Sammie and mother2faith both sent me this link (has nudity, don't get excited) last week. When I checked it out, my first thought was how amazing it was, how honest and real, and how brave those women were to post their pictures. My second thought was that I would never, ever do that.
I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight, a little under in fact, and all my clothes fit and I don't have any stretch marks (I know, you hate me) and I despise my belly. I know objectively that it isn't really that bad, but to me it looks and feels like it's still huge. It is soft and flabby and it pooches out and you could go swimming in my belly button with a few of your friends. I have even started occasionally doing crunches, and I hate crunches almost as much as I hate my belly.
I hate my belly, but Mia loves it. She loves to smack it, to lift up my shirt and kiss it, so blow sloppy wet raspberries on it that tickle so much I cry. She loves her own belly too, which is a huge round lump of chub that she pushes around ahead of her like she is shoplifting a basketball. I want Mia to always love her belly, no matter what it looks like. I want her to love her body for what it can do, not for the level to which it conforms to some imposed concept of beauty. And I realized, if I want to instill these characteristics in my daughter, if I want to give her the strength not to care, I first have to get there myself.
This is me at 38 weeks pregnant.
This is me 359 days ago, the day before Mia was born.
And this is me today.
This is the body that gave me my daughter and the body my daughter gave me, and it's fabulous. (That mirror, however, is filthy.) (Also, say hi to my rash. Yes, I still have it.)
P.S. That isn't my c-section scar, I think it is from my pants, maybe? My scar cannot be included without turning this into a whole different kind of website.)