We named Pixel after the kitten in the Robert Heinlein book who walked through walls because he didn't know that he couldn't. He walked into our apartment one day 12 years ago and curled up in a chair and decided to stay, so it seemed appropriate. He was literally starving when we got him, and even on a steady diet of cat food four times a day he would still stalk and eat french fries, pizza, tortilla chips, cheese and doughnuts. At one point he tipped the scales at somewhere north of 18 pounds, but lately he was just a bit more than eight. He mellowed a bit the last few years, but you still had to watch yourself around him as he never fully got over his time as a stray and having to fight for his life and he could take a chunk out of you when the mood struck. He's the only cat I have ever known who came when you called him.
Pixel did not do well after the surgery yesterday. It seems he had a pretty nasty infection hiding in his lymphnodes along with the cancer and overnight the infection took over. This morning, we had to decide whether to keep going with treatments that might buy us a little time, might even buy us enough time to treat the likely very advanced cancer and possibly get Pixel another six months, or to just let him go. We decided to let him go. A little while ago, we sent him off to find Callie.
I want our cats back now, please.
Comments (142)
I'm so sorry, Beth. I wish our friends could stay with us forever.
Posted by ben | April 26, 2006 1:29 PM
I am so sorry, Beth. This is making ME hurt and cry, so I can't even imagine the pain and loss you feel right now. This is devastating. Truly, truly sorry. (((hug)))
Posted by Ms. Q | April 26, 2006 1:31 PM
I am so sorry.
Posted by witchy_puppy | April 26, 2006 1:31 PM
Oh Beth I'm so sorry that you lost both of them, and so close together. I'm thinking about you guys.
Posted by Laura | April 26, 2006 1:32 PM
Oh God. I am so sorry.
Posted by Jen | April 26, 2006 1:33 PM
I'm sorry. So very sorry.
Posted by Julie | April 26, 2006 1:35 PM
This entry and PMS are not a good combo. I am so so so incredibly sorry. My heart is breaking for you and Chris....
Posted by Lisa | April 26, 2006 1:38 PM
Oh Beth, I am so so sorry. It just isn't fair. Snuggle Mia extra tight today.
Posted by erin | April 26, 2006 1:39 PM
I knew when I saw you and Chris up on my RSS reader just now that something had gone wrong with Pixel. This is me hugging you and hoping things start looking up soon!
Posted by mom on a wire | April 26, 2006 1:39 PM
I'm so sorry. What a terrible loss.
Posted by marymuses | April 26, 2006 1:39 PM
{{{{{huuuuuuuuug}}}}}
gadamn, no fair no fair.
If it is any consolation, my coworkers must think I'm crazy for sitting here with tears streaming down my face.
Oh Beth, "the pooh" goes on, another cat or 3 will wander into your life, and this will happen very soon.
Posted by Betti | April 26, 2006 1:41 PM
I am so sorry.
Posted by Busy Mom | April 26, 2006 1:42 PM
Oh man, I am so, so sorry for you all. That's just not fair.
Pixel's story sounds a lot like my Gracie's and they even look alike. I think I need to get both my cats in for check-ups.
Posted by Beth in StL | April 26, 2006 1:44 PM
I am so so sorry. I can't imagine how much you guys must be hurting. Take comfort knowing that Callie and Pixel will be together again, now.
Posted by Kell | April 26, 2006 1:48 PM
I feel so sorry for you guys! That's rough.
Posted by Jessie | April 26, 2006 1:50 PM
I said this on Chris' blod, and I'll echo it here-
Oh, Beth, my heart breaks for you and Chris. To lose both cats so close together is horrible for you and little Mia, who doesn't understand.
My thoughts are with you.
Posted by Jodi | April 26, 2006 1:55 PM
Oh god, that sucks so much. I know it doesn't help, but I'm sitting here now with tears rolling down my cheeks. I really feel for you.
I am sure that Callie and Pixel are curled up somewhere together now, sleeping.
Posted by Katia | April 26, 2006 1:55 PM
I can't imagine. I wish you all well with your healing.
