so the fish said...
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Second verse, same as the first

I'm not thinking about getting pregnant again, but I am thinking about thinking about it. Before Mia was born, I thought I would want to wait several years to have another baby, but now that she is here I'm leaning more towards doing it sooner. So I was wondering, what's the "ideal" age difference for siblings?

My brother is three years younger than I am but was four years behind me in school. We fought like crazy until I moved out of the house, but I don't know how much that has to do with our age difference and how much it has to do with being very different people (although the older we get, the more alike we are). Chris is an only child so has no experience to rely on here.

This may very well be a moot question since it took us a year to get pregnant with Mia, but I thought I'd ask anyway since you are all so smart. What do you think, internets? If we have a second baby, what's the best time to do it?

Shoulda mentioned that I would like the second child to be born before I am 35 and I will be 31 in *gasp* 13 days.

Comments (79)

That's a tough one. It's really an individual decision. I purposly had my two less than 2 years apart, to get it over with. The first 6 months of 2 sucked, but after that it was great. They are friends, they are both in school, and they'll be gone around the same time to college. I am really glad I timed it that way.

And then I had a whoops 7 years later. And with this one I can relax and enjoy it, because the other two are older and fairly independant.

There is something to be said for both ways.

I'd do it within the next couple of weeks, definitely. That way you'll have TWO in diapers, teething, braces, learning to drive, first date, etc. at the same time. Think about the convenience! You'll only have to whip out the checkbook once, or explain birds and bees together.

Also if you have twins next time, it'll be double the fun, especially when they all get the flu at the same time.

Don't have too big of an age gap. My sisters are 10 and 7 years younger than me. I think their age gap of three years is good. That way the first one gets to be a baby and a toddler before there is another baby.

(btw, I'm trying to be funny and/or sarcastic with my above comment. We had two for almost two years that were seven months apart and they were the best of friends, it really was nice)

My younger brother and I are the same as you and your brother-3 years apart and 4 years apart in school. My older brothers are 16 and 14 years older. I strongly suggest, not to do that. I've always wished that my brother and I were closer in age, even though we do have many of the same friends.

Aim for the between 2-3 years mark.

Let me put it this way: I always figured we'd adopt again, but now that Molly is completely diaper and Pull-Up free, well... it's sort of like being let out of prison. Why would you voluntarily go back in?

You know, RockstarMommy just had her second and I think her first is two... ask her!

speaking as a younger sibling, I can say that my sister and I being 5 1/2 years apart kept us from ever really bonding in the friends aspect of siblinghood. Not that we didn't get along but that that connection of friends was not there until I was in my 20's and her in her 30's. So if I had to choose for my own children, I'd say keep it under 5 1/2 years difference.

i see you're getting a lot of concrete answers, but - alas - i don't have one. personally, i would have a child (or a second or a third child) when i felt ready and/or able to do it. i wouldn't gauge the timing by their ages (that's just me though).

but, if you must have an answer, wait for a five-year age difference so you're not paying for their high school at the same time and not paying for their college at the same time.

My sister and I were 2 years apart. Was miserable, although that might be the very different people thing too. We hated each other. Even now, we don't talk except for a phone call here and there every 2-3 years.

Of course, I like it that way, actually. We are STILL very different people.

I have three children. My oldest two are 18 months apart and they get along great . The youngest is 5 younger then the oldest and 3 1/2 from the middle and they both hate him. I was an only child so I can only go by what I see. I would think closer is better.

all 6 of my children have 2 yrs each between them. That seems to be perfect.

I'm an only child too but I am considering having two myself. My hubby and his sis are 7 years apart so they both felt like only children most of the time. I think 10 years is too much but 11 months is toooooo little.
A cousin gave me some advice after she had twins when her first child was 5 yrs old: "Have your second kid when the first one is old enough to help you out with it!"

my older brother and i are 3.5 years apart. the troubles we had can't be attributed to the age difference i don't think. we're just different people. my sister and i are 9 years apart and due to extenuating circumstances i actually raised her so the relationship she and i shared wasn't a typical sibling one. though as we get older i find that we're moving towards that. though i think i'll always be ready to fire off the "stop that! you're behaving badly" evil eye. some things you just can't shut off so easily.

oh. hmm. i got so wrapped up in me that i didn't answer your question. my bad. i've always thought 2 years (or less) was the magic number.

