Dude. Can we please talk about something - anything - other than poop? Now I know that you and I have not been talking about poop, but Chris and I have discussed precious little else in the past week or so, ever since Mia decided that pooping wasn't really her bag. Lately my entire life has been focused on getting this kid to poop. I keep thinking, "you know, I went to college" which really is neither here nor there especially since I think I spent more time watching General Hospital than I spent in class. I did get an A in Calculus, which again has nothing to do with the subject at hand but math is very hard for me so I like to throw that out whenever I can. I feel it is proof that I am an excellent mother that I got Little Miss Steel-Trap Colon to poop twice in one day, but I suppose it is proof that I am a bad mother that I seriously considered IMing Chris to share the news before I cleaned her up.
Um, wait. Wasn't I going to talk about something other than poop? And have I just dedicated an entire paragraph to (hold on, let me re-read quickly, yes, just as I thought) poop. Argh. I need help. You all must help me, rescue me from the poop. Give me a topic, any topic, and I will talk about that instead.
And people, please. Do not, and by that I mean really do not, talk to me about poop. I am sure that you have the 100% guaranteed fool-proof method for maintaining regularity in children under 4 and that by not receiving and following your advice I am dooming my child to a lifetime of poop problems and likely therapy to address those poop problems, but I am a terrible, self-centered, uninvolved mother and I do not want to hear it. Really. No. Thanks anyway, but don't do it.
Now, topics? Anyone? Save me from myself? I'll be your best friend.