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This one is pretty bad

Gang, I have been avoiding telling you this and even had to work up to it by posting the story as a comment on another blog first.

Lately, Mia has decided that she needs to accompany me to the bathroom every time I pee. She likes to pull up so she is standing next to me and jiggle the handle (or jiggle my thighs, but we'll pretend that part doesn't happen) and then cruise over and dump half a roll of toilet paper onto the floor. The most exciting part, for her at least, is the flushing. She gets an enraptured look on her face and then just giggles uncontrollably. I admit that it is pretty cute, most of the time even cute enough to resign myself to a bathroom "helper," but sometimes I just want to pee by myself like a big girl.

If I am able to find a fascinating toy for her, it sometimes buys me enough time to pee in peace. Not usually, though. Usually, as soon as Mia sees where I'm headed she chugs happily along behind me. Sure, I could shut the door, but I value my hearing and it is threatened by her pissed-off screech. It has gotten so that the only way I can pee without her is if I give her a toy that is not only thrilling, but is also something she has never seen before.

The other day, I really just was not in the mood to have her chubby little fingers grabbing at my, well, you know, so I had to find something new and exciting to give her. Y'all, I gave her the cats. Yes, those cats. She shook them, she banged them on the floor, she probably tried to see if she could cram them entirely into her mouth, and I got two entire minutes to pee all by myself.

On the one hand, I feel pretty bad that I am the mother that allowed, nay, encouraged her child to play with cremains. On the other hand, I have to admit I feel pretty damned clever.

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Also, hey, I haven't pimped my other gig in ages. Or days anyway. Check it out would ya? I mean, you don't want to miss hearing about my rash.

Comments (39)

My daughter is 3 1/2 and we've been struggling with constipation (hers) for geez, about a year.

So now, when I use the bathroom, she's all sitting there on the stool encouraging me to 'push really hard'. And clapping when i go. And getting me the wipes.

It's not just you and it ain't gonna be over for a while.

MY son (two yrs old) is now fascinated with when I pee. The problem is preventing him from trying to break the stream since I can go standing up and all.

Suddenly I'm feeling much better about having (at minimum) one cat in the bathroom for every visit.

Well, at my mom's house, the cats like to follow me in. I'm just glad when Joe's in town from work that HE doesn't follow me in. THat would just be unnerving. *hahaha* :)

At least she didn't get the boxes open. THat would've been REALLY bad. :)

My daughter still insists on going to the ladies room with me, but thankfully doesn't insist on helping in the above manner. If she did I would be worried about my 29 year old daughter! lol

Mmmm, not so bad. I don't think my wife has peed alone since she had kids. You just have to toss Mia a toy and say, I'll be right back or let her talk to you while you pee. It ends ...

~Jef

Ok, my kids are now 10 and 6 and they STILL think the best time to have a conversation with me is when I go into the bathroom to pee!!! But at least they don't scream when I lock them out - they just knock non-stop and shout what they need to say through the door. :p

LOL @ playing with the cats. Hey, whatever works.

If I can make a suggestion though....
http://www.pottytrainingconcepts.com/Potty-Chair-Totco-z.html

You'll need a potty chair eventually anyway (and I highly recommend this one) and the fact that it 'flushes' will keep her entertained in the meantime.

I haven't gone to the bathroom by myself in three years. Welcome to motherhood.

It's kinda nice that Mia and the cats still play together, even death can't stop them!

I hate to break it to you, but you won't be peeing in private for a very long time.

Once, when my daughter was about a year old, I was travelling alone with her, and stopped at a rest area where I took her to the ladies room and changed her diaper. Then, of course, I had to "go" but I didn't want to put her down because it was a public rest room and, well, that's just gross, so I peed with her on my lap (thank god for those seat cover thingies!)...it took me MONTHS--I swear, I am not kidding--to be able to pee again without her on my lap!!

Five and a half years later, she is still following me into the bathroom! So, ummm...good luck with that.

One of the things that used to frustrate me was that my friend's toddler always insisted on "helping" her mom open any present I gave her. Now, I realize I'm the grown-up here but it really, really bothered me to have to hand the present to the child instead of my friend. And man, I love children, I do, but I can't even tell you how happy I was when she finally outgrew that little habit.

Having said all that: The end justifies the means, man. If you got the time alone then giving her the kitties isn't such a horrible thing.

hey beth - speaking of your other gig...how does that work? do you get some cake every time someone clicks it or comments or do you get a flat rate regardless of readership?

I don't think the kitties would have minded.

Peeing by yourself? What would that be like? I've peed with mine clutched to my chest, or sitting on my lap, or standing there cheering me on to make a "nice, warm, wet pee", as she did this morning (nice to know the potty training talk is sinking in, too bad *she* isn't making a nice warm wet pee in the potty... but I digress).