My sister is about two years younger, three years behind in school. It worked for us; although we fought a lot, we're very close now (at 26 and 24). We experienced everything together (unlike my brother's situation, he's 8 years younger than me) and have a common memory bank and outlook on life. There was always someone to play with as a kid, and that three year school gap was perfect. She never moved in on my territory and I never had a chance to terrorize her.

There are 20 months between my 1st 2 and between my last 2. 25 months between the middle two. So 5 1/2 years between the oldest and youngest.

It's like I have 2 sets. Each set is best of friends. They have other friends at school but no matter what they are really close. The only 2 that don't get along well are #1 & #3. They are just over 3 1/2 years apart.

My brother and I are the same as you and your brother. we got along pretty well except for my high school years... rough going there.

Still, you must do what's right for you. I love the way it is now although it was tough when they were really little.

Enough chat from me!

My two are almost exactly three years apart - my daughters birthday is 12 days after her brothers.

Either try for closer together or I'd say start trying when Mia is three, because having a new-born and a crazy-jealous three year old? Stress at every turn.

my brother and i are 2 1/2 years apart and STILL fight like crazy. my earliest memory is of my dad carrying me out of my mom's hospital room when my brother was born, and apparently i was quite the little brat after he was born.

A coworker had her two kids one right after the other -- I think there's about 18 months between them. They are still babies, but the older one adores his little sister. They say it's like he doesn't remember life without her. At first he was not happy about daddy holding the baby and threw some tantrums, but now they kiss each other all the time and it's so sweet i want to cry.

So, while part of me thinks it's nuts to have two small kids at the same time, in the long run it might be better for them -- and for your sanity.

I was friends with two sisters in college. They were 3 years apart. ( Freshman/Junior) It seemed like the perfect combination.

mine are 16 months apart and they fight over everything, toys, attention, anything... For me, if I had it to do again I would wait until my oldest was 3. Around 3 they start to get a concious, still do crazy stuff but are a little more predictable. Also, good chance the oldest one is potty trained so that makes it easier.

My brother and I are 25 months apart and I feel this is a perfect time frame. We were close enough in age to bond really well and ended up being really close, and at the same time my parents had some quality time with me first. So 2 years would be my suggestion. I feel if its too far of a gap the interests would be far apart due to age and the children wouldn't necessarily be as close....

So here's my warning:

Because it was so hard for my SIL and BIL to have their first, they didn't really worry about "stuff" after he was born. 9 months later, she was pregnant, accidentally, because the second time is a MILLION times easier. They wanted another kid, just not so soon. At the same time, the second nephew? Is a doll. And if they had waited, who knows if he would have been nearly as patient and sweet and self-entertained. His brother likes to have all the attention, and fortunately, the baby's ok with that.

I have an almost 9 year old a 2 year old and a 6 month old. i actually wanted a 3 year gap as the terriable two's wouldn't interfere with anyone's "life". sometimes i find 2 in diapers a little difficult but i think it's great to have them grow up together. i only work part time so i don't have to deal with day care so i won't actually go back to work until they are all in school so i think it works best that they are spaced together. i love having my 9 year old around. he's a helped when needed yet has his own independent life. so i guess what i'm trying to say is that it depends on your "life goals" do you plan to go back to work, if so you might want them together so you don't have to start work then stop and such. if you don't want 2 in diapers then space them 3 years or more. i think everyone will agree it's all about what you "want" to achieve.

i just wanted to add that my sister and i are 7 years apart and we still don't get along. she often tells me her life was perfect until i came along. needless to say she's in her 30's and she's still pissed. so i'm putting my vote in for keeping them together in age. they never remember not having the other around.

and to add to someone else's comment it took me 2 years to conceive my now 2 year old and not even 15 months later without even trying we were pregnant with #3. just a thought.