Posted by jaime | April 26, 2006 1:57 PM
i can't stop crying.
Posted by RzDrms | April 26, 2006 1:58 PM
I just came over from Rude Cactus where I left an overly long comment. I don't cry much but I have tears in my eyes for your pain and my memories of kitties I want back.
The girls believe in a kitty heaven with lots of grass and trees, yummy food. All of our past kitties will meet up there and best of all, no dogs. They have their own.
Much love,
Ann
Posted by ann adams | April 26, 2006 2:06 PM
I'm so sorry. Losing a pet is so hard but 2 so close just sucks.
Posted by Jules | April 26, 2006 2:07 PM
I'm so sorry for all of you. No matter how long family members are around, it's never long enough.
Posted by Melissa S | April 26, 2006 2:07 PM
I want your cats back now, too. :( *hugs* I'm sorry, hun. :(
Posted by Manda | April 26, 2006 2:08 PM
I am almost crying after reading your post and Chris'. I'm so sorry. This is just not fair. I'm proud of you for making the really tough but humane decision. I'm thinking of you.
Posted by donna | April 26, 2006 2:10 PM
oh no i'm so sorry beth. *big hug*
Posted by averil | April 26, 2006 2:12 PM
I'm thinking of you.
Posted by MoMMY | April 26, 2006 2:15 PM
Here's to Pixel and Callie...I hope they're tearin' it up together up there. I'm so sorry for you guys.
Posted by Pammer | April 26, 2006 2:17 PM
I'm sorry, Beth...so, so sorry. They must have needed each other more than we can understand. It's not fair.
Posted by JuJuBee | April 26, 2006 2:19 PM
Oh, I'm so sorry, Honey. That's so very, very unfair.
Posted by Emily | April 26, 2006 2:25 PM
That last sentence made me cry. I'm so sorry.
Posted by samantha | April 26, 2006 2:28 PM
I'm really sorry for your losses. It just isn't fair.
Posted by Sarah | April 26, 2006 2:30 PM
oh man. this one hit home. we just put one of my cats to sleep two weeks ago -- he was on his third hunger strike in 9 months and I just couldn't do the force feedings to get him back to health again. I suspected that he didn't react well to our baby (who is now 8 weeks old), or more specifically to the fact that I was too busy with the baby to coddle him like I used to. He had a hard time with stress. When he was put down, the vet said that he felt a mass in his stomach, so maybe it was cancer afterall. Who knows. I'm sad that Bennett won't ever get to play with him; he was a great cat.
I'm sorry that you lost your little guy.
Posted by lori | April 26, 2006 2:31 PM
Oh, Beth. My sweet friend. I'm so, so sorry. I don't even know what to say, except for I'm sorry.
Posted by Sherry | April 26, 2006 2:34 PM
I'm so very sorry. I will kick the powers that be if I ever see them.
Posted by erika | April 26, 2006 2:42 PM
the universe is mighty unfair sometimes. My sympathies to you, chris and mia.
I hope pixel and callie, where ever they are, are warm and curled up together.
Posted by suze | April 26, 2006 2:42 PM
Damn girl, I'm sorry.
Posted by Sheryl | April 26, 2006 2:44 PM
I am so very, very sorry, Beth. You made the right decision but damn what a horrible one it must have been to make. Losing two family members so close together is very sad.
We are all so very sorry for your family's loss.
Posted by Jacqueline | April 26, 2006 2:45 PM
I'm so sorry. Lots and lots of hugs.
Posted by Traci | April 26, 2006 2:55 PM
I am very sorry for your loss.
Posted by fauve | April 26, 2006 2:55 PM
oh Beth. i am so so sorry. my heart breaks for you. no one should have to go through this so close together.
Posted by monique | April 26, 2006 2:56 PM
That is just so unfair. I am sorry. So, so sorry.
Posted by Nicole | April 26, 2006 3:05 PM
my heart is breaking for you, Beth.
Posted by ali | April 26, 2006 3:13 PM
Wow. I am so sorry.
Posted by Robyn | April 26, 2006 3:14 PM
I'm so sorry for you all. I'm crying over your lost kitties, too. I wish I could say something to make it better, but I know it doesn't work like that. So sorry.
