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Another reason to hate playgroup

Mia and I had a playgroup this morning - one of those things where I joined a group online and don't know any of the people. Then Mia woke up at 5:30 and then took a very short morning nap, throwing our "schedule" out the window. Perfect excuse to skip playgroup. Instead, I decided to suck it up and be brave and go anyway. So, Mia had a bath and wore her pink high tops and I actually brushed my hair and wore a dry clean only sweater (which I am no longer wearing since Mia threw up on it) and we headed out to try not to be a total ass in front of strangers (me) and drool on a different carpet for once (Mia).

When we got to the house I rang the bell and heard the pitter patter of little feet running full-tilt towards the door. Then the doorknob turned and... nothing. The door didn't open. I heard the kid yelling to someone that yes someone was at the door, no, he didn't know who but she had a baby, and various other things. Still the door did not open. I figured something was going on inside, that the attendant adult had her hands full and couldn't make it to the door right away, so I waited. I understood really, it happens to me all the time, but I did think it was a little odd since she was expecting people. After waiting entirely too long (seriously, maybe 5 minutes?) I thought maybe we had been forgotten and rang again. More yelling, but no movement at the front door. We left, and as we walked away I heard a knocking and turned around to see two children waving to me from an upstairs window.

When I got home, I checked the message board and saw a post from 12:30 this morning that playgroup had been cancelled, the hostess wasn't feeling well. Ok, my fault for not checking. But here's what I'm thinking: if you are so sick that you cannot go to the door to tell me playgroup was cancelled, or yell through the door, or send one of your children to yell through the door then you should be in the hospital. Since I doubt she was so sick that she could not manage one of those things, she's just a bitch. I was not someone there to sell magazines or salvation, I was an invited guest. Granted, I had also been uninvited, but clearly I hadn't gotten the message.

Am I wrong? Am I being my usual unkind and unforgiving self? Should I be sending her get well cards, or hate mail? Either way, I'm never going to another playgroup. I don't need friends and Mia can make some in kindergarten.

Comments (48)

I would be totally annoyed by the whole thing myself. To handle it amicably though, I would maybe bring it up to the whole group, that there needs to be a better way to let everyone know when it's cancelled. Perhaps a phone tree or something?

While there's really no need for her to blatantly ignore someone at the door (she should've sent one of her snot-nosed kids to tell you at the very least!) I don't think you should give up.

And that's a lot coming from me who doesn't like people too much as a whole :P

Er, and by "give up" I meant give up play groups.. there may actually be nice ones! I've heard rumors anyway.

She didn't even have a kid SCREAM through the door (or out the window)?

Yes. It is akward and uncomfortable. Granted, I would never want anyone to see me with rat nest like hair, mismatched PJs, and barf drool down the front of my shirt--but for chrissake, we all have days like that right? And I would be the last to judge if you were SICK.

I can't beleive that she wouldn't call. Not everyone checks their email in the morning. Esepcially not when you have a baby. She should have posted a not. And no your not being a bitch. At least not in my world.

Oh crap, that was supposed to be posted a note. Or had her kids tell you she was sick.

No, you're not being a bitch about it. If she was THAT unwell, she could've posted a note on the door. Just ignoring it was terribly rude.

I would also be annoyed. Sure, she canceled, but she could have also posted a note on the door, or called people, or at least told those who showed up, "I'm sorry, but I'm not feeling well today, so I had to cancel." At least pretend to be aware of the fact that not everyone would have checked the board before heading over.

okay, first of all, she should have tried to contact you guys individually if possible and second of all MY GOD! why didn't she come to the door?!? what, was she afraid you'd bust through the door anyway saying "dammit, i'm here for a playgroup and a playgroup is what's gonna happen here bizzutch!"

geesh. i don't blame you for being irritated as hell.

How rude is she??

That was rude of her! At the very least she could have put a damn note on the front door in case someone didn't see her post. Jeezous!

No, you are being totally reasonable. The host was being nothing but rude. If she is home ill with several little ones with her, she's well enough to answer the door and apologize to you for the late cancellation. I don't blame you for wanting to give up on the whole thing. However, MOMS Club International was a good place for me to start and I've had a good experience with it thusfar.

For what it's worth, I'd be pissed too. How hard is it to pick up a phone or at least have one of the kids holler.

Speaking of kids, I wonder how old those little guys were running amok.

Totally, totally reasonable. A simple phone call would've sufficed, since I would imagine there weren't, like, a hundred women attending said playgroup, right?

I just met a woman and we were supposed to have our first "date" today at the mall. Our meeting time was 11am, and she was running about 30 minutes late but never called to let me know.

Instead, she's sent an email.

Can't exactly get my email while waiting for your ass outside of Sears!!!!

Well, shit. I'm with you. I don't need friends and my kids have each other, I suppose.

That's pretty weird if you ask me.

Unless maybe she was deathly ill with a migraine, or something? And moving means throwing up or passing out?

