Because I love you, I have decided to give you some helpful tips of things you should do.
1. If you are having a really crappy week, because, say, you just had to put a cat to sleep for the second time in a little over a month, you should take some pictures of yourself, photoshop the everloving crap out of them, and then post them on the internet and whine about your nose. Because then people will say nice things to you and tell you that you are pretty because, hey, they feel sorry for you and who wants to kick a girl when she's down.
2. If you decide to use a lipstick that is, no lie, 10 years old and feels like rubbing your lips with sandpaper, you should get out the white lip gloss that for some unknown reason came in a pack of Bobbi Brown lipgloss that your mother-in-law gave you and put it on on top of the 10 year old lipstick. Your lips will still be sandpaper dry and scratchy underneath, but nice and shiny on top. Also, if anybody knows what's up with white lipgloss and wants to enlighten me, that would be cool.
3. Also when posting pictures of yourself on the internet, you should say that you just brushed your hair and put on lipstick when actually you straightened your hair with a flat iron and put on foundation, bronzer, blush, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, powder, lipstick and lip gloss, because that way you will seem less vain. Oh, and then see above about photoshopping the everloving crap out of the pictures.
4. If you have pictures of yourself that are, shall we say, compromising (not that I do, of course, but possibly you do), you should not file those pictures with your other, regular, pictures, because coming across such things unawares can be quite a shock to the system. And also it will piss you off because look how much thinner you used to be! You know, I assume anyway. Can't say I know from personal experience.
5. If you have a newspaper subscription, every time you get your bill you should call and say you want to cancel, because then they will give you another 10 weeks for $20 to keep you from cancelling and as far as I can tell they will do this forever. Do you think this makes me a bad person?