You are five months old today and I can't quite wrap my brain around that fact. The last five months have gone very quickly, but this last month especially has flown by. You are learning so much and changing so much every day that I hardly know where to begin to describe you.
Last Friday, you weighed 18 pounds and 3 ounces. Your feet, which I think look like doughy dinner rolls with toes, are the same length as my palm. Your legs are as long as my forearm and your arms are as long as my hand. You are far too big to fit entirely in my mouth, so I have decided to slurp you through a straw instead.
This month you learned to laugh and I spend all my time trying to make you do it. One sure-fire way is to wash your face with a washcloth, but only at night when we are getting ready for bed because it simply isn't funny any other time of day. You also learned how to produce an ear-splitting screech which you use to show that you are either upset or bored or happy or maybe just to turn the Christmas tree lights on and off (they are plugged into the Clapper your father gave me for my birthday last month).
You also learned to roll from your back to your stomach. Unfortunately, you seem to have forgotten how to roll from your stomach to your back, so once you are there you are stuck until I rescue you. You don't mind being on your tummy so much anymore and will stay that way for several minutes. I think you have realized that that way lies mobility, and you are desperate to move. You are starting to get your knees up under you, but can't quite push all the way up on your arms yet.
Earlier this month you saw a little girl (about your size, actually) walking. You were fascinated. You squirmed and fussed until I stood you up on the floor and then just stared and stared. Since then, you have very little patience with lying down and only slightly more with sitting up. You want to stand up all the time and you love when I get on my knees with you in front of me and "walk" you around the room. If wishing made it so, you would already be running around the house.
You don't have much interest in mirrors, and I wondered why that was until I realized that you already know what they are. Instead of gazing raptly at the baby in the mirror, you turn around to look for the objects that are being reflected. I tell myself that you cannot possibly have figured this out, but watching you there can be no other explanation.
You have always loved my hair, and now you are accurate and strong enough to reach out and give it a good hard yank. Between all the hair you are losing and the hair you pull out of my head I think we are shedding more than the cats. You also like to pull your father's hair, but it is too short to get a grip on. You yank out handfuls of the cats' fur every chance you get and I am in a constant race to get it out of your fingers before you cram it into your mouth.
You still refuse to take a bottle or pacifier, and you like to play with the sippy cup but become very angry if milk comes out of it. You are sleeping much better at night (we went back to swaddling) but napping is still a real problem. However, twice this week I put you down in your bed and you (eventually) fell asleep (with me there singing and shaking the mattress, but I still think it is progress).
You are starting to like other people a bit, as long as they keep their distance. You will smile at your grandparents as long as your father and I are holding you, but handing you over guarantees an instant scream. You recognize your own name, although I am a bit confused you are going to think it is really Mia Bean.
I was talking to your father last night about how wonderful you are and how beautiful you are. That is practically all we talk about anymore. We are both so in awe of you that we have to force ourselves to focus on anything else. We also discussed how much we have both come to love you over the past five months and how that love just keeps growing. As I told your father, it is a strange feeling to know that I would jump off a building for you without a second of hesitation. I want no matter what for you to always know that you are that loved and adored.
I've been thinking a lot lately about what I thought this would be like and how wrong I was in what I thought. My life is nothing like it was before and nothing like I imagined it would be, but I am madly in love with it. Thank you for this new life.