But still. Weird.

oh, i hate playgroups. so many reasons why, it seems silly to list them. but about this one in particular? it seems obvious that you would not have wanted to 'play' with this woman and her kids, anyway- creepy! good riddance!

and anyway, you have all these lovely people on the internets to talk to, right? ;)

Yeah, I get that she was too sick to come to the door (or that she was faking it and didn't want you to know, more likely), and I even get that she might not want her kids opening the door to strangers, even those with BABIES AS CUTE AS MIA, because I can imagine that you, yourself, look pretty strange and threatening. BUT she should still have had one of the little monsters yell through the door, or from the upstairs window. For that matter, she herself could have yelled from an upstairs window.

Beeyotch. I say you and the rest of the group get together next time but don't tell HER about it.

How rude (her, not you). You should have egged her house. Or had Mia throw up on her welcome mat.

You are a better woman than I, Beth! Nothing would have gotten me to go in the first place. I do not need friends badly enough to stand around and talk about babies for hours while my son picks up whatever is going around amongst the small ones.

I'll resume adult company when I return to work after the end of my mat. leave in September. I can happily wait.

PS: That woman was extremely rude indeed.

fate says: you so just met the mother of Mia's first boyfriend - hehehe

(seriously - what a crappy thing to do - but on the up side if this is how she acts- at least you found out b/f Mia and her kids became BFF )

Beth-I'm in a great playgroup in Montomery county. We meet on Fridays mornings. You should come. We would never do that. And we serve great lunches!

social skills, who needs them....obviously the hostess of the playgroup didnt bother.

I agree - rude. Phone call AND note on the door would've been the way to go.
I never did playgroups with my kids. My mom has watched both of them since birth, except for one short-lived stint when my son was almost a year old and someone (I can't remember who or I'd slap them) convinced me that he should go to daycare because he needed to "socialize" with other babies.
Know what?? Babies don't really socialize.
Know what else? The only thing my son got out of the experience was germs and being bitten by another kid.
So, until preschool, my kids socialized with their family and our friends.
Must not have done any harm because in 4th and 1st grade now, neither has any problems making friends.
So, that was my long-winded way of saying, if you don't wanna do the playgroup thing, don't feel bad/guilty about it. :)
Hugs!

Totally rude! I hope you don't give up on the playgroup idea, but I don't really like them either. Luckily, we have a great neighbor, but it's just one other child and that works out great. We knew each other already and would never diss the other person like that.
Dude -- you even combed her hair, the least the lady could do is give you an apology at the damn door.

There's a lot of unconsiderate people out there, and you almost met one today.

I can't even believe I'm writing this, but I AM THAT WOMAN. Well, not HER exactly, but I did the very same thing. And blogged about it.

I hold a weekly play group and my baby was sick a couple of weeks ago and I called each member and spoke to them personally and told them it was canceled. Fine, right?

However! A woman showed up who hadn't come since October, when the group started, and whom I had taken off the list because I figured she had dropped out.

She just randomly showed up. I was wearing my ratty robe and my hair was all over the place and hell no, I didn't go to the door!

But I did feel extraordinarily guilty about it. And it was extremely rude. And I tell you all this in the spirit of admitting my colossal shortcomings as a mother. ;)

I'd be pissed too. At least have the kid yell that play group has been cancelled! Geez, people. Where is the etiquette???

*pout* so no lunch with Shepherd & me?? What if I help TP the womans house... hey!!! That's an idea... instead of lunch, we'll egg the lady's house!!! :-D

You know, women and babies got along just fine for thousands of years without playgroups....

I say, screw 'em.

yeesh, yeah she could have answered the damn door. she should apologize online as well, maybe she was in the shower or something or barfing, but she should explain...to the woman who came to my door, i am sorry b/c....
lol.

Yep. Agreed. Just because we have technology options to communicate, does not mean you don't pick up the phone and call just to be sure... and? socialby correct.

Very lazy. I have a hair-trigger tolerance for high-maintenance and annoying moms. That? Would have sent me over the edge. ESPECIALLY since the dry-clean only sweater made an appearance. ;)

Yowzers. How inconsiderate! Like women with small kids are ALWAYS going to check their email...? I don't always check my email, and I only have a dog, not a baby. I would definitely be upset and pissed off, and you're right; she could at least have gotten one of the kids to yell through the door that their mother felt like shit, had sent a message to cancel and was staying in bed.

Bitch: nope. Totally right: yup.

As for 'giving up playgroup', do what you feel is best for yourself as well as for Mia. People I know with kids have told me that if mommy isn't happy, baby will sense it and then baby won't be happy either, so bear that in mind.

yeah... that's rude. almost as rude as signing up to come to a playgroup and never showing and never offering an explanation.

I'd say don't go to anymore playgroups at THAT person's house, and give the rest of them a chance.

a) You're right... at the very least she could've put a note on the door that said "Playgroup is cancelled... sorry."
b) I never really got the whole playgroup concept. Babies aren't really into sharing anyway, and I'm sure we all have friends of our own.
c) Germs. Yes, germs are everywhere, but I don't want my baby licking the toys that some stranger's baby has licked.
d) But maybe I'm weird that way.