It's just part of being a mom. Before I had the baby, the kitty kids would come in and talk to me while I peed, sit up on the toilet and watch me bathe, etc. Privacy, schmivacy, they say.

That's just funny. very funny. (and justifiable)

I am laughing... out loud at work.

First of all, I have 20 year old son who walks in while I am peeing.. I am sure there is something truly wrong with that.

Secondly, playing with cat remains is too, too weird.. so weird that I am pretty sure this is my favorite post of the day, if not week.

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry over your cats. We're up to three kitties again. Tiny, dehydrated, starving baby showed up at our front door) and the two younger ones (males) are perverts. They sit and stare and I even caught one of them attempting to pee on the bathroom rug while I was peeing in the toilet. Flying lessons, cat.

I like Fauve's suggestion of a potty chair. She's a little young for training but she could get used to it and who knows? It might simplify your life.

Eventually you'll be able to lock the door but they(kids, not cats) will stand outside knocking and trying to carry on a conversation they could have had anytime in the last two hours.

Perfectly fine, IMHO, so long as you don't let her eat the contents. ;)

Of the cremains containers, I mean. But the same advice goes for the toilet, too.

yes ma'am. been there.
my son's favorite activity was trying to "help" me by stuffing toilet paper in the toilet...while i was on it...

i applaud your creativity.
usually i give isabella the remote. that gives me a good 30 second headstart.

With her interest in the bathroom, you may actually be able to potty train her quickly AND SOON! I swear Nicholas won't be out of diapers until he's 16.

In a strange way, it's actually really nice that she played with the containers. Makes them still part of your family's daily life.

My son is 17 months, and he does the same thing. But he takes it one step further.

He likes to watch me flush, and then he says "bye bye pee pee" and waves as he watches it go down the toilet. Yes, he really does.

We've got him a potty, and he will even sit on it, so we "sit on the potty" together. He doesn't really pee in it though, but maybe one day!

you'll have to put that in her baby book, "Mia's first interaction beyond the grave.." Oh, and I still have bathroom company on a daily basis.

let her have your cell phone.. that will buy some time, but might make for some awkward conversations..

My 6 year old still follows me to the bathroom. On one trip the other day I stopped mid walking and she ran into me. I turned around and she made the comment of "I'm up your butt huh mom? Yes Hannah you are.....Kids they NEVER go away :)

Um, yeah, Ava has a similar fascination with the toilet. So much so, that we have to keep the bathroom door closed... because wandering hands have been caught trying to splash in the water.

I haven't used the washroom without a three-foot commentator in a long, long time.

The only time I can go to the bathroom with out my son during his waking hours is when I'm at school. And even there, it's a public restroom, so I haven't gone in a real private bathroom by myself in over 4 years.

On the plus side, he's getting very close to being able to wipe his own butt, so I may be out of HIS loop pretty soon.

We taught our son to wiggle his fingers under the door for us to see. When ever he pounded on the door, we'd say, "Show us your fingers." He'd stuff his chubby fingers under the door and laugh. It usually kept him occupied while we did our thing. Now I want him around, hoping to get the idea of using the potty in his mind.

LOL! You are too much! :)
In university, I had my cat's litter box in my washroom. Whenever I went to the washroom, >MARGE

I don't know what happened to my comments. Insert this: whenever I went to the washroom, >MARGE

Okay, sorry about this... I just figured out the problem: it's the symbols in MARGE's name....they're html...I forgot. Anyway, here goes again: whenever I went to the washroom, MARGE did, too. There. Sorry...

Since my child is not yet walking, she can't follow me places. My cat, however, does and I have not been able to pee alone for the last 7 years. I call it Bathroom Radar. No matter where she is or how deeply asleep she is, every time I go in there she KNOWS it and runs in before me.

The baby won't be worse than the cat, right?

Right???

Hey! I don't get it. I thought women were trained to go to the restroom in groups. Mia just seems to be an early learner. :)

I haven't peed alone in years. If it's not Lilli, it's the cats wanting water from the faucet. At least Lilli will let me have privacy for other things because she wants privacy to poop.

If it makes you feel any better my dog prefers to sit on the bathmat at my feet while I pee. Every time I close the door he just pounds on it with his head and whines. He's um...not very "smart".

I realize it's not the same but felt like saying "hi"!

Oh, the blogs are rash-segregated? I didn't know that.

And that's a story you can tell her boyfriends when she grows up just in case you're afraid of having grandchildren.

I SO hope that's a girl thing.

oh man!! i suck bad and haven't been keeping up, sorry about your cats :(

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