i, obviously, can't make any decisions for you, but here's how i feel about me and my brothers:

all 3 of us kids were born 4 years apart. my first brother (Jon) was born 3 months before i turned 5. i started kingergarten that fall. my second brother (Josh) was born 1 month after Jon turned 5. Jon started kindergarten that fall. i always thought it was pretty smart the way my mom staggered it; one kid (or two) was off at school during the day so she could deal with the newborn without distraction. now, talking about my relationships with my bros... they've definitely changed a lot. Jon and i played together a lot when we were little. we also fought a lot. then Josh was born. i was 8 at the time and thought i was "grown up" and helped mom a lot with Josh. today, i'm a lot closer to Josh then I am Jon. yes, there is 8 years difference between us, but he's told me how he has always looked up to me (being the 'big sister') and he calls me a lot for advice and stuff. i do have to say that it would have been nice to have a sibling closer to my age, though. but that's because we don't have any extented family in the area, and we didn't live in the city, so my friends were spread out; some times playing with my brothers (4 and 8 years younger) got to be a bit much. but, all in all, i think it was good.

ok, i'm a dumbass. i turned 4 when Jon was born. and Jon was 4 when Josh was born. don't mind me. :)

My brother and I are about 2 years apart, and I think that's just about ideal. They're close enough in age where they can be friends and have friends in common, but 2 years is far enough apart where once they start school, they won't HAVE to have the same friends if they don't want to. I think if you wait much more than 3-4 years, it's too far.

(The odd thing was, though, that most of my friends had younger siblings in my brother's class... who were friends with my brother.)

I really like the five year difference between my children...LittleJuJu can be such a big help to me with the baby and doesn't feel jealous at all like a younger child might. It is nice too that he has just started kindergarten and I can spend the day concentrating on the baby. The only downfall is that it seems like he just got so independent and we finally got a break, only to start all over again with the baby.

Here's a total copout:

I think that whether or not you're close to your siblings has a lot more to do with temperment and interests than age differences.

I know siblings who are very close in age who never speak to each other. Then there's my husband who talks to his sister all the time even though she lives on another continent. They're 3 years apart. My brother and I (10 years apart) are very close, but I only talk to my sister every couple months (7 years apart).

Really, I think it's all about when you're willing to give your body back over the pregnancy and breastfeeding and sleeplessness again.

Tough one. We choose 2 years apart. Right now they are almost 1 and almost 3 years. They play together all the time and totally entertain each other. My almost 3 year old is SO much easier now that she has a little sister to play with.

It sort of worked out in my family that the kids who have been born 18 to 24 months apart all grew up to be best friends. They had shared experiences, friends, etc.
My own sister and I are 5 1/2 years apart and she was always like an Aunt or something to me. My current husband had two kids with his ex, 14 years apart. They detest each other.

My family:
Me, 21, nearly 22. Older sister, she's 24. We get along fairly well now (small doses) but didn't growing up. I also have two younger sisters, 5 and 6 years younger than I. They're 14 months apart, and vascilate completely between being best friends and screaming at each other, but they're really close. I get along best with the "baby", who's 16 now. We all have very different personalities, and I think that's a lot to do with it, anyway, I think kinda under 2.5 years or more than 5. For what it's worth. ;)

My sister and I are two years apart, and although we used to fight like cats and dogs, I think it was an ideal separation for my parents and for us. I'm still working on trying to talk my boyfriend/fiance into having our first one (I'm almost 32!) but he's not having it at least for now.

You never know about how long it will take you to conceive this time...it took us 1.5 years and 3 IUIs to have my son, now 2.5 yrs, while it only took 2 months off the pill to get my daughter, now 6 months old! They are 2 years and 11 days apart (I had the exact same due day with them). So far, it's been a good decision to have them close together. It was a bit crazy at first, but my son is much more independant now and he adores his baby sister.

Do what feels right for your family.

My brother and I are 14 years apart and I feel more like a parental unit to him than a sibling. Definitely don't wait THAT long. :) Ha!

Anyway, once we have a baby, we plan on letting nature take over and just go for it. Like you said, it took us a year to get here in the first place and the possiblity of it taking that long (or longer) again scares us. It may happen a lot sooner, but we're prepared for that.

My brother and I are a year and four days apart. We got along well as kids but when we got into high school, it was not so fun. My senior year was a real PITA because we were sharing a car. So not fun.

My brother is 5 years older than i and boy are we different... He is almost 30 now and I still cannot stand talking to him... I think that 2 - 3 year old difference sounds better... but i'm not sure... I also think that it depends on a gender... my friend's two daughters are about 18 months apart - and they don't seem to get along very well... i don't know - it's a matter of personality... not sure how much influence parents have over that.

