so the fish said

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Colons

What I have: Pityriasis rosea. (No! For the love of dog, do not goooogle it! You did, didn't you? And now you are grossed out. I don't look like that! On me, it looks totally sexy.)
And the winner is: The beautiful and intelligent Pammer.
And she wins: I dunno. Something or other.
What I tell people I have when they say "ew, what the hell is that?": Eczema.
What I am glad I do not have: The heartbreak of psoriasis. (I don't know either. Jenn, what up wit dat?)
What I am also glad I do not have: Like, ringworm, you know?
What I am additionally glad I do not have: Syphillis. Although it looked sorta fun on that one episide of House, I think I would have some serious splaining to do at my house.
Symptom I am happy to have so far avoided: Christmas tree patterned rash on my back.
Symptom I am least happy to claim: Polka-dot boobs. Aren't you glad you asked?
Time it takes to go away: Two months. Or six.
Next time I will most likely have sex: Two months. Or six. (See above re: polka-dot boobs. If you think that sounds hott, call me, it doesn't seem to be turning my husband on. Can't imagine why.)
Number of propositions I expect to receive from the previous statement: Two.
What I would rather be doing right now: Napping.
If given a choice between napping and an all expenses paid spa trip with manicure, pedicure, massage, and facial, I would choose: Napping.
My priorities are: Whacked.
If napping is not an option, I would rather be: Making out with you.
Because you are: Pretty.
Clearly, it is time for this post to be: Over.
Don't you: Agree?

Comments (27)

Napping - I hear ya sister!

Posted by mamacita tina | June 14, 2006 6:45 AM

I don't know, bespeckled could be the new black. See, you are a sexy trend setter!

Posted by Wicked H | June 14, 2006 7:39 AM

Now if you just wear a turtleneck I'm sure Chris will think it's safe to have sex.

Posted by Maribeth | June 14, 2006 7:45 AM

You totally make that rash look hott. Polka-dot boobs are the new navel rings. I swear. Everybody wants them. Chris just doesn't know what he's missing.

Posted by Dawnie | June 14, 2006 7:58 AM

Oh goodness . . . poor Beth is so tired that she's offering make-outs to the blogosphere? Somebody help that woman! (Um, don't change the calling me pretty part, I really needed that this morning, thank you!)

Posted by Betti | June 14, 2006 8:49 AM

Dude, is that herpes? What? Don't look at me like that, the INTERNET said it!

Posted by Fraulein N | June 14, 2006 9:51 AM

Napping rules. Napping rocks. And polka-dot boobs make you look like a fox.

Posted by O.M. | June 14, 2006 10:02 AM

ah! i totally got the heartbreak reference.

it's from grease.

Sandy: "still...i'm not a stranger to heartbreak..."
Frenchie: "why? you got psoriasis?"

Posted by ali | June 14, 2006 10:13 AM

Um... give it a few years, and a few more kids, and you'll be stretch-marked, and flabby, and the speckled boobs will be desired... by you both!

Hope the rash leaves sooner than later.

Posted by Karen | June 14, 2006 10:29 AM

Mna, that sucks. Can you cover it up when you go to the pool or does it show?

Posted by Lisa | June 14, 2006 11:03 AM

I'm not really feeling the make out session, but I'd totally nap with you. (As long as you didn't touch me, cause I mean, ewww, lil red dots.) ;)

Posted by Paige | June 14, 2006 11:35 AM

OK, I admit, I googled it. NICE. Good luck with that...yeah, a nap is always fabulous!

Posted by Natalie | June 14, 2006 11:54 AM

1. Polka dot boobs are the new black.
2. Napping rocks hardcore. Hard. Core.
3. I just want to know who is the OTHER proposition you are going to receive.
4. Thanks for the shout out!