Posted by Kate the Shrew | April 26, 2006 3:14 PM
Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry. My heart is breaking along with yours. How awful it is to say goodbye to our beloved pets. There will be others who will come into your life and make you smile again, but right now, I know that doesn't help.
All I can do is send you a big {{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}
Posted by Maribeth | April 26, 2006 3:14 PM
This is so not fair. And I'm really sorry you both had to go through this again. Pixel was beautiful.
Posted by Vicky (Desperate to be a Housewife) | April 26, 2006 3:14 PM
My God you guys. I am So Sorry this is happening again, so soon. Putting all religious beliefs aside, I believe in the Rainbow Bridge and I believe Pixel is there now, with Callie, basking in the sunlight.
Im crying.
Posted by alfredsmom | April 26, 2006 3:16 PM
I'm so sorry.
Posted by Jaycie | April 26, 2006 3:20 PM
I'm so so very sorry for your loss. This is just so unfair. Maybe Pixel just missed Callie so much it was time to go find her. I don't know, I just know that this sucks. We'll be keeping you in our thoughts.
Posted by Elaine | April 26, 2006 3:21 PM
Oh hon, I am so sorry...
Posted by Amber | April 26, 2006 3:22 PM
Oh Beth, I am so, so sorry. *huge hugs*
Posted by ku nkiko | April 26, 2006 3:33 PM
So sorry to read this, at least he isn't in pain anymore.
Posted by Katherine | April 26, 2006 3:43 PM
I'm so sorry Beth. We've had to make that desicion too and it's never easy.
Posted by Sherri | April 26, 2006 3:45 PM
Beth I'm so sorry for you all. That's so rough, especially so close together.
Posted by hannah | April 26, 2006 3:46 PM
As I commented on Cactus' site, I am so sorry for your family's loss!!
Posted by Liberal Banana | April 26, 2006 3:55 PM
Oh, I'm so sorry. Take care.
Posted by Sara | April 26, 2006 4:02 PM
This is so not fair. He looks just like my dear, departed Zelda in that picture, which only made me cry even more than your sweet post already had. I am truly, deeply sorry, Beth. I hope that Pixel is happily cavorting with Callie and Zelda, and all the other cool kitties, wherever they may snooze. My sincere condolences for your loss. *sniff*
Posted by shelley | April 26, 2006 4:07 PM
You've had more than your fair share. My thoughts are with you.
Posted by Liz | April 26, 2006 4:18 PM
I'm so sorry Beth, it must be so tough losing both of the cats so close together. Best wishes to all of you.
Posted by Kerry | April 26, 2006 4:19 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Posted by Jenny | April 26, 2006 4:22 PM
I am so sorry. I know it's awful.
Posted by Alissa | April 26, 2006 4:23 PM
I am so sorry.
Posted by JJ | April 26, 2006 4:25 PM
Oh, god. I have serious tears for you guys.
Posted by Jodi | April 26, 2006 4:28 PM
Well, shit. This really, really sucks Beth. Which you know. Oh geez. I'm so, so sorry.
Posted by Heather | April 26, 2006 4:46 PM
I'm so sorry, Beth. It's very obvious that you took wonderful care of both Pixel and Callie. You gave them each a lovely life, and dignified exits. I hope the hurting fades very soon.
Posted by Vaguely Urban | April 26, 2006 5:21 PM
Oh no! That's SO not fair.
Not fai
Posted by Pamalamadingdong | April 26, 2006 5:25 PM
(oops Noah hit the enter key)
not fair at all
Posted by Pamalamadingdong | April 26, 2006 5:26 PM
I am very sorry about Pixel. I was sure that your next post about him would be happier. You did the right thing even though saying goodbye is so sad.
Posted by Irene | April 26, 2006 5:48 PM
SHit girl, that sucks so bad. I'm very sorry for you, Chris and Mia.
Hugs.
Posted by Melissa | April 26, 2006 5:50 PM
I am so sorry for your loss.