I like them close together. I wanted my daughter and son to be no more than 3 years apart, they are 2 1/2 years apart. Now I wish I had them even closer together, although their age difference has worked out well for me because my daughter is much more self reliant than she would have been, say a year ago and I would have had much more to deal with. I saw 2-3 years apart is perfect. Just me though, thinking out loud, since you asked and all.

I say, not I saw. Having another baby has really screwed with my typing skills.

I haven't read all the comments, so I may be repeating advice, but I really think family dynamic (and individual personalities) has more to do with how well kids get along than age difference. My girls are four years apart and are incredibly close. Much closer than my sister and I were (and we were only two years apart).

That said, I'd say try for sooner rather than later. I mean, wait for when you are ready, but fertility does decrease as you get older. We're dealing with secondary infertility now and I wish we had just jumped in and tried for our third sooner.

It's an incredibly personal decision, so in the end, just trust your own judgment.

I agree that this is a really personal descision for you two, but I can offer my opinion since you asked. My husband is an only child so he'd like our children to be about 2 years apart. (I only want one child so this should be an interesting debate in the next coming months). I am ten years older than my closest sibling and I don't recommend that :-) What about 3 years? That seems like a good time. You can start trying next year -- that way if it takes a year your second baby will be about 3 years younger...
This was a long comment to say 3 years.

My brother and I are five years apart (he is older). We fought like cats and dogs until he spent a summer away at some smarty-pants academy thing when he was 16. We've had our squabbles but are pretty much best friends now. I know some people think a shorter amount of time is better and some people think a longer amount of time is better. I think it really just depends on the parents. I guess. I have no idea. I don't have kids of my own. I should stop dispensing parental advice ;)

Well - I have a brother that's 2 years younger and a sister that is 12 years younger.
Me and little bro never got along until we were both out of the house.
Sis is 14 and I still don't get her (by the time she turned 4 I was out of the house at bording school)
from what I can tell:
Of all my cousins it seemed that the ones that were about 3-5 years apart got along the best growing up - any closer and there was definatly a sibling rivlery - any farther apart and they are on completely different wave lengths.
It really is a personal thing - there are going to be bumps no matter what you choose
this is just my 2 cents

i think all these comments show that there is no perfect age gap. i have three younger siblings,the youngest one is 7 years younger than i am and i get along with all of them well but in different ways. my most intense relationship is with my sister who is 17 months younger than me. we basically hated each other growing up (we were stuck together a lot, small school and only 1 grade apart and we are also completely different people), but i wouldnt trade her for the world. she knows me like no other person does. my cousin just had her second and her older one is 3 years old. it seems to be working great: nr. 1 is potty trained and can help out quite a bit, like running to get things, etc. personally, when i have kids, i wouldnt want the age difference to be more than 3 years, i think the chance of them being friends and not just siblings is bigger that way (and they have more memories in common). look at me rambling on, sorry, i just think this is a really interesting subject. good luck with whatever you decide!

My two boys were born on the same day....a year apart (within 10 minutes of each other). And although I didn't actually plan it that way, it has worked out beautifully. They are now 3 and 2 and now that the potty training and the sleepness nights are pretty much over, I'm loving it!

I'm just jumping on really quick before getting back to work, so I haven't read the other responses. Since I'm pregnant with my first child, I don't have "real life" advice just yet. But... my stepson is 10 yo and is an only child on his dad's side of the family. We don't really want to have that situation repeat itself for us. All of our family lives out of state, so our child doesn't even get the benefit of having cousins nearby to act as surrogate siblings. It would be nice to have two children in roughly the same age group to provide stimulation for each other. Our plan (assuming I make it through this pregnancy) is to have two children spaced roughly 2-3 years apart. Ideally, it would be nice if they are no more than two years apart in school, but I've learned the hard way that mother nature doesn't always work within the parameters we establish.

My sister and I are 20 months apart, but were in adjacent grades in school. We fought a lot when we were kids, but I think that's kind of normal. On the other hand, my husband is 15 months older than his brother and they have never really gotten along very well. I think it has more to do with temperaments than age difference.

my twin sister and i thick as thieves, but i also know another pair of twins who despise each other. my elder sister was 6 when we arrived and she thought we were pests but now we get along like a house on fire!

i think it's not about the age difference, but more of how well you make the transition for mia from being the only child to a sibling. and it's really your luck of the draw when it comes to the compatibility of your children...

