I keep editing this post. I will get it all ready to go and have my cursor hanging over the Publish button, and then I will think, "What the fuck? I can't say that on the internet!"
I used to play this game with a friend of mine called Best Thing Worst Thing. It's a pretty vicious game. The way it works is that you pick a topic, like physical appearance or personality or affectations or whatever and then tell each other the best thing and worst thing about them on that topic. So, hypothetically, my friend would say to me that the best thing about my physical appearance was my smokin' ass and the worst thing was my fat, fat thighs.
Clearly you need a pretty thick skin to play this game. But, I have been thinking about it lately (during my ongoing wanderings down memory lane, which by the way I realized how that all got started so remind me to tell you about it) and I realized that the reason we could play this game and giggle rather than cry was because there is a lot of power in identifying both the good things and the bad things about yourself.
There is also a lot of power in having a friend to whom you can say "I love you, but there's this thing about you I don't like so much." I don't have one of those friends right now. Do you? (I'm not counting my husband here because it is a different situation.) I feel a bit like a loser admitting that I don't have one of those friends, like it marks me as some sort of outcast. I do have good, close friends, but nobody to whom I can say anything absolutely without repercussion.
I wonder whether I am in the minority or whether this is just part of being an adult, especially an adult who has lost touch with most of your childhood friends. Tell me, do you have that kind of friend? Do you have a relationship (outside of marriage, which is still different) where you could sit down and play an honest round of Best Thing Worst Thing and then go to lunch together like it had never happened? Have you ever had that? Do you think you will ever have it again? Or is it like lightening, powerful and amazing and then gone?