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Odds and Ends

1) Who wants to talk about my boobs some more? Thanks for all your comments and advice on that. I have decided to try actually putting some hydrocortisone or something on it and if it doesn't go away in a couple of days I'll go to the doctor. Yes, I am stalling. I hate doctors.

2) Oh, except I like Mia's hotty pediatrician. We saw him again today. I did my hair.

3) Oh, and I also like the friend I've had since we were four or something who happens to be a doctor these days. You know what you should all do? You should all get one of your childhood friends to become a doctor and then get them to read your blog because then when you post diagrams of your boobs on the internet you will get an email that says "you do not have cancer" and that is very reassuring. Hey, do you think I could name my friend as my primary care physician? I mean, I could email her my temperature and a picture of whatever it was and she could email me back and say "you do not have cancer" and that would be that. Good plan, yes?

4) So anyway, a couple of you brought up the cancer thing on the last post and said there is some "new" breast cancer that starts as a rash and while I appreciate your concern and advice, THAT WAS MEAN! Anyway, I consulted Dr. Google and I think what you are talking about is called Paget's Disease of the Nipple (which I do not have) and you can read about it here. It is uncommon, especially in younger women, but go ahead and read about it because it will only take you a minute and knowledge is power and also half the battle and we have to stay informed about things like this to protect ourselves and our health. Go, I'll wait.

5) I'm waiting.

6) Who wants to move on? Me too.

7) I love making numbered lists, I find it very satisfying. It also makes it easier to go back and fix typos. You know what I do a lot? I have typos that are homonyms. For example, I just had to go back and change have to half (which are homonyms when I say them, welcome to the South). What is that about? Is that weird?

8) Several of you asked what comes in a Tiffany's bag this big. The answer, obviously, is armloads of jewels. Also my tiara. Or dishes. Baby dishes. With bunnies. They were a gift from Mia's great-great-uncle. I am sure she will appreciate them as soon as she finishes chewing on the bag.

9) Also, people ask me all the time when I am going to wean Mia. And wait, are we talking about boobs again? Dammit. Anyway, I am definitely going to wean Mia before she goes to college and that is my final word on the subject.

10) Or else maybe I will wean her next week because she has six teeth coming in and frankly there is no way that bodes well for my nipples. (Six teeth. At once. No wonder she screams all night long. Did I mention that her pediatrician is a hotty?)

11) Are you just dying to know for real when I am going to wean her? It is keeping you up nights? Do you secretly suspect that I am some sort of boob fanatic and will breastfeed her until she is five? Then you need to get out more.

12) Does anybody want to come to dinner? I'm making baked orzo with marinara and veggies. Oh, could somebody pick up a loaf of french bread on the way? I got one yesterday but then we got take out and now I think it is stale.

Comments (39)

I'm replying here because all the boob replies scare me. Clive Owen in Inside Man - you'll love it. Go see it. Now. Take some itch cream.

when my sister was pregnant (14 years ago) she got a funny (not HA HA funny but you know..HMMM funny) on her nipple. He GP Doc told her it WAS padgets disease (probably spelled wrong..not going back to check).
ANYWAY...they told her she had to have a biopsy and she could nver breastfeed and blah blah...peril peril.
Turned out?
ECZEMA.
Bastard.

Just sayin...

Beth, you crack me up!

Um, if I lived closer you would totally be having at least one dinner guest tonight because that sounds tasty! The orzo thing. That's what sounds tasty.

Okay, so I thought I would write to apologize...I was one of the "mean cancer" writers yesterday. I really wasn't trying to scare you. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, and so I tend to be a little over-cautious of boob-related issues because her cancer was almost not discovered. I'm sorry if it came off mean...I really didn't intend it that way! I'm sure the cortaid will take care of it. Love your blog and best wishes!!

Let me just jump on a plane...should be there early tomorrow morning. Will there be leftovers?

k

Seiously? People are asking you about weaning Mia and she's not yet even a year old? What is wrong with people? Don't they know that the World Health Organization (WHO? the World Health Organization. WHO? the World Health Organization! OH, WHO!) recommends at least two years? Even the AMA (no fun there) says one year.

Seriously. Those people need a real job.

Mea culpa with the meanness here as well. Just paranoid lately due to recent cancer death of someone I was in school with.

Glad you have a doctor friend who can supply better and more comforting internet diagnoses than we can. I need one of those as well.

Am I still invited for dinner? I've got olive pugliese loaf...

Gonna be mean here ;-) - just call the doc and double check that its ok to use the hyrocortisone cream with nursing, especially since you are applying it to your boobilicious tatas.

You just crack me up. What's on the agenda tomorrow: hairy pits, stinky feet, or toenail growth? I love your blog...and, I don't care when you wean your daughter. I also have a pretend boyfriend: colin firth. Yum. Now, that is a hot discussion. How about taking a picture of this cutie dr. of your daughters!?!?!

I get questions about weaning as well. I guess they don't realize how incredibly cheap I am--this kid isn't weaning until I don't have to buy special "food" for him.

Best of Luck.

Homonyms are my most common typo and it's not because I can't spell.

So their.

So sorry I won't be able to make it for dinner. Or be able to bring the bread. Would love to have the recipe for the orzo dish if you are willing to share, though.

I was recently diagnosed with eczema. At almost 32, I thought that was a bit late in life for something like that to appear. The doc asked if I'd ever had something similar and I said no. Then my dad tells me that I did when I was a wee one. Who knew?

Have I told you lately that I think your awesome? Yeah... it's true.