My sister and I are 8 years apart and have almost no common experiences. I recommend a sibling a lot sooner.

Three years is ideal, in humble opinion! Two years works well but any closer or any farther is a bit difficult. My kids are 3 years 3 months apart and they are very close. Everyone I know with kids 3 years apart seems to agree with me. Well, except for you! You really don't want two in diapers at the same time, but you don't want them too far apart either. I don't know. I guess you actually should just see what feels right. Then again, remember that 2 and 3 year olds are terrors, so you might keep that in mind when planning. If you wait until Mia is 2 or 3 to start trying, you may change your mind!

HERE'S THE THING NO ONE TOLD ME.....
having a couple babies on the hip are no problem. Try having one in high school, one in middle school, one in elementary and one in prek all at the same time. With their activities and their practices and their STUFF!!!!!!

Two years apart. Because...you are gonna have to drive the first one to everything. Forgetaboutit....you are the Mia-Taxi. However, when Mia hits sixteen, she can drive little sis around to her freshman stuff, and you have FREEDOM (or at least breathing space) by the time Mia graduates High School (gasp! who'd a thunk we'd be talking about this) little sis can drive her self, because she just turned sixteen.
Don't underestimate this little two year driving thing....The god's smiled on me and it worked out this way for ...through no family planning of my own. This is how, with my children, with my husband, with my family, living where I do, with my in-laws still alive....... I have retained my sanity.

Two years. No more, no less. Makes birthdays easier too.. All at the same time of year.

If two years can't be done, then go five years. Then you're not paying for all the high school stuff (and you won't believe how much there is here, especially for a girl) and all the college stuff at the same times.

My brother and I are a year and a half apart, and I love it. We've always gotten along great together (besides the normal sibling rivalry), and it's almost like we're twins. We finish each other's sentences and stuff. I definitely recommend less than 2 years apart.

my mum had five kids under five...... and then waited seven years before having me! I had the best of both worlds, growing up almost as an only child but getting lots and lots of presents at christmas time!!! No seriously, now that we are all older, my brother and sisters all get along fine, but I do feel left out a bit when they talk about their young days (before me). Either way - we still love each other all the same *sigh*

Wow! A lot of responses... I've heard both good and bad stories both ways. If you're going to do it, do it before you lose the nerve or the inclination. Once life starts to get normal, you sort of wonder why you need more kids to begin with. (I know this is a travesty to many here.)

We've decided one is just fine. He's 4 1/2. (I had an atrocious pregnancy with Nico, and an even harder delivery sooo... you have to take that into account as well. I'm not sure I, or My Man, could go through that again especially with a little boy who needs his mom.)

Just do what feels right. I know this doesn't answer the question. Sorry.

I'm bsrely two years older than my one brother and five years older than the second. I don't really remember life without the bothers. I have vague memories of #1 bro coming home from the hospital, and with #2, I loved my living baby doll--I helped feed him, play etc. My brothers are best friends with each other and always have been--at 21 and 24, they are still just as close as they were in their lego playing days. I'm closer to them than a lot of siblings are, but I used to pine for a sister or for being an only child. My husband is one of three boys, with the oldest being five years older and the next being three years older. None of them are close now, and growing up the older two beat up on poor Freak a lot. Just can't predict it. Myself, for our yet-unborn and unadopted children, I plan a fair age gap--prob 5 years. At the very least, I want #1 potty trained, plenty verbal, and more independent. I'm not a big fan of "stairstep" families for myself--but things can always change. Go with your gut.

Ok, my mom was from a family of 11 kids... one way or another somebody got along with somebody else. If they stopped liking each other, there was always another sibling. :)

My dad is the oldest of 3 boys. Boy #2 is about 1.5 younger and boy #3 is 3 more years younger. 1 & 2 get along great (still) and 3 got alienated (and hated)and pretty much still happens to this day, even though all of them are in their 40s.

I'm the oldest of 4 kids - girl 1 (me), girl 2, girl 3 and boy. We are all just about 2 years apart. Girls 1 & 2 got along fine while growing up. Girl 3 & boy were often paired together too. Girl 1 and 3 hated each other while growing up. Girl 1 turns 15, suddenly (or so it seems) G1 likes G3 just fine and G1 keeps getting into screaming matches with boy. G2 is an airhead and was off in her own happy world of college (and still is). To this day all of us girls only tolderate the boy. As the baby of the family, he got away with much more and turned himself into an a$$. G1 and G3 are best friends and tell each other everything, or just about.

