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International Laugh at Beth Day, or something

Does it seem to anybody else that all I do lately is complain about being tired? Well, there's a reason for that. I am so tired. I don't mean to complain about it, I'm just mentioning it for posterity and also as a public service so that if any teenaged girls are reading my site (which hey, go get a hobby instead, ok?) and thinking how much fun it would be to have a baby then first you should consider the fact that I haven't slept longer than three hours at a stretch since my second trimester. It isn't all cuteness and giggles you know, it is also poop and vomit and so, so tired.

Anyway, Mia can get from her butt to her hands and knees and from her hands and knees back to her butt and from her tummy to her back and her back to her tummy and from her tummy to her hands and knees. I mention this only to highlight that she has mastered all the components of sitting herself up from any position, but it isn't fun so she doesn't do it. She likes to get herself down on her tummy and then scream until I either roll her over or sit her up. This? Is becoming slightly annoying.

Now, since I am tired and having some fairly serious trouble connecting words into sentences, I have decided it is somehow a good idea to tell you the most embarassing thing I can think of about myself. I think showing you all a diagram of my boob has destroyed any remaining inihibitions I may have had about humiliating myself on the internet for your edification and enjoyment. I was going to tell you about when I was 11 or 12 and my best friend and I played this game the entire point of which was to pretend that we were riding around in the A Team van and making out with various cast members. Sometimes they would jump out of the van to fight crime and we would just wait for them to get back and them make out with them some more. Why weren't we out pretending to fight crime ourselves? Because we were too busy applying powder blue eyeshadow to each other. Welcome to 1985. However, I decided not to tell you about that after all because a) I think I may have mentioned it before, and b) I can think of much more embarassing things.

The most embarassing thing I can think of, at the moment at least, is actually somewhat similar and of roughly the same vintage, although I think I may have been only 10 or so. At 10, I was still forced by my draconian parents to go to bed at 8:00 every night, which invariably led to my lying awake for hours trying to amuse myself until I got tired. Amusing myself frequently took the form of developing these very elaborate, well, I suppose you would have to call them sexual fantasies of a sort, although I was a fairly sheltered 10 year old so they were exceedingly tame. Anyway, I would lie there and plot out these scenarios where I (gasp) went on a date with someone and then (egad) kissed him. Occaionally it would escalate and I would come up with a situation where some critical item accidentally fell down my shirt and whoever it was was forced to retrieve it, which is especially laughable since we all know I've never had any boobs to speak of.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking this is not so bad. You are probably even thinking that you did very similar things as a child and I should go back to talking about walking around churches when I have forgotten to put my boob away. (You are also probably thinking that I talk about my boobs really alot which, I know, what the heck is up with that?) But hold your horses, internet, as I have not gotten to the embarassing part yet.

You see, these little pre-teen fantasies to which I dedicated so many hours of my young life invariably starred...

... you know, now that I'm here, I'm not so sure I want to admit this...

... ok, fine, you really want to know? I mean, you've read through the whole story and it's time to get to the punch line already...

... so here goes...

... deep breath...

... these little pre-teen fantasies invariably starred the cast (or parts of it anyway) of the Love Boat.

Oh shut up. Shut up! If you are going to laugh at me like that, I'm not going to tell you things anymore. What, like you don't have anything embarassing in your past? Sure you do, you just aren't as tired as I am so you don't write about it on the internet.

Comments (40)

I liked Gopher.

But the main star of my teen fantasies (in which I was babysitting during a snow storm, and who should knock on my door and need shelter?) was John Cusack.

EGADS!!! j/k... hey, I'm not one to judge. I was the girl making out with the poster of Joey from New Kids on the Block each night before bedtime. Seriously... there was some hot lip on lip action going on after bedtime in my room... :)


[I was named after a porn-star who had a guest appearance on the Love Boat. Her fictional name was Holly. My dad liked it (and I'm sure he liked porn), so that's my name.]

I was raised without a TV, so I've never really seen "The Love Boat". That being said...I'm sure they were all HOTT and totally worthy of your 10 year old dreams!!

Corinne, you have totally stolen my fake boyfriend. Joey was MINE.

I did move on to other men -- like John Stamos and Chuck Knobloch. And Joey moved on to.... Dancing with the Stars.

Anyway, Beth -- all things considered, you could've done worse.

oh no you need to be more specific and name the cast members that most often appeared in your fantasies....