Posted by angela | April 26, 2006 5:55 PM
God, I am so sorry...that is so awful, to lose both of them in such a short amount of time. At least Pixel and Callie both lived long enough for Mia to meet them.
Posted by Ryan | April 26, 2006 6:02 PM
When I saw your post I was hoping it wasn't what I thought it was. I'm so sorry it was. I'd be completely crushed if I were you. I'll hug our animals extra tight tonight and am so very sorry for your loss.
Posted by Heather | April 26, 2006 6:07 PM
Beth, I am so sorry. I wish I could give you your cats back.
Posted by keepergirl | April 26, 2006 6:20 PM
I'm so sorry you guys.
Posted by Rhonda | April 26, 2006 6:29 PM
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this again so soon :(
Posted by Emily | April 26, 2006 6:56 PM
So sorry.
Posted by Susan | April 26, 2006 6:59 PM
Sorry for another loss. I'm sure Pixel is with Callie now, chasing mice. Peace.
Posted by Milly | April 26, 2006 7:00 PM
I'm so sorry, Beth.
Posted by bmh | April 26, 2006 7:33 PM
Oh, gosh! That suck! I'm so so sorry. Callie & PIxel up in Heaven together.
Posted by Magnolia Mom | April 26, 2006 7:37 PM
the same thing i told chris...i can't imagine losing two pets in such a short time. i hope they are happy together now...
Posted by tiffanie | April 26, 2006 7:44 PM
I realize that I don't "know" you but I am still crying. I gave my cat an extra hug and I didn't even yell when I found a surprise in my new shoes.
Posted by Dee | April 26, 2006 8:16 PM
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Posted by patricia | April 26, 2006 8:44 PM
Pixel, Callie, and the entire Cactus-Fish family are in our thoughts...
Posted by Liz | April 26, 2006 8:57 PM
Oh goodness Beth, this is just horrible. I am so very sorry.
Posted by Emily | April 26, 2006 9:08 PM
so sorry for your loss....
Posted by ::c:: | April 26, 2006 9:30 PM
I'm so sorry this had to happen on the heels of Callie. So, so, so sorry. I hope that someday, when the pain fades a little, that you are able to be as excellent of a pet-mommy to another feline baby--not to replace these two, but because you so obviously love having cats around and they love you. So, so sorry that you have to go through this.
Posted by wavybrains | April 26, 2006 9:37 PM
Beth... I'm so, so very sorry about your loss. My heart is breaking for you guys. Please let me know if you need anything.
Posted by Corinne | April 26, 2006 9:49 PM
NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! God I'm SO SORRY. Totally not fair. Not one bit. Going to hug my really old cat now...
Posted by kara | April 26, 2006 10:03 PM
I'm so sorry to hear this. I had no idea your kitty was so sick. You made the right decision in letting Pixel go. I hope you and your family heal quickly from this.
Posted by haley-o | April 26, 2006 10:08 PM
This is not fair. Not at all. I'm so sorry, Beth. It's so soon after Callie for you to have to deal with another loss. I hope you guys feel better. I think Pixel may have just missed Callie too much. You guys are in my thoughts.
Posted by catbird | April 26, 2006 10:31 PM
I am so sorry.
Posted by Beth | April 26, 2006 10:35 PM
Very sorry, Beth. :(
Posted by Jon in Michigan | April 26, 2006 11:48 PM
I'm so sorry, Beth.
Posted by Kathryn | April 27, 2006 12:01 AM
So sorry Beth, take care hun.
Posted by Mary Jo | April 27, 2006 12:10 AM
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. It is so incredibly hard to lose a pet!!! My heart goes out to you...
Posted by Natalie | April 27, 2006 12:29 AM
so sorry to hear this news. At least you have alot of good memories.
Posted by kristied | April 27, 2006 12:50 AM
I just had to go and hug my cats. I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you and Chris many hugs.
Posted by jayne d'Arcy | April 27, 2006 12:52 AM
Hugs...I know how much this hurts...and I know it isn't right that the world keeps going on...when it stopped in a moment in time for you... Know that so many of us care...and that we will miss the furry baby stories!
