Gang, I have been avoiding telling you this and even had to work up to it by posting the story as a comment on another blog first.
Lately, Mia has decided that she needs to accompany me to the bathroom every time I pee. She likes to pull up so she is standing next to me and jiggle the handle (or jiggle my thighs, but we'll pretend that part doesn't happen) and then cruise over and dump half a roll of toilet paper onto the floor. The most exciting part, for her at least, is the flushing. She gets an enraptured look on her face and then just giggles uncontrollably. I admit that it is pretty cute, most of the time even cute enough to resign myself to a bathroom "helper," but sometimes I just want to pee by myself like a big girl.
If I am able to find a fascinating toy for her, it sometimes buys me enough time to pee in peace. Not usually, though. Usually, as soon as Mia sees where I'm headed she chugs happily along behind me. Sure, I could shut the door, but I value my hearing and it is threatened by her pissed-off screech. It has gotten so that the only way I can pee without her is if I give her a toy that is not only thrilling, but is also something she has never seen before.
The other day, I really just was not in the mood to have her chubby little fingers grabbing at my, well, you know, so I had to find something new and exciting to give her. Y'all, I gave her the cats. Yes, those cats. She shook them, she banged them on the floor, she probably tried to see if she could cram them entirely into her mouth, and I got two entire minutes to pee all by myself.
On the one hand, I feel pretty bad that I am the mother that allowed, nay, encouraged her child to play with cremains. On the other hand, I have to admit I feel pretty damned clever.
Also, hey, I haven't pimped my other gig in ages. Or days anyway. Check it out would ya? I mean, you don't want to miss hearing about my rash.