WHO would leave a comment telling you that you have some bizarre kind of cancer? that IS so mean. i never!

p.s. that's a nice great-uncle mia's got there. ;) make sure she kisses up a lot before graduation.

I loved this post--exactly the kind of humor I adore, but am lacking entirely. You crack me up, and I heart that!

I forgot to take out something to thaw before I left for work today. I had to stay at work unusually long, too, preventing me from fixing dinner tonight.

It is completely impossible that that's all coincidental - working late, forgetting to take out dinner and not being able to fix dinner. I would never try to get out of fixing dinner. Especially when I conceptualize and fix it all by myself, every single night.

No no. Completely impossible.

I walk by Tiffany everyday on my way to work. And I have been wondering about the size of that bag since you posted that picture.

I am so glad you finally informed us what was in the bag.

(and it sounds oh so cute!)

Good luck with the boobies.

Meanwhile, at Doctor Friend Since The Age Of Four's house, an automatic "you do not have cancer" reply for email from Beth's address is set up...

P.S. I know know that you've never played World of Warcraft, because otherwise you would be laughing at how Paget's Disease of the Nipple sounds like some sort of obscene weapon.

Can we see pictures of what was in the Tiffany's bag? And also, still waiting on the pic of the hot doctor. Just tell him it's for Mia's baby book, and get a pic of him holding her. What could be cuter? :)

Oh dang'it! I would so love to come for dinner.... but I have scheduled to wash my hair....
ok now to more important things....
Your BOOB... first off... go to the doctor if you are concerned.
second.... breast feeding is the best! I mean I know a lot of women who can't do it... and really it is a personal choice... but in my opinion.. it is the best... I breast fed both of my children.. until they weened themselves... my son... he was 14mos and my daughter she was 13 mos... just seemed to work out that way... I think a child will ween themselves when they are ready... and really the mothers that breastfeed in to "years" ... it isn't for nutrition it is for comfort... perhaps comfort for both Mom and baby. Try not to feel pressured to stop... make it work for you and your baby.... AND (just cause I think you want to hear me a run on sentence....) I have heard that ladies that breastfeed are less likely to have breast cancer or any other breast realted illnesses. So there you go!

Get your butt to the doctor! LOL FedEx me leftovers.

I have been wondering what was in the bag. I like numbering too. And making lists.

I got lucky with my little girl. Well sort of. She started teething when she was about 6 months old, but didn't get teeth until 10 months. And that was only 2 on top. She didn't get the 2 bottoms ones until 15 months (I think). And she was weaned by then - No boob biting! The bad part about that was that she teethed (is that a word?? was teething) FOR. EVER. Fingers crossed for you and sleepy nights to return.

Damn it. See what happens when I miss a day of reading blogs? I missed the dinner invitation. Bother! Oh well. Now I know not to ever miss a day.

I think I'd prefer getting a baby in a Tiffany's bag than a whole bagful of diamonds or baby plates, cute or sparkly as they may be. But that's just me and I'm weird like that. :D

Don't stop breastfeeding. It only makes the wonderful full breasts you have now...very sad. So sad that they get a little 'squooshy' and fall to the side when you are lying down.

Or maybe that's just me.

I surfed through here for the first time the other day...that's quite a first impression you made on me, I have to admit. Love the artistic rendering of your boob "issue". Loved your style of writing even more. I will be digging through your archives this weekend. Keep up the great work =)

Sorry I was mean! I just wanted to validate that there was such a cancer. And very few people know about it.

Ok, not to be another meanie but there is another scary one out there called Inflammatory Breast Cancer that very few people know about.

NOT that you have this - you don't. Just wanted to throw some more info out there for others who might be searching...

6 Teeth at once?? That's gonna hurt both you and her. Good luck on that!

1. I think this is my favorite blog.
2.You only have to worry about biting after the front two teeth come in on both the top and bottom. And then it only lasts about a week.
3. Cortizone cream tastes bad. Really bad. I had to put it on my boob when I was nursing so I would put it on right after I nursed and then rinsed my boob before I nursed again.
4. What would you do without me and all my wisdom?

I do that homonym thing too. Mostly when I get tired. I think I start typing on autopilot.

Baked orzo w/marinara & veggies sounds delicious.

Ok... so you went the ped? You could have whipped out boobage and showed him. Ah, lost opportunity. Anyway, what ever you use to clear this up, wipe it off before nursing.

Oh, and PBBBLLLLTTTTT to anyone that thinks you should stop nursing. I nursed my youngest until he was almost 3. He is not harmed in any way. He's not even a momma's boy... too much. You nurse until it's right for you and Mia to stop. You'll know when that is.

I'll come to dinner, but only if you keep your rashed boobs in your shirt. It looks like you're growing a second nipple on that thing.

Slice the bread and put butter and garlic on it and broil it. It will be fine.

Glad to hear you don't have cancer (didn't think it was cancer).

I am coming out from under a two-day sinus headache, and I missed all the drama. Nice pics, though.

Too bad I didn't read this yesterday...oh, and that I had to work. I'd have come to dinner! Be careful what you wish for - I go to College Park and live close enough to invade. ;)

Not to freek you out or anything, but the stuff you describe on your boobs sounds a lot like what happens to mine when I am PREGNANT. Stretch marks and itchy rash. You aren't by chance pregnant, are you?

:)

People ask me when I'll wean Cae (she's 20 months old in a week)

I say when she wants to. Then they don't ask anymore ;)

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So the Fish Said...

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