(Mia Monday is coming later. I just got her to sleep an hour and a half late for her morning nap, cut me some slack.)
Ages and ages ago, so it seems, I promised you news. I'm finally ready to spill the beans.
Ha, so not. Calm yourselves. Why is it that when a woman says she has news, we all jump immediately to pregnancy? With me, however, it takes an act of Congress to get me to ovulate even when I'm not breastfeeding at a near constant rate (which I am), so I think it would be best if you all just assumed from this point forward that I am not and will not become pregnant. Eventually, perhaps, you will get quite a surprise this way, but it will save you a lot of useless speculation in the meantime.
Anyway, a number of you guessed that I had somehow secured myself a book deal, which I find both incredibly sweet and also hilarious. The only thing worse than me trying to write a book would be someone trying to read a book that I had written. I have neither the talent nor the inclination, but you were very kind to suggest it. I am, however, pitching a children's book based on the adventures of my boob, so if any of you know anybody who might be interested in the project, shoot me an email, yo.
I'm stalling, have you noticed? I've been stalling because honestly I'm a little nervous about this for a number of reasons, some personal and some not. And also I'm worried I have built this up to be a much bigger deal than it really is and you are all going to say "is that all?" when I tell you about it and whoops, still stalling here. Let's just do it, shall we?
I am starting a new blog. I'll be keeping this one going, of course, but the new blog will be done for actual American money for ClubMom. I'm sure I will focus mainly on telling you even more boring details of every little thing my child does and whining that she does not sleep, so really you should all check it out. Like I said, I'm nervous about the whole thing, but I'm also excited. First of all, I am happy that after six months of sitting on the couch eating bon-bons, I am going to start contributing financially to this family again. What I will be making blogging is such a small percentage of what I was making before I quit my job that really, it is to laugh, but it makes me happy to be able to throw something into the pot. I am also thrilled beyond words at the prospect of being paid to write. Seriously? Me? Paid to write? Not even that, but paid to write pretty much whatever I want? I can't even remember how long this has been an unobtainable fantasy for me. Possibly since the first time I put crayon to paper.
So, that's the news. I'll be pimping the link as soon as I have it and I hope that some of you will at least check it out because I am a little concerned (or terrified) that I will throw this new blog and nobody will come and then the people who hired me will laugh at me and demand their money back and also probably steal some of my shoes.
I'm excited, really I am. But I'm also a worrier, and a fretter, and a worst case scenario-er, and a nobody really loves me-er, so all that tends to temper the excitement a bit. And please don't leave me comments that say "God, Beth! Like anybody would willingly sit through even more of your ungrammatical, poorly punctuated, yammerings!" because that would make me cry and when I cry my nose runs like crazy and it just isn't attractive and I have people coming for lunch today. Thanks.