1) Who wants to talk about my boobs some more? Thanks for all your comments and advice on that. I have decided to try actually putting some hydrocortisone or something on it and if it doesn't go away in a couple of days I'll go to the doctor. Yes, I am stalling. I hate doctors.
2) Oh, except I like Mia's hotty pediatrician. We saw him again today. I did my hair.
3) Oh, and I also like the friend I've had since we were four or something who happens to be a doctor these days. You know what you should all do? You should all get one of your childhood friends to become a doctor and then get them to read your blog because then when you post diagrams of your boobs on the internet you will get an email that says "you do not have cancer" and that is very reassuring. Hey, do you think I could name my friend as my primary care physician? I mean, I could email her my temperature and a picture of whatever it was and she could email me back and say "you do not have cancer" and that would be that. Good plan, yes?
4) So anyway, a couple of you brought up the cancer thing on the last post and said there is some "new" breast cancer that starts as a rash and while I appreciate your concern and advice, THAT WAS MEAN! Anyway, I consulted Dr. Google and I think what you are talking about is called Paget's Disease of the Nipple (which I do not have) and you can read about it here. It is uncommon, especially in younger women, but go ahead and read about it because it will only take you a minute and knowledge is power and also half the battle and we have to stay informed about things like this to protect ourselves and our health. Go, I'll wait.
5) I'm waiting.
6) Who wants to move on? Me too.
7) I love making numbered lists, I find it very satisfying. It also makes it easier to go back and fix typos. You know what I do a lot? I have typos that are homonyms. For example, I just had to go back and change have to half (which are homonyms when I say them, welcome to the South). What is that about? Is that weird?
8) Several of you asked what comes in a Tiffany's bag this big. The answer, obviously, is armloads of jewels. Also my tiara. Or dishes. Baby dishes. With bunnies. They were a gift from Mia's great-great-uncle. I am sure she will appreciate them as soon as she finishes chewing on the bag.
9) Also, people ask me all the time when I am going to wean Mia. And wait, are we talking about boobs again? Dammit. Anyway, I am definitely going to wean Mia before she goes to college and that is my final word on the subject.
10) Or else maybe I will wean her next week because she has six teeth coming in and frankly there is no way that bodes well for my nipples. (Six teeth. At once. No wonder she screams all night long. Did I mention that her pediatrician is a hotty?)
11) Are you just dying to know for real when I am going to wean her? It is keeping you up nights? Do you secretly suspect that I am some sort of boob fanatic and will breastfeed her until she is five? Then you need to get out more.
12) Does anybody want to come to dinner? I'm making baked orzo with marinara and veggies. Oh, could somebody pick up a loaf of french bread on the way? I got one yesterday but then we got take out and now I think it is stale.