It's audience participation day here in Fishtown. I figured I would ask you to answer the current burning questions of my life, and if you answer you can than ask me to answer one of your burning questions. (Other than "why does it burn when I pee?" because I'm not that kind of girl.) Here we go!
1. My kitchen sink smells like something crawled in there and died. I have tried vinegar, lemons, limes, cilantro and parsley and it still reeks. Any ideas other than scrubbing it out with my husband's toothbrush?
2. I got a sexy new cell phone, because apparently the best way to handle financing your vet's purchase of a new mercedes is to spend even more money and be even more broke. I don't believe in doing things half-assed, it's whole-assed or nothing around here. Anyway, the sexy new cell phone is vastly superior to my old cell phone in that it a) rings when someone calls me, b) holds a charge for longer than four and a half minutes, c) does not suffer repeated nervous breakdowns causing it to delete my address book and claim that I have never made a phone call of any kind, ever. The thing that sucks is that it has really boring ringtones. So, what should I use as the ringtone for my sexy new cell phone.
3. I decided not to post this one after all, because it was offensive. So, make up your own offensive question and answer it, if you wanna.
4. What's better for a teething baby: bourbon, whisky, or vodka?
5. Have y'all ever used any of that self-tanning stuff? Is any of it any good? See, if I go out in the sun for more than three minutes I burn to a crisp, but I expect to be spending a lot of time at the pool with Mia this summer and I have to wear a two-piece bathing suit because I have the longest torso known to man and I figure if I must expose my flabby belly in public it should at least be a more acceptable shade, meaning something between "ghost dipped in clorox" and "angry lobster." Any suggestions? Keeping in mind that I am also blessed with skin so sensitive that if you look at me cross-eyed I will break out in a rash?