Posted by Gypsy | April 27, 2006 1:16 AM
I can't fathom how horrible it would feel to lose my 2 kitties - you must be devestated. I was very sad indeed to hear that you'd lost Pixel, too.
Posted by Kristina | April 27, 2006 2:46 AM
I'm so sorry. It's even worse that you lost them so close together. Your post made me cry because it's just so sad and you're very right -- it's just not fucking fair. I hope you feel better soon... my warmest regards.
Posted by Jennie | April 27, 2006 3:56 AM
I'm sorry Beth....
Posted by Snapper | April 27, 2006 5:54 AM
Beth, I am so sorry.
Posted by Kate | April 27, 2006 6:47 AM
Beth, I am so sorry.
Posted by Kate | April 27, 2006 6:47 AM
I am so very sorry. I know that Callie and Pixel are up there watching over all 3 of you.
Hugs!
Posted by Wicked H | April 27, 2006 6:55 AM
I am so sorry for your family having to lose two of your best friends. Know that they are together and will be waiting for you when you get there. They may even come visit to make sure you are okay.
This is so sad! Having lost my dog years ago (which I have never gotten over) I don't even want to think about losing any of my kitties. I don't think I could deal with the loss of two babies, let along three, in such a short time from each other. My condolences!
Posted by Red | April 27, 2006 8:40 AM
There's no words... simply sorry for the loss of your friend...
Posted by Stephanie | April 27, 2006 8:41 AM
I'm so sorry for you. I can't even imagine what it's like for you to have lost both furry friends in such a short time.
Posted by Jen | April 27, 2006 9:08 AM
Beth, I'm so sorry about Pixel. I can't imagine losing two cats like you have so close to each other. Thinking of you.
Posted by kelly | April 27, 2006 9:44 AM
Beth, this makes me cry. I am so very sorry. It is a strange thing how things work out. I heard a very sad story the other day about young twins dieing within two days of each other...and now this. It seems to me that sometimes there are people (or cats) who are linked in very special ways, and even death cannot seperate them. Maybe his time really came now, because he needed to go find Callie. It doesn't make it any easier on you, and for that I am so very sorry...try to take comfort that they have each other now. Thinking of you...
Posted by Summer | April 27, 2006 9:55 AM
SO.FLUFFIN.UNFAIR to lose them so close together.
Unsolicited advice warning: wait a little while before you replace them.
Posted by speckledpup | April 27, 2006 10:06 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. That is rotten that your two fury friends are gone in just a few months. I am glad you have Mia to distract you!
Posted by Krista | April 27, 2006 10:20 AM
I am so very sorry for your loss.
Posted by kim | April 27, 2006 10:21 AM
Oh Beth, my heart aches reading this. I am so desperately sorry for your loss. To lose two pets within such a short period of time must be so difficult. I don't know what else to say, but you have my thoughts and prayers.
Jean
Posted by Jean | April 27, 2006 10:26 AM
Oh Beth I am really so sorry. There aren't words to express anything really helpful here. Sorry, it sucks, my heart is with you.
Posted by wn | April 27, 2006 10:46 AM
I'm so sorry.
Posted by wordgirl | April 27, 2006 10:50 AM
Beth, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It sucks when you lose a furry baby... many hugs for the Cactus-Fish family.
Posted by Karen | April 27, 2006 10:56 AM
:(
I'm so sorry Beth. I know how hard it is to lose a kitty, but two? Big {{hugs}}.
Posted by Bella | April 27, 2006 10:57 AM
I just feel so sad for you guys. It's not fair to lose two beloved pets so close together.
Posted by bad penguin | April 27, 2006 11:02 AM
OMG, you guys! I'm so sorry this happened! You've had a really rough spring. I hope the rest of the year treats you more kindly.
Posted by kristie | April 27, 2006 11:30 AM
Oh Beth, my heart hurts for you. I'm so so so sorry.
Posted by halloweenlover | April 27, 2006 11:31 AM
I'm crying for you inside, and trying desperately not to cry outside (might startle my colleague) - oh Beth, I'm so, so sorry.
