack before I lose the pants!!
Posted by Heather | November 19, 2005 12:21 PM
I am thoroughly afraid of such things and feeling bad for you on the toilet issues.
As for the eco-friendly crap? Trust me, the amount of bleach used to clean cloth diapers for poop reasons poisons our earth quite too much for there really to be that much of an arguement. And I went to Diaper College, lady.
Posted by alektra | November 19, 2005 12:36 PM
Yeah, one of my friends dropped her pager in the toilet and flushed the sucker. That takes some 'splain to do to the boss.
Cloth diapers work THE BEST for burp rags. I had about 15 with Baby #1, and I think that I had 3 left by the time I got to Baby #4. Most excellent.
Posted by angela marie | November 19, 2005 12:58 PM
Hey, I can pee in the bowl. I just choose not to. Where is the fun in target practice if you stand too close to the target?
Posted by Jeff A | November 19, 2005 4:02 PM
LOL - Girl, with a family now, you'll be fishing around in the toilet almost daily!
Posted by Marie | November 19, 2005 4:09 PM
Just wait until Mia discovers the joy of dropping things in a pee-filled toilet. That's when the fun really begins!
Posted by lucy | November 19, 2005 4:26 PM
Dropped my entire purse into the toilet at a prenatal check-up...I think I posted about that one. Dropped cell phone into a cup of coffee...I'll just stop here. You are not alone.
Posted by JuJuBee | November 19, 2005 6:00 PM
Sadly, the answer is no-- you won't get to keep the boobs. They'll probably be smaller than ever once you quit nursing, so be happy about your smokin' ass!
Posted by Anne Glamore | November 19, 2005 8:26 PM
i'm not sure which is worse...fishing in the toilet bowl or walking around in public with it hanging from your pants. :)
Posted by tiffanie | November 19, 2005 8:53 PM
On my first day at a new job, I dropped the bathroom key, that the entire office used, into the toilet. I was already worried about them thinking that I'm an idiot, and this didn't help any. Luckily, it was attached to a plastic clip rather than something more absorbant, so I gave it a good rinse, put it back in its place and held it in until I got home from then on.
Posted by Tali | November 19, 2005 11:39 PM
And after Mia is done with the burp rags, save them. They make great rags for dusting the house or waxing the car. Unless that darn housekeeper comes back and works for free again. :)
Posted by Jon in Michigan | November 20, 2005 9:42 AM
Well, I don't drop them into the toilet, but I have managed to kill two electronic devices (laptop, digital camera) with liquids (water, NyQuil) in a four-month period.
Posted by jen | November 20, 2005 12:52 PM
LOL Thanks for making my day. I thought I was the only one who did stuff like this.
Posted by Maribeth | November 20, 2005 3:13 PM
I remember using those when my kids were young.
Funny story thanks for sharing.
Posted by DayByDay4-2Day | November 20, 2005 4:53 PM
That's something I would do... Or probably did. Can't remember much about my child's infanthood. He didn't sleep much and did too much screaming and I don't think I'll catch up on all of the sleep I missed until he's 35 and long out of our house. :-)
Posted by Lisa B | November 21, 2005 1:40 AM
Nothing says exciting like splashing around in the toilet. While toilet training my kids, I lost a few pairs of sunglasses in the public toilets. Blech! Motherhood is so glamorous.
Posted by Nicole | November 21, 2005 6:29 AM
My boobs stayed. Granted, they were large to begin with but...
I am so there with you about the dropping stuff into the toilet. I now keep cell and pager in my purse and ID on a dork-cord around my neck.
And my solution to the missing-the-toilet problem was asking my husband to clean the bathroom. He agreed, 'cause he hates having cleaning professionals in the house.
Posted by liz | November 21, 2005 10:05 AM
Hee hee!!! I'm sure your toilets are sparkling clean.
I'll be hoping for your ta-tas to stay, because I too don't want to experience life with big boobs and then go back to life without them.
Posted by halloweenlover | November 21, 2005 10:23 AM
As for the splatting breastmilk, reflux, and spit-up routing--I have so been there. Each and every one. At the time I thought it would never end (even the loss of memory). It does, but the loss of memory/forgetfulness, is here to stay.
Dropping things in the toilet. I can say I've done the badge, cellphones, PDAs, pagers... and a mirad of things I won't admit. But listen to Lucy, it only gets better when Mia finds the toilet and all its possibilities (besides the potty training). Will bring many more adventures. I promise! :-)
Posted by Bethany | November 21, 2005 11:43 AM
Wow... burping cloths eh? I had a dream about them last night... where we didn't have anything for the baby, and the main thing I was worried about having was burping cloths. Sounds like they ARE important afterall!!
Posted by Corinne | November 22, 2005 9:03 AM
Thank you, that is one thing I have not had to do yet! Now that I think about, I can't believe my 2 yr old hasn't put something in there I have to get it, but appeartly, anything she has put in there, goes all the way down because I have never seen it.
Ha, you just made my day. :)
Posted by Emily | November 22, 2005 7:45 PM
Just wanted to add my two cents about post-breastfeeding ta-tas. Mine were never very large to begin with, so I was pretty excited at the change that baby-making brought to my life. Sadly, after two kids, my husband's and my nicknames for them have changed. What once were respectible cups, decreased to sippy cups, and now we're on permanent "binkie" status.
Ah, thank goodness for padded bras!
Posted by Meg | November 22, 2005 8:12 PM
Yep! You are not alone!
I have dropped EVERYTHING important in the toilet! And then your children walk and start to PLAY in the toilet! And flush things in the toilet when you have important days and holidays and plummers are REALLY expensive! And little boys leaving the seat up so when mom goes in the middle of the night you have it, FALL right INTO the toilet! Why don't we have heated toilet water?Grin...all about the toilet! Shaking my head in rememberance!
Posted by Gypsy | November 24, 2005 12:42 PM