Okay....i did too have little fantasies but my hotty was the blonde highway patrol officer Jon Baker on the TV show CHiPs. Oh...I also thought paramedic John Gage from Emergency! was dreamy. Okay....tell us....Gopher was your man...wasnt he????

Mine must have been movie stars because we didn't have t.v. until I was 14 or so and anyhow who gets a crush on Howdy Doodie?

My favorite way back then was always Burt Lancaster. Does that date me or what?

Ok, that's no worse than me and my best friend singing the them to the Love Boat under the window of our friend's brother at 6 a.m. during a slumber party. I wish I could say that experience was a bad dream. ;)
And since you mentioned the A-Team, I'm gonna share this little Mr. T. gem with you all. I blogged it on my own site, but since you don't know where it is ;) I'll share it here too.

You've given me shameful flashbacks. When I was that age, my best friend and I would stand on my mom's bed and pretend we were giving a smootch to...Davy from The Monkees TV Show. Then we would sigh and fall backwards onto the bed in fits of giggles.

Oh. My. God.

Oh Please... Everyone knows you need someone well rounded. Like Shaun Cassidy... Hardy Boy, Singing Sensation... Sigh...

I saved all mine for The Monkeys. Davey Jones... *swoon*

only the younger Davey, of course.

Ack! 80's memories thudding back into place... I *loved* the A-team, Face was definitely my guy from that, but for all time 80's TV boyfriends, it was a tossup between John Schneider from Dukes of Hazzard, and Ricky Schroeder (I still can't think of him as "Rick"). 80's and all time movie boyfriend definitely John Cusack, though... except he's gotten kind of... puffy, lately. He needs to lay off the chips, or he might not be my #1 bf anymore. :(

It was Gopher wasn't it? I had the hots for him..until that other blond guy came on (who was also on happy days and then later...married with you know who I mean?) I could probably still drum up a fantasy about him. older son is 10 and I MAKE HIM GO TO BED AT 8! Tell me honestly...was it too early for you at that age? Lay it on me know i can take it

I'll date myself by admitting to Leif Garrett, Scott Baio, Shawn Cassidy, and Willie Aames.

And that blonde guy from The Love Boat and then Happy Days? Ted McGinley - still on TV, on Hope and Faith!

Wow. There is a lot to say about this entry! First, I also have a ten year old and he goes to bed at 8:30 and 9pm on non-school nights. I need my peace and nighttime is really the only chance I can get. (he stays up too but I truly don't want to know what he is dreaming of!) Love Boat, ok, I did laugh. Sorry. It couldn't be the doc could it? That old guy!! LOL. Can I just say, not the cutest cast on TV but whatever it was your fantasy!!! LOL. Hell, I can still have fantasy's about a guy I just watched on TV last night. Back then it was definitely Shawn Cassidy, Scott Biao, and that doc on that hospital show...the one where he lived in a motor home...can't think of his name. Now, it can be anyone from Colin Firth to Owen Wilson!!!! You crack me up Beth.

Please say it was Gopher and not Doc or - ew, the Captain.

I am not enjoying these comments very much. You all are confessing to John Cusack and Jon from ChiPs? To the Duke boys? They are all hot! You want an embarrassing confession - and I only will admit this since I'm under an alias - Rick from Magnum PI. What a girly man. But he was MY girly man.

And for the record, it is a well known (to ultimate nerds like me) that Ted McGinley is the cause of most of his shows to jump the shark. Happy Days, Married with Children, Sports Night. He is sitcom poison. Hope and Faith must be a pretty good show. Not that I watch much TV. Or read websites about TV. Or anything like that. Sheesh! Whose THAT nerdy? ::casting eyes downward::

Just so you know, I was only laughing for a few minutes. Not long at all. And mine was and still is WIll Smith. But not the Hot man you see now on Bad Boys and shit, but the geeky teen version. Talk about bad. You did make me laught though. And I think talking about your boobs is normal when you are seeing them all the time. My friend does the same thing. I didn't, but I didn't breastfeed either. And just to put your mind at ease, Mia will sit up eventually on her own. And crawl. And one day she'll even walk and talk and you'll spend the rest of your days trying to get her to sit and be quiet for just one tiny moment. She is probably just frustrated cause she can't crawl yet.

