This is hard to talk about. I've been avoiding it because it is personal and also because I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings or start some sort of public feud with blame and recriminations. But, this has been on my mind for a long time now and I don't want to keep it a secret anymore, so I am going to just have to trust that those involved can be adult and put their hurt feelings behind them and see that I really only want what is best for all of us.
I've been thinking about getting a new Pretend Celebrity Boyfriend.
Now, don't get me wrong, Clive has been a great Pretend Celebrity Boyfriend. Since we've been together, his career has really taken off, which of course increases the cache for me. It's just that, well, look:
See, in the first few weeks after Mia was born, I watched Sex and the City while I was nursing, and ever since then I've been thinking I needed to develop a deep and meaningful relationship with Blair Underwood. So I decided I would list the pros and cons, and you can all help me decide. Here we go:
Check out those eyes
And the chin
And oh my god, the dimples
Has a little bit of that bad boy mystique
British, therefore, accent, therefore, hott
Doesn't he just look like he would be good in bed?
Um, let's get back to this. I'm sure I'll think of something.
Built. I mean seriously, have you seen this guy? Built.
The facial hair. Usually I hate, but on him, love.
Fabulous, um, fabulous.
Don't you just want to lick him?
Gosh, stumped again.
So, what do you think? Clive? Blair? (Why do I like guys with sissy names?) Oh! Here's a thought! Can I have both? Please? I'll take very good care of them, I promise.
Sigh. What a decision.