My husband: oldest of 5. The first three kids were born about 2 years apart and then there's a 5 year gap for kid #4 and a 4 year gap for kid #5. For the most part, the three older get along fine. But #3 has been in the nasty habit of picking on #4, hard enough to reduce her to tears. And #5 is mama's baby and she won't let anybody ever pick on #5. :)

Also all my cousins on my dad's side are 2 years apart and I don't know about any major squabbles.

End conclusion? Two years is the best. They won't get along perfectly, but it seems to have the best results.

And my mom said the hardest was having 3 kids - 4, 2, and newborn. That amuses me, because somehow it wasn't as hard when she had a 6, 4, 2, and newborn?! :)

There are never guarantees with siblings, but that having been said...
Studies of relationships between siblings are generally differ if they're within 4 years of each other, or 5 years apart or greater. That's because if they're within 4 years of each other they will attend high school at the same time and are more likely to have common outside relationships.
Again, there is no saying how close or distant they actually will turn out. My kids are 15 months apart and after 17 years can't leave them alone for more than an hour.

since 57 otehrs have already commented, you don't need anything from me....go with your gut on this one :)

yay! 59! not even sure you will read this.

Having them close does not guarantee friendly siblings. My sister who is 16 months younger than I? Hate.

The one 10 years younger? Good buds.

Personally? I would go for 3-4. Less fresh memories from the teachers.

Number 60, Baby!

My sister, Cassia, is 11 years older than me. Our brother is 11 years older than her. And our oldest sister is 5 years older than him. So we're ALL over the place. My oldest sister could be my mother. Figure that one out.

Anyway -- 10 years is DEFINITELY too long. We get along great, but we didn't have any of that fun growing up together stuff. I went to school with a brother and sister who were 10 months apart. They were inseparable. When I get to Babytime, I'm going to try to have two within two years.

(Of course, my mind will change 1,000 times between now and then...)

Ask, and the internet speaks, right? YAY, 60!

Start now, it took us 1 1/2 years to get pg with our first and it's been 3 years and no success for #2.

Now, I know you have something like 100 comments about this already, but I will throw my 2 cents in anyway. My children are 3 years apart and they get along well. Sure...they fight. But they are also great friends. I think between 2-3 years difference is best, in my humble opinion. Good luck! And on another note, I have had two friends who got pregnant the first time, after trying for over a year. When they both decided to try for the second child, they thought they would start early, since it took so long getting pregnant the first time. Both were pregnant after just a couple of weeks trying. Yikes!

To me, the "ideal" is 2 years, but my best friend and her sister are 8 years apart and they get along fine. I personally would love to have a sibling within 2 years of my age, older OR younger. But I am an only child, so take it how you will :)

My girls are 17.5 months apart. I emphasis the and a half because it meant I had 6.5 months of 2 under 2. Argh.

But once the little one was about 1, it wsa great and now at 4.5 and 3, it is fabulous. They are best friends, I constantly find them having a hug/snog or holding hands etc etc. Sure they fight but it is lovely.

Of course if we go a third, it won't be for another year or two or three so then we'll have a big old gap between dd#2 and bub#3. But whatever hey?

I don't have any children myself, so I don't feel really "qualified" per se to answer this question. However, I was raised with two siblings; one brother and one sister. Personally, I think closer is better (although not less than a year). And in all honesty, I think you and Chris are better qualified and capable of answering the question than any of us. There are many mitigating factors as to children: financially, emotionally, mentally, physically - the two of you should probably figure out where y'all are at in each of those areas and go from there.

In any case, I think that you guys have a lot of love to give any child; regardless of when they come. You're great parents and when it's time for little Mia to have a brother or sister; it will feel right and both of you will be excited and yet, peaceful, as well about it.

Good luck! :)

I had my first two 2 1/2 years apart,which was rather perfect for me. They were far enough apart that I wasn't changing diapers on two kids,but they were close enough to be able to play together really well. (until they were about 10 and 12 when they realized that they hated each other. They are now 15 and 18 and love one another again. This may have something to do with the fact that my oldest is no longer at home). My third child was born 3 years ago as of mid-November. I do *not* recommend a 13 year difference in ages;except that teenagers who actually love your kid are great babysitters.