Not having grown up with tv or even many movies, my sister and I would pretend that we were mermaids and we would make out with the side of the swimming pool pretending that it was our merman boyfriends. It included a lot of swimming with our legs together and flipping our hair. This was even pre-The Little Mermaid.

Am I the only Batterstar Galactica fan out there? I LOVED Dirk Benedict - maybe it was that bad boy attitude - hmmmmmm

Gopher was a hottie. Gopher and Radar from M*A*S*H were my fantasy guys. :)

After reading the first part of your post I thought you were going to say that you were expecting again. Then, I read almost your entire post, but I was so tired that I stopped. Sorry - I'm tired too =(

Was the cruise director involved? What about Isaac? Because I always kinda pictured the two of them together ... you?

Mine usually began with Scott Baio. I think that's plenty embarassing ...

One word: Chachi.

For once, I really can't comment.

I've never seen the Love Boat.

You know - as a kid, I thought Gopher was especially cute. As an adult, I'd be all over Captain Merrill Stubing. Yes, yes, I remembered his name. Well, I had to look up the spelling of Stubing, which reminded me that his first name was Merrill. Hey, do you remember the tension that used to go on between he and Julie, your cruise director, from time to time? And then I would always follow The Love Boat with a Fantasy Island chaser. That Ricardo Montalban...rrrrRRRRR!!! You think I'm kidding? Not on your life, sister! I hope that my blatant admission of geekdom has somehow eased your embarassment. By the way - for me it was Dukes of Hazard, not The A-Team. And my best friend, Ann, and I would fight over who "got" if we'd have known what do do with him had we "gotten" him.

Oh honey, I was more into Doc than I should probably admit. And I wanted to BE Julie, your ship's cruise director.

I won't even discuss my circa 1983/1984 love affair with Michael Jackson and the associated fantasy, in which after meeting me, he got up on stage and sang "Beat It" to Brooke Shields (who his PR team had him "dating" at the time) and she stormed off crying, and I got to marry him. Nope, not going to tell you about that one at all.

Oy! I feel your girlfriends and I used to pretend we were dancing with the Love Boat cast on the basement support poles.

I think all my preteen crushes were over Corey Haines and Corey Feldman. Never after anyone on the Loveboat but now that you've mentioned that show I'll have that theme song in my head all day. Thanks!! (meaning that sarcastically of course)

my preteen lust list is long and possibly somewhat embarrassing...kirk cameron, michael j. fox, mackenzie and sean astin, ralph macchio, corey haim, ricky shroeder, chad allen (gay), kid from who's the boss (gay)

My preteen love was Chad Allen - imagine my surprise years later that my heart throb was not interested in the gangs of girls that were throwing themselves all over him!

BTW- Im tired too, soooo tired. I agree that anyone who thinks that babies are all cute clothes and baby powder smells should really reconsider their motherhood dreams BEFORE they turn into nightmares! Its really all worth it in the end though;)

Join the tired club. And my daughter is 29. It's Hubby keeping me up nights since his knee surgery!
Ok I got you beat with the weird bedtime fantasy thing. I came from such a strange home I used to go to bed and lie very still and practice how I'd look in my coffin! Now that is pretty dark and weird for a ten year old. Needless to say, I fell asleep pretty quickly lying still like that. But really, I think that tops it.

I'm sorry... I laughed.

I got to stay up till 9 on Fridays to watch the Dukes of Hazzard but then had to go to bed at 7 on Sundays. Talk about cruel. I spent many wide awake hours thinking about John Schneider.

My son has gone to bed every night at 10 since he was around 2 when he stopped taking naps.

how did I miss the boob diagram?

i used to have similar dreams about Bo and Luke Duke...

we all have our secret shames...

I loved Gopher too , looking back I am really glad my taste in men changed rofl....

I loved Gopher too , looking back I am really glad my taste in men changed rofl....

Thanks for that laugh Beth...honestly I wasn't laughing until I read the words "Love Boat". Thanks for that.

I used to pretend that the boy I liked at the time had a mini camera and would watch me all the time. Strange and embarrasing. The Love Boat. It could have been Sesame Street? ;-)

Confess away.

I pretended my cabbage patch and two troll dolls all had different fathers...dylan from beverley hills 90210...and this one singer who dissapeared off the face of the earth and im too embarassed to mention...all this went on while in bed trying to fall asleep

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