I could say all the normal corny things that people say trying to comfort one another but I won't. Instead, my email address is Alice.Collison@bigroup.co.uk and if you want to (you don't have to, this is just in case you do want to) you can email me and shout and scream and swear and cry and say anything you want and I will listen. I won't interrupt and tell you I know how you feel, or tell you my own stories about losing my loved ones because that probably, almost certainly, isn't what you need right now. What you need is people who will just listen and be there, and I (along with all the other commenters I imagine) am here for you and willing to do just that.
*Hugs* xxx
Posted by Alice | April 27, 2006 11:33 AM
Oh, how awful, Beth. I'm so sorry.
Posted by Kris | April 27, 2006 11:34 AM
Not again! Oh Beth I'm so so sorry! I really won't say much more, I think everyone else has said enough. Big Hugs to both of you.
Posted by Sabrina | April 27, 2006 12:45 PM
I am so very sorry.
Posted by Shelly | April 27, 2006 1:22 PM
Aww I am so sorry. I'm crying so I can only image what you are going through.
Posted by Mindy | April 27, 2006 1:24 PM
I'm so sorry, honey.
Posted by Karen | April 27, 2006 3:46 PM
Awww, I'm SO sorry hon'. Hugs to you & your family!
Posted by Sweety | April 27, 2006 3:50 PM
I'm so sorry, Beth. :( That is SOOO sad. Hang in there.
Posted by Jaime | April 27, 2006 4:11 PM
My sympathies...I'm so sorry for your family's loss.
Posted by Mel | April 27, 2006 6:19 PM
I'm so sorry for your family's loss. Having been there myself, I know how difficult it is.
My thoughts and hugs are with you guys.
Shash
Posted by Shash | April 27, 2006 6:32 PM
I'm really sorry...
Posted by Jenn | April 27, 2006 8:00 PM
Oh Beth, I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart is breaking and I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I hope that Pixel & Callie can reunite soon and share the good sleeping spots.
Posted by carrster | April 27, 2006 8:04 PM
I'm sorry, Beth. Evidently, my powers with the universe did not work.
Posted by Stephanie | April 27, 2006 9:33 PM
I don't know if you'll remember me or not, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry about Pixel.
I hate that you're hurting so much.
Posted by New Jan Brady (Lauren) | April 27, 2006 10:24 PM
I am so sorry for your loss, Beth. Wonderful name for a great cat, no doubt. Pixel reminds me a lot of my Bear, whom we had to let go two years ago. (I miss the picture you used to have of him on the site.)
Posted by Paulette | April 28, 2006 12:12 AM
I'm so very sorry.
Posted by iheartnewyork | April 28, 2006 8:16 AM
I feel for your loss, having lost Watson two years ago to stomach cancer. I hope you have found the poem Rainbow Bridge on the Internet. Instead I offer you this:
"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temorary than our own live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept is awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan..."
The once Again Prince "From Separate Life Times" Irving Townsend
Feel free to write and we can talk about your cats, whenever you'd like.
Posted by Monty | April 28, 2006 1:24 PM
I'm so sorry.
Posted by liz | April 28, 2006 11:45 PM
I am so sorry. It's awful. We lost our dog of 12 years in February to cancer. Almost a year to the day when my favorite cat, that I had had for 14 years (longer than the kids, she was my first baby) lost her fight with kidney disease.
They really get under your skin, don't they? At least now Callie has a friend up there.
Again, I am sorry.
Posted by TLC | April 29, 2006 4:47 AM
Oh my gosh...I've been a little behind in your blog and just found out about pixel...that is NOT FAIR. I am so, so sorry.
*cries*
Jessica
Posted by Jessica | April 29, 2006 12:36 PM
i HATE that this happened to you guys this past month. people without pets in their lives just wouldn't be able to understand how a tiny piece of yourself would have to be cut away to say goodbye to them.
so sorry. :(
Posted by Sarcomical | April 30, 2006 11:06 AM
I'm so sorry. I hope they found each other and having a great time.
Posted by Katy | May 1, 2006 11:24 AM