If I had been in charge of the playgroup, I would have gone overboard to make sure everyone got the message. Sure--post it on the site, but then surely she had a few phone numbers. Also...a sign on the door so that you didn't have to stand out there using semaphores to speak with her kids who were waving to you from the window. That's because I'm the kind of person who worries about the situtation you found yourself in. I'd work overtime to prevent it...unless I was in a coma or something. Somehow I doubt this is the case with this woman.

The way I see it, playgroups aren't at all useful until the children are old enough to talk to each other anyway. Before that, it's just a waste of time - or a chance for moms to get together. if you don't know or like the moms, it's not worth it. I hosted a playdate (with only 2 other kids and parents) last year, and it went okay, but I think this year is when she'll really have the most fun with other kids. She's over 2 now.

You are not wrong! I would have had the exact same reaction.

Ignoring you was totally rude. If you're there, obviously you did not get her email. How much effort would it take to open the door and say "No playgroup today?" Or have one of the kids do it.

I haven't read all the comments so I may be repeating here, but you know, sick or not, it would have only been polite to come to the door to let you know. I think , even looking my worst, I would have rather come to the door and smile and said 'Oh I'm so sorry you've wasted your trip, I posted that it was cancelled...bla bla bla'

But don't give up! There are wonderful groups out there and I have made many valuable friendships while our babies played at our feet.

Have you ever thought about starting your own group?

why in the speckled hell didn't she stick a note on the front door, just in case you didn't get the email?

Totally classless.

Any chance of inviting her over to ignore on your own door step? Oh would be so much fun. Chris could take surrepticious (yeah I can't spell) pictures from behind the shrubs, whilst she stands there with her brood....
No?

Okay then...but find another play group... Mia will really really benefit from being with other kids, especially as she starts walking and talking.... do it mom, do it mom, do it mom... oh and change your sweater you got a little schmutz right there on the shoulder.

This is why I don't like people. Except for the ones I do like. And yes, I do reserve the right to dislike people based on things like this.

Not for nothing, but you hauled your baby over to her place during the winter (not sure how cold it was in your area the day this happened, but just go with me here, I'm on a roll) and let you stand outside like you were there selling something? Sheesh! Not worth attempting to hang with her again, unless she sent a VERY nice e-mail apologizing or called to apologize - and with a good excuse - then why bother?

Incidentally, does she read this site?

What a horrible woman!
Play groups suck - but I have to admit that my only experience with one was when I was a young, first time mom. An older woman I liked but barely knew invited us to 'her' playgroup. I showed up and I was the only mom there. All the other toddlers were there with their nannies! Eeek.
My advice? Just have more brilliant, beautiful babies like Mia and they can socialize with each other.

There should have been a note on the door and she should have just had her kiddo yell through the door that she was sick. I would have been pissed too.

Ha!!!!!!!! No, you are so totally right. A complete bitch! I would be so so pissed. I would not have stopped beating on the door till teh whole group thought I was a psycho. No really though...she knew it was someone from playgroup since you said the kid told her you had a baby. Ther eis no excuse no matter how bad she looked or whatever she could of had the kid tell you playgroup was cancelled or yelled it from the window. I cant believe how rude people can be and I would not be going back. Period!

Also, atleast you didnt join said playgroup and thought everyone was your friend like I did and then had one of the main ones tell you your kid was totally socially retarded and would never make it because you didnt have her in mothers day out with all the other kids learning thier abcs and 123's! She then proceeded to tell me how sorry she felt that I was her mother and basically I was ruining her life by not being more involved in playgroups and having her around more kids. She wasnt even 2 yet. But since all the other moms already had their not even 2 year olds in preschool mine was sooo far behind because she couldnt fully recite her alphabet! Moms can be evil!!!!!!!!!

Hanging out with strangers in the name of socializing your child (ie forcing THEM to hang out with strangers)??? Who invented this evil travesty??

Yikes. Sorry - that wasn't cool at all! It's hard not to feel stupid when you're waiting outside a stranger's door. It's like the feeling you get when the bus is slooooowly pulling away from the stop, and you wrestle with yourself about whether to run (never works). She was rude, rude, rude. Never host if you can't be civilized. Did you post a snappy retort on the list? It's not like she's anonymous, I can't believe she didn't act better.

That being said, I went to a great playgroup (from an online group) last week in DC. The house was a loden green victorian with a purple door, there were 5 other moms and kids under 2, and there was a giant cheesecake with whole strawberries studding the top. So they're not all bad! We spent some of the time discussing how the mom bought the house from a Craigslist listing last april, and the couple who sold it were splitting acrimoniously, so they left the house full of period-specific furninshings, food in the fridge, and clothes in the dryer. Wierd, huh? And the kids had fun, too.

I hope you try again, and better luck next time. Anyways don't you have those friends that are local? All Mia needs is a couple of little friends.

you could send her a get-well card AND hate mail in one! Dear Playgroup Leader, thank you for inviting me to your house. I am sorry that you are deathly ill. I am still wondering if maybe I should call 911 on your behalf. Obviously, you were VERY sick, because any DECENT person (unless deathly ill) would have the courtesy to come and tell me that playgroup was cancelled. best wishes, the fish

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