Yesterday I dumped, oh, I don't know, a gallon of breastmilk down the sink along with two half-eaten and freezer burned pints of Ben and Jerry's. I was more upset about the ice cream than the milk. The reasons for this are twofold:
1) Mia will not under any circumstances accept milk from any dispenser other than the breast. In the event that she accidentally gets some milk out of the bottle or sippy cup that she has been happily playing with she becomes irate and screams until I remove the offending object from her sight. She is Not. Having. It. So, most of that milk was pumped to keep my boobs from exploding (see item 2).
2) I have milk coming out the, well, I have a lot of milk. Seriously, if you know some hungry triplets you should send them my way. My breasts may be small and rather lopsided and not highly attractive, but they sure can lactate. Go boobs. So that gallon of milk was nuthin' - give me lots of water and a couple hours and I'll feed every baby within a four mile radius.
I did consider donating to a milk bank, but you have to donate 100 ounces, and that's an awful lot of pumping considering that Mia would not have a drop of it so I am selfish and never did it. Sue me.
And just since we are on the subject, am I the only one who thinks the business end of a breast pump really ought to be opaque? I mean, nobody needs to see that.
With that, I am going to try my hardest to not post a single thing about my breasts for, let's say one week minimum. However, before the moratorium I have to mention that today is the third day in a row that I have returned from running errands to discover that one or both sides of my nursing bra is unhooked. I make motherhood look hot.