Posted by Pammer | June 14, 2006 12:04 PM

I'll have to hold back on the making out, because you're a girl, and I'm narrow-minded like that, but I'd totally be up for a nap. :-D

Posted by Heather | June 14, 2006 12:21 PM

"What I am glad I do not have: The heartbreak of psoriasis. (I don't know either. Jenn, what up wit dat?)"

Don't you remember? The heartbreak of psoriasis? I think it might have been in the same commercial about "tetter" which was mentioned yesterday. (I forgot that it was in Grease too!)

Anyway, I have it... actually I have a particularly rare and sucky form of psoriasis called guttate psoriasis, which looks a lot like pityriasis rosea except the spots aren't just on my chest and back, they're pretty much everywhere (although it looks worst on my chest and back and belly... I know all about the polka dotted boobs.) And the spots are scaly and itchy in addition to red. Sorry if that was TMI!
It's usually triggered by strep throat (mine was.) It usually goes away within a few months as long as you get rid of the strep, unless it doesn't (which mine hasn't... I first broke out back in February.) Mine now is doing this thing where it flares up and gets better and worse for no obvious reason. It's annoying and it sucks to have to go to the pool looking like this, but I go anyway because the sun helps. Here's the REALLY sucky thing: there's nothing I can take for this right now, because I'm trying to get pregnant.

Oh, but yeah I hope polka dotted boobs are the new black... it's fabulous to have the leopard print even your lingerie is already off! And BTW, here in our house we have a little thing I like to call THE DARK... it helps tremendously when one wants to get freaky but one is feeling self-conscious about one's polka dotted boobs. And um, vodka. My drink of choice is Skyy with Mixed Berry 7-up Plus.

Your friend,
Spot

Posted by Jenn | June 14, 2006 12:45 PM

ummmmm.... yeah.!?

Posted by corinna | June 14, 2006 12:48 PM

Whah? Does your colon have a rash, too?

Posted by shelley | June 14, 2006 1:23 PM

When I read the title of this, I thought for sure you were going to talk about the colon in your body. I need a nap.

Posted by Jessica | June 14, 2006 1:27 PM

I also thought you were going to tell us something fasinating about your colon. Which I just posted about my colon so I was all "No way me AND Beth posting about colons, I am too damn cool!". But it turns out Im not.

Sorry about your rash, but have I told you how smokin hot your ass has been lookin lately???

Posted by Kelly M. | June 14, 2006 5:04 PM

Oooh, congrats on the rash diagnosis! And I am glad it's not something else.

Posted by Jen | June 14, 2006 6:47 PM

That post just made me laugh out loud.

Posted by Emily | June 14, 2006 10:06 PM

I miss sex...sigh...when does it start up again??

Posted by mrsmogul | June 15, 2006 5:49 AM

There are times when I would choose a nap over making about with my rockstar crush, Rhett Miller.

But right now is not one of those times.

(and here's hoping you've dodged the "Christmas Tree Rash", because..EWWW!)

Posted by Isabel | June 15, 2006 9:39 AM

You could always nap while having a facial. No?

Posted by Buffy | June 15, 2006 1:22 PM

be ever so thankful that it is NOT ringworm...dave and i both got it from our lovely cat and it took FOREVER to get rid of...on us AND the cat. we had to buy some antibiotic for kittyface that cost us $40 for a TINY TINY bottle of it. for us, we had to apply cream for what seemed like forever, and i now have a bandaid mark on my stomach that won't go away (from where i covered the spot while it was "healing").

really. be thankful. it's so hard to get rid of once the cat has ran all over the house with infected body parts. ugh.

Posted by tiffanie | June 15, 2006 9:20 PM

Hey - I had this! I never got the christmas tree pattern either. Did you get one big herald patch first? Yeah, me too.

It went away in 3-4 weeks. SO NOT 6 MONTHS. And heat makes it worse. Nothing makes it better.

Especially not sex. ;)

Posted by Lena | June 17, 2006 1:26 AM

You are: Funny

I am: Laughing Loudly

Posted by TLC | June 20, 2006 1:42 PM