OMG... we're having the same discussions at our house right now. We're leaning towards closer-in-age. Lets not omit the fact that my husband will be...umm.... 41! in February. That definitely plays a role in our discussions...

well i think you hit gold with this question....
I am 5 yrs, and 7 yrs older than my brothers. We get along famously. My own are 7, 3, and 2. And they get along great. for now. but that pregnancy itch you have...thats completely normal.

I got pregnant before Beaux was three months old. AS much as I love both, I think the best age difference is at least waiting until the first is 2 before trying again.

I have no children but am the oldest of five. I'll be 26 in January, Samantha will be 24 next week, Ryan (another sister) will be 20 in January, and Donna will be 13. We had a great time growing up.

I don't know how this helps you, but I I have a good relationship with each one, and Samantha is my best friend. Whenever you have your next kid, it'll all work out fine.

I'm laughing only because I wondered the same thing and before I knew it, I was knocked up again. It took us 4 years to get pregnant with Nick, but only 7 months to get pregnant again. Our kids will be 16 months apart. Close, but I'd rather have them now as I am in my 30s.

my first two are 20 months apart and my second and third are almost 3 years...


as you can see i learned my lesson after the first two! just kidding. i actually really enjoyed having the two so close in age. it's hard now, but i feel like it will be great in the future.

Mine are 2 1/2 years apart (12 & 9 1/2). They get along great and are very close. My twin brother and I though, fought like cats and dogs with a rivalry like you wouldn't believe.

I don't think there is a perfect time. I think most of it has to do with personalities and the family. My sister and I are 2.5 years apart and we HATE each other. My husband and his sister are the same and get along GREAT.

I decided to go close and mine will be 18 months apart.

I don't think there's a right answer. It's going to depend on your kids and their personalities. My sister and I are 15 months apart and we were never close. My own children are 5 years apart. My youngest will be 8 in just a couple of months and the oldest just turned 13. So far, it's been GREAT. They get along wonderfully, play together like champs and are great friends. We homeschool so maybe that's one reason they're so close. Anyway, good luck to you at whatever their age gap. You'll do great! :-)

It's a little late in the comments, and I admit I didn't read them all, but I feel strongly about this!

I think it's great for siblings to be close together. In my family growing up, the oldest two were 18 months apart (one grade), then 4 years between 2 & 3, and then the younger two were 18 months apart. I hated my sister closest in age when we were growing up. It was like torture to have to share everything with her. As adolescents, we couldn't have been more adversarial. But, in hindsight, we knew everything about the other, and we held it over each other's heads ('I'm gonna tell Mom!!'), but in truth, we would have never betrayed each others' trust, and we looked out for each other like no one else in the whole world could have. When my parents were clueless about what we liked, where we hung out, and who our friends were, we knew it about each other, and we could inform my parents when something was truly wrong (which happened from time to time.)
As an adult, my sister closest in age is my best friend (turns out that we also grew to be very similar), and there is no comparison at all to the relationship I have with the sisters who are 4 and 5 years away from me in age. I don't know if my oldest sisters would agree with the looking out for each other part, but they hated each other when growing up, and are now best friends, even though they are two very different people.


Eh, that's enough blabbering. I vote for kids less than 2 years apart, preferably one grade apart!

I always thought I'd want my kids to be about 2 years apart. Little did I know, I wasn't ready to have another baby as soon as I thought I'd be. (My son is now 2 yrs, 4 months and I'm not pregnant.) Instead of worrying that my kids might be farther apart in age than I'd hoped, I've accepted that giving myself more time is what's best for me. I think my children will be happier if I'm happier.

BTW, someone posted that it's much easier to get pregnant the 2nd time around. Is that true? And why?

Mine are all 18 months apart. They are close knit. Don't get me wrong, they have their arguments, but they look out for each other.

My brother and I are 5 years apart and have never been close. Don't think we ever will be.

I'm not sure if there's a "perfect" age difference, but I do know that having a baby when the sibling is under 2 seems to make it easier to integrate baby into the family.

Mine have rarely exhibited any sibling rivalry and they were always happy to be having a new baby around.

one of my roommates has a brother that is a year younger than her. she said that they were close when they were younger, but grew apart. right now, she's closer to her sister, who's about 8 years younger than she is.

i guess it varies.

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